How much physical affection do you have with DP?

[Thursdaydreaming]

I'm wondering how much physical affection you all give and receive in your long term relationships. Not sex, but kissing, hugging, sitting close, cuddle in bed, that type of thing.

I know it doesn't matter what everyone else does, every relationship is different. But I am curious about what is common/normal. I get on very well with my DH but we don't have much physical affection and never have. At the moment all we do is a peck on the lips when leaving for work and one when returning home. I'm beginning to feel I want more.

I'm not the most touchy feely person, and my DH has complained about that in the past. But he hardly initiates anything either, and when I try, for example I might try to cuddle him on the sofa, he doesn't respond/edges away. If I bring it up though, he would say it's me that never shows affection. I disagree and feel like he only wants me to initiate things so he can have the "fun" of brushing me off.

He used to cuddle me in bed before sleep, but he doesn't do it any more and when I asked why, stayed silent and didn't answer.

We cuddle all the time (in private!)

Ours is varied. 2 DC one 6yrs old and a 3 month old. We will have a quick kiss before he leaves for work and when he gets back another quick kiss and go play with the kids. He’s quite affectionate really, when I’m cooking he will give me a cuddle from behind or kiss my cheek. After kids have been put to bed we will relax on the sofa with my legs on his lap some nights and then on the odd occasion a cuddle in bed because he runs hot and starts getting sweaty.

This isn’t all the time mind, sometimes I’m so exhausted I go to bed when the kids do without any kind of affection which is fine for us both.

As you say, every relationship is different. He is definitely the more ‘affectionate’ one out of us both. I prefer more cuddles etc during the colder months. Maybe it’s just the time of year? 🤷🏻‍♀️ But it’s what works for us.

Maybe try cuddling up to him in bed? And if he edges away pull him up on it in the moment and keep pulling it up in the moment so he knows that you are making the effort?

I guess so. It feels so shit to be rejected though. Cuddling up to someone who is edging away, it feels pathetic.

If I bring it up and point out I am making an effort, he would just say "well normally you don't" or "you never have before" or something.

That makes him sound horrible but he isn't, we talk and laugh and get on well usually.

We cuddle a lot and it has been commented on how much we do cuddle, we enjoy it so I don't pay attention to what others think . We cuddle in bed and often fall asleep cuddling.

Me and DH are very affectionate with eachother I would say, we've been together 16 years. That closeness is very important in our relationship I think.

It would be very hurtful if I attempted to be affectionate and he pulled away. Why does your DP say he pulls away? Does he say doesn't like affection or what?

He doesn't say anything, he keeps silent. I don't ask as he know he would either keep ignoring or respond as I said above.

*I know

So most people do hug etc most days? Hmm. I'm not trying to be thick, I am actually not sure as I haven't been in many relationships.

A lot (and I'm not that affectionate a person!) - cuddling in the morning in bed, the odd squeeze/kiss/bum smack as we pass each other, cuddling at night in bed (although I can't cuddle to sleep as I need space). Never really in public though.

I am VERY affectionate and so is my partner. We cuddle every night, I sit on him when we watch TV etc etc. It doesn't feel cloying to me, just natural. We are both very tactile people. It wouldn't feel natural with every other man, but with him it is. When we are in public, he will also put his hand on my lower back or I'll brush a hand over his shoulders.

Brothers girlfriend's relationship by contrast is total opposite - they are not tactile people.

Me and dh are very affectionate. We don't have long kissing sessions or have sex all that often anymore (apart from ttc so more recently) but we kiss everyday leaving for work, we cuddle every night watching tv and in bed and we are always holding hands and generally touching each other. Everyone is different for me I love it and I'd prefer that than constant sex but not much affection at other times so does dh but that doesn't work for everyone.

The difficulty is where both of you are on different pages over levels of affection. I used to feel similar with my ex and it actually did lead to our break up so I feel for you op.

We cuddle a lot. Sit close to each other, pretty much always touching, even if it's his foot on mine etc.

