Ended things with bloke - sad & lonely, need distraction tonight

[Upyerbum70]

Just that really. 2 weeks ago I ended our 2.5 yr relationship . I’m sad and upset. He doesn’t seem all that fussed. Which I suppose sums up why I ended up taking that course of action. Don’t live together but only 5 mins apart. I was reading another thread about sociopaths (he isn’t one) but it did echo something about him - his lack of emotion. Just doesn’t understand when I say I’ve missed him, approach him for a hug/kiss or tell him I love him. Looks all uncomfortable and sort of shrugs it off in an embarrassed way. I did post ages ago about it. It’s been dragging on. Just me, the cat and strictly so I’m, quite sadly, looking for human contact. Don’t judge 😁

Mine left on Thursday...ok only a year in (anniversary would have been sunday). Gonna build myself back up...you too?

Sounds like you made a good call, but I can appreciate it hurts right now.

There's a Strictly thread btw, although I think the X Factor thread is funnier because the show is much shitter.

Oh no, sorry to hear that . Very crap timing with your anniversary this weekend . If I could share my M&S chocs with you, I would.

I’ve been going to slimming world since June and lost a fair few pounds so I was, weirdly, feeling a bit better in myself. I bought new underwear etc. Not sure it will see the light of day now.

Plan is to plod on. As usual. 2 dcs . 2 jobs. It’s all a bit crap.

Finished my relationship end of June after 7 years. My decision, and I’m not heartbroken, but it’s still rubbish. For the last 7 years my time has been taken up by him, I’m floundering now, and very lonely.

The only way is up

to you OP

Thanks namechanger. Here have a chocolate. 7 years is a long time, how are you filling those moments when you would have texted your ex?

Feel like over the last two weeks there’s been lots of reminiscent songs around and other stuff we’d normally message each other about ... so it’s pulling my heartstrings a bit. I ended this thing, so why isn’t he bothered? Grrrrr , how rude.

Doesn’t matter if your new underwear doesn’t get a viewing! Wear it for you to make you feel good. He wasn’t emotionally fulfilling you so why waste YOUR time? You did the right thing. Onwards and upwards 💐

Thanks for the chocolate upyer I need a sugar fix

I guess our relationship was not good, so I don’t really miss him as such, I miss being in a relationship. Initially it felt odd not sharing things, but I quickly got used to it and would drive other people mad with calls/texts!

I really am not heartbroken, that makes it so much easier.

upyerbum the anniversary would not have been celebrated anyway...kinda telling that the split was for the best...sometimes there is too much shite for a relationship to work. And bloody society tells us we should be only happy in a relationship with 2.4 children...
Thanks for offer of chocolate but I don't really like it, honestly sweet things make me feel sick.

Cheers. I guess it’s all the questioning yourself that goes with it. Am I making a big deal out of wanting sex and intimacy? He’s happily go for weeks, months , and not even notice. But he’s a genuinely nice, funny, patient, generous bloke. His family are adorable and a nice group of friends. His brothers partner texted me this evening to say she was sorry to hear it had ended. It’s seems such a waste.

upyer do you really think that he doesn’t seem that bothered? We never know what’s going on in someone else’s head, I doubt he’s just shrugged it off.

If it’s not working for you then you’ve done the right thing, that said, it’s still hard

A great deal of pros and cons went on.. for a long time. We have great fun together but lack of intimacy just made me feel like a friend that he can do stuff with, like his plus one. He’d be a bit put out if he heard me say that but it’s true. I have 2 dc and 2 jobs and work shifts but still we could have quality time together. But I wanted him to be around in a more everyday normal way, rather than events and trips. He earns shed loads of money but lives quite frugally on his own which is all fine. But he’s still very student like. Doesn’t get out of bed and his flat is thoroughly manky and gross. He’s 52. He’s been going out to gigs and dropping the odd cheery text every 3 or 4 days.

Like I say, if it’s not working then it’s not working. A man of 52, who can’t get out of bed, and going to regular gigs is all fine if he’s ‘single’ not for a relationship😕

I know. I guess I just have to accept it. My decision so get on with it. But I enjoyed the gigs too, it was a thing we did a lot. We still have 3 big gigs in the diary - tickets we gave to each other for birthdays etc. Not sure what to do about those. I’m not sure I can do the jolly friendly ‘just friends’ thing.

I am utterly heartbroken. DP of 5 years ended it totally out of the blue when we woke up yesterday morning.
I'm blindsided. I totally adore him.
I have basically cried big snotty tears for 2 whole days.

Please someone make me get a grip.

Upyerbum that was our thing too.
We've got tickets for a gig on Wednesday. He asked if I still want to go.

With him?

When all I'll want to do is throw my arms around him?

No thanks.

Fuck.

Is there any reason why you can’t just enjoy going to the shows with him. If it is something you both enjoy can’t you just go as friends (esp. as it sounds as though you weren’t enjoying much of a sex life anyway?)

upyer my ex ticked many boxes, was all the things I wanted from a partner, but I didn’t feel the right way about him (physically/emotionally) so it was never going to work.

Do you think the relationship could be salvaged? We have split many times before, but it never lasted long as he would use emotional blackmail.

I definitely don’t want to be with my ex, but our relationship was not right for some time, so that probably makes it slightly easier.

brainache I feel for you, it’s very hard

Oh bloody hell, I can understand your pain. Out of the blue isn’t nice. No wonder you’re blindsided. Crying is ok. But you need to eat too if you can.

He can take my ex to the gig on a Wednesday. Here’s a big fat hug

ragwort I’m not really sure about the gig thing. I would say that he was at his most tactile at gigs. He was always tactile/ it just never went any further than that. I’m trying to imagine just standing next to each other. Me having an emotional response .

I dunno. I’m all over the place. As you’re probably gathered. Should know better at 48. Haven’t told my dcs. Was hoping they wouldn’t notice 😶

Google Avoidant Personality Disorder. I realised my ex had this not long after we split. He ticked every box and while I was sad, his lack of affection/emotion was both draining and upsetting.

Hope everyone going through breakups feels better soon. I'm 5 months along now (we were together 4.5 years) and flying it

Your too lovely.
I'm struggling. We don't live together, but I stayed on Thursday night. It was good. We went out for dinner with his family. He was as affectionate and loving as always. No sign of anything up.

Then when we woke up on Friday morning he said he hadn't slept at all, had been up thinking all night and doesn't want to be with me anymore.

So I got up, found all of the belongings I have at his house and went home. I didn't cry until I got there, but I haven't much stopped since.

It's all the little things.

We used to go away on a city break every summer. We went to Copenhagen this year. It was the best one yet. We both had such a great time. I just can't believe that's it.

And then I'll realise I'm never going to kiss him again.

Or I'm never going to sit snuggled up on the sofa watching one of 'our' shows that we always saved up to watch together.

I'm just hurting and trying to stay remotely sane and throw food at my 2 DC regularly so at least they don't starve.

Can't eat myself, though.

*you're

Jeez. My grammar has gone with my marbles. Must have cried it out.

Oh brainache - what did he give as a reason - “doesn’t want to be with you”
Is a bit vague. Sounds utterly strange especially after such a nice evening. Has this sort of thing ever happened before?

This isn’t the 11+. Grammar fails are totally ok