I want to be fit and healthy but DH is stuck in an unhealthy rut

[Mcmuppet]

Is it possible for me to get fit and healthy with a very unhealthy DH? I believe its really difficult to be the driving force of a healthy lifestyle when the other half of a couple doesn't want to be.
Before DH I was slim, fit and healthy.
DH had lost weight when I met him after a busy time but had always been very over-weight beforehand. We have since both ballooned together since having DCs.
I am very interested in nutrition and healthy living whilst DH hasnt a clue about what is healthy/unhealthy and doesn't care. He sticks to what he knows and likes. I find I am VERY easily influenced and having spent the day with very healthy friends,found myself wanting to live a better lifestyle, but a few days under DH's influence I seem to revert back again.
Not good.
I cook really healthy meals and love cooking but DH pulls his face and I find myself adding unhealthy "extras" such as bread and other unhealthy carbs to keep him happy and then I too eat some.
Yesterday, we went to the seaside, DH said he "HAD" to have fish and chips. We had them and as I was eating mine realised I actually really dislike fish and chips so stopped eating it. DH then polished off mine aswell as his own.
I then went to subway instead and ordered a sandwich with lots of salad on it on wheat bread. Not completely healthy, but still, healthier. DH went on to polish off half of my sandwich too... 🙄
When we got home late that night, he made himself 2 slices of toast on white bread. His eating is out of control.
How can I do this without his bad eating habits rubbing off on me? Or even better... how can I get him to be healthier too? Im
I'm getting very "put off" by his unhealthy behaviours.
When we were with our healthy friends today, it was refreshing and lovely to hear them chatting together about healthier living and healthy foods. I found myself wishing my partner would do the same but he has absolutely zero interest. He is also not very self aware so can not really even recognise when hes making bad choices. Maybe I need to spend less time around him?

Eat healthily and exercise if you want to, why does it matter if he’s not doing the same? The problem here is not that you need to be doing it together, but that as you say you’re easily influenced and seem to be placing an undue amount of importance about what other people are doing. The fact you find his lifestyle a turn off is a separate issue. Could you imagine being fit and healthy for yourself and just letting him get on with stuffing his face and tolerating that that’s how he is? If the answer is no then the issue may be deeper

But it only takes 21 days to make a habit.
This isn't true...

The first thing dietricians say is get rid of the junk in your fridge and set healthy meals for the family. It's not just a case of willpower. You see in weight loss reality shows how eating patterns can truly divide relationships.

Ignore his "face" when you make healthy food. He can make the face as much as he likes but you need to stop responding to it. Tough shit if he can only eat carb loaded stuff.
Some ideas that might help.
Stop buying "white foods" - switch to the brown varieties of rice, use sweet potato instead of potato, no white bread - brown or wholegrain instead, wholegrain pasta. Buy no soft drinks, ice cream or any sugary treats.No frozen pizzas or chips.
Learn how to make stuff like bliss balls, muesli bars and homemade granola.Bake stuff without sugar. Low fat milk, low fat butter ( NOT margarine - that shit will survive a nuclear war). No juice, only water.

And buy no crap that he can scarf. Only have healthy stuff available.Not crisps, biscuits or anything like that.
Look after yourself and focus on what you want to eat, if you don't have the items around you have a weakness for you can't eat them can you? And nor can he.

Do not go down with the ship. Look after Number one here. He can either follow or learn to cook himself ( and shop because you won't have bought anything).

good luck!

I don't know where you've got the idea bread is unhealthy from! But it's bonkers!

As for dh's influence on you - you could have an influence on him or just make a decision not to be influenced by him. You're an adult you don't have to have what he does!

Truly there are no bad foods only bad diets. Almost all food has nutritional value.

Even chocolate has calcium, iron, protein.

Crisps vitamins and minerals.

A healthy, balanced diet includes all food groups in the right proportions.

Why on earth would you no longer be compatible if you were slim?! You'd still be the same personality! Or is that a not so subtle way of saying you think you've settled for dh and could do better? 🤔

It's actually not that hard to "tweak" meals to suit you both. I'm veggie and dd and exh are not. They're also both quite fussy in different ways - exh by far the worst in this. I eat a far wider variety of items than the 2 of them together!