We kiss a few times a day. I would say he will initiate when leaving or coming home. He won't often randomly kiss me, but I will him.

For context we've been together 3-4 years.

Plus cuddles in bed. And often hold hands when we are out.

Loads. We cuddle in the morning and at night; we hug and kiss a lot quite naturally during the day, he's lovely and affectionate and does sweet things like kissing my forehead randomly.

I'd hugely struggle without this.

Was it ever affectionate? Does he miss it too?

Oh For has reminded me that we hold hands while we're walking; we're usually touching somehow if we're both at home; and he puts his arm around me a lot...

But it feels very natural to be like this with him.

He doesn't say anything, he keeps silent. I don't ask as he know he would either keep ignoring or respond as I said above.

I know you said he used to cuddle you in bed but other than that was he ever affectionate towards you? Some people just aren't affectionate people in general or is it a case that he used to be but stopped?

If I bring it up and point out I am making an effort, he would just say "well normally you don't" or "you never have before" or something.

I would respond with “but I am now, don’t you want to have a cuddle / kiss / whatever you’re doing”

Why do you think he goes silent?

Basically if my husband is in the room I’m touching him

My parents were very touchy feely when I grew up. And it was good! It was good to see them so in love, being open. My dad would grab mum while she was doing the dishes and twirl her around and that art dancing with her etc. They cooked together every night, and it was always a huge performance and it was great. Growing up around lots of love was important and me and my husband are the same.

This is something that worries me in my marriage. 2 years ago I had a partial mastectomy then radiotherapy and have been taking daily meditacation since (and need to do so for the next 9 years).
This has all left me with chronic pain, fatigue and depression.
Before my diagnosis we were the most affectionate couple you could imagine. Just about bearable out in public but indoors we were always cuddled up, kissing, touching in passing, very good sex life. Since though, well, we've had sex about 5 times at most. The last time was approximately 6 months ago. I just have zero sex drive now (due to the med's) and suffer terrible vaginal dryness. Therefore as I dont want sex I've pulled back from showing and accepting affection from my husband.
We peck good morning/night/hello/goodbye. Sometimes my husband will give me a random cuddle but as I don't want to give him mixed signals and raise his hopes that more might be on the cards I'm not comfortable with any affection.
It makes me so sad to see how we are now compared to how things were before.
We love each other very much but neither of us are happy with it now.
Oh, we do hold hands when we're out (walking, shopping, on the bus etc.) and I have just given him a kiss and told him how much I love him after reading the OP and PPs.

In private we are quite touchy feely. I am always tweaking her pony tail when walking past although in fairness that probably annoys her more then anything.

We hold hands walking down the street still.

DBN1

so sorry to hear your story but it sounds like you are both still very much invested in your relationship and would try to work towards getting it back on track. Sounds like you've had an awful lot to deal with, both you

Together 20 years. I always have my feet on his lap when on the sofa and 5 nights out of 7 he will rub my feet which I love. We kiss hello goodbye if we are in the vicinity of the other when leaving. We play fight and hold hands sometimes when out and about. Sex has dwindled in the last year due to a few issues to about once a fortnight but it is always good and he always makes sure I orgasm. We have gone through periods where we weren't so emotionally close which affected the physically contact but are going through a good phase at the moment.

I can’t stop touching him to be perfectly honest, we are very cuddly. My favourite thing is his arm sneaking round me first thing in the morning and pulling me in for a cuddle. I would be pretty mortified if it wasn’t a two-way street though, it would be dreadful to have him pull away as though I was annoying. You saying that you think he does pull away as a power play thing is really awful! I don’t think I could be with someone that I suspected was getting off on hurting me like that

Physical touch is also a love language. I think it's very difficult when partners don't share this love language. Physical touch adds intimacy, trust, connection and something tangible to a relationship. I'd really struggle without this! But where me and my partner lack is with communication/conversation, which is equally important I'd say.