AIBU being annoyed at my sister for bringing her new partners child to grandparents whenever my DS is there?

[bet9d]

Hi! I really need some advice, my DH is sort of in agreement, and i'm struggling to speak to Grandparents over it because however I say it, it makes me look like an a**hole.

My 19 yr old sister has a new partner, who has a child. The kids are about the same age so they do play really nice, but I feel like my sister is trying push a grandparent relationship, and my mum has started buying 2 of everything (one for the other child, one for my son) and there has been a few occasions where they've said 'let's take the kids here..' etc.. am I being unreasonable for getting my back up?

It's a brand new relationship, the child has her own grandparents & my ds isn't getting to spend any quality time with his grandparents because my sister now brings her partner and his child over whenever he's there. It's breaking my heart as my son doesn't know any better at the moment, but my mum has started playing 'grandma' and I'm finding myself being very cold, and stopping my ds from going round!

I wouldn't say anything tbh. I'd just turn up unannounced to see your mum...So your sis has no time to get her bfs child over ..it invite your mum to you.

Can't you just invite your Mum over to yours?

You really can't say anything to your Mum. As the other two year old is now used to your Mum's attention, it really wouldn't be fair on him for her to pull back. Also they're two, I really don't think they think anything of sharing attention.

So your DP are spending time with DS if they pick him up from nursery 2 times a week. I get that your worried but your parents are grown ups and can decide for themselves. Could it be that your sister is inviting them over when you are there because she wants to nourish a cousin relationship between them both.

I think you should just leave it and see what happens.

As already said, you are being precious and a bit mean. Your child doesn't own his grandmother and nor do you. Children crave love and attention. Denying another child that is petty. It isn't like the grandmother is actively choosing a favourite; she's being generous and loving.

OP, this really isn't your issue. It is up to your mother how she spends time with the DC in her wider family and she isn't being unpleasant to anyone. It would perhaps be sensible not to build a close relationship too quickly but that is her choice.

The kids are only 2 so my ds doesn't understand he just loves playing

So, you've completely contradicted yourself.
Exactly what chesty said at 15:52:53

If you can't get quality 1-2-1 time at your DPs house, is there opportunity to invite them to your place instead some of the time?

As you've said, you really do just sound jealous.

Imagine the way you would want your child to be treated by your In-laws if you had a new partner. Welcoming a "step" child fully into the family is a wonderful thing and if your parents end up hurt because it's too early in your sister's relationship then, to be honest, that's their choice to make.

Learning to share attention and the companionship of a child his age will be good for your son. Don't let this poison your relationship with your sister.

I think its good for your child to have the child to play with am sure they will love being together. Its lovely that your mum is welcoming the child & your sister's bf into your family.i think with time you will be ok with it x

If you say something you’re going to come out of this looking jealous. Which is what I think you are
Keep this kind of shit to yourself. Why do you think you should get your own way because of your feelings. Lots of things in life aren’t 100% the way we would like them to be, but guess what! That’s life.
You sound quite immature impo

The thing is, it's every time isn't it? I don't blame you for being a bit sad that your son no longer has that special one to one time.

Is there a reason why your mum can't come to your house?

I would let your mum know how you feel. She may be able to stop your sister from doing it all the time. Don't feel bad for bringing it up. It's fair enough to want to have your mum to yourself sometimes. Don;t apologise for it

I think it's your sister that sounds more jealous. Why is she doing it?

It’s a fucking 2 year old child. Ffs
Well done for being grown up

Is there a large age gap between you and your sister OP?

Wow - some of these are pretty harsh! Guess I knew what was coming posting it for honest opinions I guess.

I’ve decided to not say anything and just let the situation play out naturally. There is a large age gap yes, so I guess I see the naivety of my sister as immature. But maybe as others are saying I’m being the immature one?
Thanks to anyone who’s replied, I won’t be responding any further as I’ve kind of taken from the responses what I was looking for! Thanks

I just wanted to say, if I was you to help with your feelings I would do as @jeanpagett suggested and imagine this was your son, no one in an ideal situation would want their 2YO to be introduced to the family of a very new relationship but if they were you’d want the new partner and their family to be loving and welcoming. No one would want their child ignored to save the feelings of an adult, sorry OP - I know it’s not nice to hear but to think of yourself and your son in that situation should help.

So your sister actually lives with your mum? So she's just inviting her boyfriend round to where she lives??

It's nice that they enjoy playing together. Rather than losing out at Grandma's he's actually gaining a friend and having fun. Of course your mum is going to buy two lots of treats and be nice to the other little child.

Invite your parents round to yours once a week if you want special time.

I am fully aware however I put this I sound jealous, petty and an all round cow but....

So we're agreed then!

Yes exactly!! Why can’t you invite them round to yours for one on one time.
Stop behaving like a teenager

Personally I feel that yes, you are being unreasonable.

It’s lovely that your family have welcomed this little one into their lives and it’s not bad for any child to have to share the attention.

Your son will always be precious to your family, but they would be wrong to exclude the other child.

Your sister is serious about this relationship no matter how new, it is also very supportive of your parents to involve her new bf and his child.

I might be wrong though, it’s just my opinion, but let your child enjoy his new playmate and don’t worry about the perceived lack of attention/ one to one time...it really doesn’t matter.

It's breaking my heart as my son doesn't know any better at the moment Know any better about what, exactly? You son isn't missing out and has a play buddy... I don't understand what the issue is, tbh.