I've been "tweaking" for over 20 years as a result.

Eg if you're having chicken breast and salad, he has chips and peas with his chicken, you make a casserole he has 2/3 you have 1/3 and he has extra carbs of whatever form, if you're having spag Bol you have less pasta maybe no cheese on top, he has extra pasta, larger portion of mince and cheese on top.

OP I'm sympathetic as I know it's hard. My DP eats far healthier than I do. But whenever I'm starting a diet or feel like eating healthier that day or whatever, that always seems to be the day he wants a pizza for dinner, opens wine or comes home with cheese and chocolate biscuits. But ultimately we can only blame ourselves.

Being overweight is usually due to months or years of bad habits, your DH eating an extra half a subway one day hasn't caused this situation.

Graphista: white bread is extrmemely unhealthy. The body basically just turns it into sugar. As someone who has had to alter diet due to gestational diabetes, white goods- potatoes, bread, pasta are doing our bodies no good.

Its really not as simple as "you eat healthily and let him eat badly." I'm very easily influenced and find it so difficult, particularly as I'm so partial to sugary foods. If I've been up all night with the baby and DH is eating chocolate... I want some for the instant pick me up it gives me... an apple just doesn't cut it. And if he's having it, I want it!
Its difficult to alter his habits as yes, he comes from a family of very unhealthy eaters. His Dad survives in salad cream sandwiches... literally all he eats most days... he's diabetic.
Its deeply entrenched for DH.
Like the phrase "don't go down with the ship!"
Sometimes I wonder if we're unhappy in our relationship and food is the only thing bringing us any joy...

Even chocolate has calcium, iron, protein. Crisps vitamins Really?!

Op I don't think some people understand how difficult it is to be around bad influences saying don't blame him. Why not? I have been in a relationship when he wanted to eat takeaway ect and it was awful. The smell was soooo hard to just ignore. Same with every time opening the fridge and seeing sweets.

I ended the relationship for other reasons but since have been with healthy eaters. It's a weight off my mind and mentally I don't have to think about food unless it's dinner ect. I'm not saying leave him! but people are minimising it. Looking back I was getting into binging and food was such a stress.

@Graphista Chips have vitamins and minerals

Bless

And chocolate is only healthy if it's atleast 70% cocoa! A Dairy milk brings you no nutritional value whatsoever!

You have decided you’re easily influenced.

So that’s it, then?

Change the record, OP. Get some CBT if you can afford it, because it’s your thinking that’s problematic here.

You CAN do this. It will be harder for you than for someone with a health-conscious partner, but don’t tell yourself you’ll fail before you even really try.

We have taken to getting menu boxes delivered. No going to the supermarket means no opportunity to buy cakes and lollies.
We get 2 meals per box and this provides 6 portions for us, meant to be 4 but we are trying to lose weight. So we get 4 portions of dinner and 2 lunches per meal . These meals are healthy with good carbs and only take 1/2 hour to make. They deliver fruit boxes as well.
We are in Australia so use Marley spoon.

It sounds like food and diet is a bit of a red herring here. Why do you wonder if you're both miserable and you're both using food as a way of making you both feel better? Granted, even if he is happy as Larry, the fact you feel that way is a big problem. Why are you unhappy in your relationship, aside from the mismatch in your diet/lifestyle views?

If you can’t take responsibility for your own diet/choices, how are you going to feed your child when they are no longer a baby? It would be neglectful and irresponsible to bring a child up with a crap diet like this. You need to lay down the law about your child having proper food and meals and very little crap, no matter how your husband chooses to eat. You and the DC can eat healthily.

You are putting your energy in the wrong place. Instead of spending hours researching sugar free cake (not necessary....just don’t eat cake, or eat a lot less of it) and blaming your husband for ‘making’ you eat rubbish food, put that energy into sorting your diet out and making sure that your child gets a decent diet too.

Before "sorting" my diet out, I've spent time actually learning about diet. After trying so many diets and losing weight successfully (before piling it back on again) I've spent a lot of time learning about food. Energy well spent.

Its really not as simple as "you eat healthily and let him eat badly." I'm very easily influenced and find it so difficult, particularly as I'm so partial to sugary foods

But that’s your problem. Your issue to resolve. You’ve got this idea in your head of you being slim and healthy and living a healthy lifestyle, but in reality what are you doing to achieve it? We can all imagine ourselves differently to how we actually are, the hard part is doing something about it. And that’s down to you. At this moment you’re exactly the same as him, living the same lifestyle as him, so why would he take the healthy lifestyle stuff seriously?
Change yourself first, then he can decide whether to change himself. If he chooses not to, then you will have to deal with any subsequent relationship issues when they arise.

Its like when people do slimming world and are taught to "follow the plan, the plan works" people don't understand why or how, which is how the company are able to make more money, by people going back again and again, before the stop following the plan again.
I lost 3 stone on SW, but during that period, scoffed more cake than ever before. This is because its "syned" and therefore I wanted it more so as it was forbidden. Its taken along time to deconstruct unhealthy thinking its not so cut and dry! I am just finding now that influence seems to be another big trigger for me and I'm trying to gain advice on how to prevent this trigger. However, I am instead getting told off for blaming my partner by some posters who seemingly can only understand what I'm saying at surface level.

You have decided you’re easily influenced. So that’s it, then? Change the record, OP. Get some CBT if you can afford it, because it’s your thinking that’s problematic here.

This.

OP you just seem to be using the easily influenced as your get-out label for not having any willpower. If you want to lose weight and eat more healthily, it's on you. Stop blaming your DH.

Almost everyone starting out on a eating healthily regime finds it hard, especially at the beginning. Some people find it hard all the time. There are times when you will need an iron will but you have to focus on the end goal of losing weight and being healthy rather than the immediate satisfaction of some sugar laden snack. It gets easier the longer you do this as your palate adjusts and the sugary/carb laden snacks lose their appeal (most - but not all! - of the time). The beginning is tough but you need to take it one meal/snack at a time. You seem to have decided not to try and use the 'easily influenced' excuse instead. You and only you are in control of what goes in your mouth. Take some accountability for your own actions.

No one is ‘telling you off’.

As I've pointed out SoyDora, I am scared to change as much as I want to, I don't think a new healthy lifestyle for me will be compatible with his unhealthy lifestyle and I think the consequences for our relationship will be huge.

Then you deal with that if/when it arises.

We are all influencing each other all the time... its basic psychology. Of course his eating habits impact on me

I’m sorry but I massively disagree with you here

Lots of suggestions on this thread as to how you can eat healthier options of what he eats

You know what you need to know about nutrition - you just lack willpower

At the moment he probably thinks you’re all talk and no action as you haven’t actually done anything about this new ‘healthy lifestyle’.

I spend hours researching healthy recipes, creating my own sugar free, healthy cakes and biscuits recipes

I do agree, in the nicest possibe way that you could spend that time swimming or doing something more productive.

Its a bit like me (true example) reading good home magazines & looking online at colour schemes & how to put rooms together beautifully.
Searching for the perfect colour cushions & curtains to go with the 5 pots of paint sitting in my hall.
When in actual fact, I need to declutter the shit out of my house & start decorating.

I think I take the easier option because I am bloody exhausted from work & DC.

I do hope you do this for youself.

Im getting there!

OP, people who live healthy lifestyles do so because they don’t find excuses not to. They focus on the positives. It’s a state of mind. That’s why they are able to sustain it.

I’m going to be very blunt. You are just listing excuses for not changing your life. That they centre around your husband is perhaps telling of another issue that you have.

Make your own choices and limit the food that is available at home. You can’t eat what isn’t there. Neither of you.

I’m not a big fan of fish and chips but at the seaside would go with the flow. All you had to do was eat a bit and then bin the rest. Ideally the fish without the batter and some of the chips. You didn’t need the subway.

You need to stop with the excuses and stop with the blaming. If you don’t you will not lose weight. It will all just be another fad.