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Original poster

What do you think - honest but stupid, or gaslighting?

26 replies

macula · 31/10/2018 03:33

H told me the other day that while he was away with work, a woman (who he mentioned was very attractive) "threw herself" at him, but that he said "no, I'm not that kind of guy, I'm married, I've made a promise"... Then followed it with telling me a couple of days later, another woman kissed him (apparently out of the blue, but he says he didn't respond and stepped back).

Assuming he didn't do anything with either of these women, he seemed to come across as telling me this because, a) he "needed to tell me the truth" (which I think means he was tempted but supposedly proud of himself for not going there), and b) almost as if to brag.

For context he has a low sex drive and always has had, but it's much worse these days.

But I now feel insecure - especially as he called the first woman attractive.

What say you?

Honest, anxious and very stupid about my feelings?

Or gaslighting?

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 31/10/2018 03:37

Mentionitis.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2018 03:39

Amazing how multiple women have just been throwing themselves at him. He must be a real Adonis! Hmm

mimibunz · 31/10/2018 03:52

Or a knob.

Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 03:53

I know. Seemed more like bragging to me... But why tell ME and not a mate? I have sexy guys flirt with me from time to time but don't brag to him.

I just wonder if he's trying to make sure I know how faithful he is, and is incredibly dumb/insensitive, or if he's deliberately trying to instil self doubt into me/defend disloyal behaviour by giving me half truths.

What strikes the MN gang as more likely?

OP posts:
flumpybear · 31/10/2018 04:11

This reply has been deleted

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Unsure123123 · 31/10/2018 04:29

Might he be telling you so if anything comes out then he can say he'd already told you.

I think he's protecting himself from being found out. He's been playing away.

Santaclarita · 31/10/2018 05:58

He's lying I think. Bit of a coincidence that two women throw themselves at him within a few days, and while he was away. More likely that something happened with both and he doesn't want you to find out, but thinks you will and wants his own story there first.

However, it's not unknown for people on companies to try and get further in the company by doing the boss. Is he high up in management?

Kaleela · 31/10/2018 06:06

I reckon the second mystery woman kiss is actually the first woman but he's conconcted a second unknown woman to minimise his actions. As such, by using his man mentality, "he's told you".

Notacluewhatthisis · 31/10/2018 06:31

Hmmm I often think in these situations people are telling their partners to brag. They love a bit of drama and want to tell you how lucky you are that you have them and should be grateful they didn't cheat.

It's a dick move.

Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 06:59

Yeah I knew what I thought, but wasn't sure, and you've all confirmed it.

He's either lying to minimise it in case someone else tells me first, or he's trying to make me feel insecure.

Either way it didn't seem believable that he was just telling me for some "honest" reason. He can seem dumb about other people's feelings but I'm starting to think more and more that he's just a manipulative liar.

I know he exaggerates a lot, for instance when someone asks how things are going he will answer with something like the true story but made to seem far worse than it is so he can say "poor me".

OP posts:
Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 07:10

And @Santaclarita no, he's no power in the company.

It was sort of like two companies meeting up. The girls were from the other company and he told me a guy from that other company was commenting "what have you got that I haven't - they won't do that with me"...

Like a little high-five to himself.

The more I think about it, the more I think what a wanker he is for telling me this - regardless of whether he's played away - he's an utter wanker thinking it was nice to tell me this.

OP posts:
Yonijust · 31/10/2018 07:12

What say you?

Im out.

gothefcktosleep · 31/10/2018 07:20

I used to tell my boyfriend whenever I got hit on as a way of reminding him that some people found me attractive. It never, ever got a reaction from him and used to infuriate me.

Might also be a way of reassuring himself.

Either way I wouldn’t think too much about it. Sounds like he doesn’t realise the effect him telling you this stuff has had.

Cuttingthegrass · 31/10/2018 07:26

So has he raised a complaint about their behaviour? This is sexual harassment. I would insist he does this Grin That should get him thinking

DelphiniumBlue · 31/10/2018 07:26

Some woman kissed him? How did that work then, if it wasa peck on the cheek that's not really worth mentioning, if it was a s nog then what, did he just stand there while she put her tongue in his mouth? She did it out of the blue, with no encouragement at all? That's not believable.
So how does he say it happened?

ciderhouserules · 31/10/2018 07:37

Is he trying to make you jealous? Perhaps you should respond with eugh they sound a bit cheap and needy, are they the office bike - Flipping heck, people (WOMEN!) still say that about other women?

I can't stand it. Angry

sadiesnakes · 31/10/2018 07:46

What was happening between them for a woman to just lean in and kiss him? She must of had a lot of encouragement to make such a move if it genuinely happened.. Women don't just try to kiss guys that are being totally professional with them unless she's deranged. So if you are to believe what he's saying, he's also letting you know that he flirted outrageously, and gave her signals that he was well up for it. That alone would be a dealbreaker for me.

Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 08:32

Yes apparently she actually tried to snog him "out of the blue". They were all parting ways at the end of the trip. He says he just pressed his lips closed and stepped back but come on...

It really doesn't feel right to me.

The annoying thing is I didn't say anything at the time. God knows why.

OP posts:
Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 08:34

And I do mean snog not peck - because I did at least clarify that.

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 08:36

Wow, sounds like he has some very vivid dreams. You realise he's made all this up, don't you? The fuck that are women who throw themselves at him.

Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 08:53

It's conceivable given his line of work (no not porn lol)... I can't say more about it than that as it's outing.

But yeah, whatever way I try to look at it in my head, it's extremely doubtful that he's just some poor, innocent irresistible guy who can't bat them off with a stick like he wants me to think.

I am starting to think he was testing the waters to see how much he thinks I trust him. Whilst also getting a sly dig in that "very attractive women" (as opposed to my overweight self - which he has a problem with) are out there, just so I don't get complacent.

I'm not going to give away the fact that I think he's a lying manipulater just yet. I'm just biding my time until I decide what to do/he slips up.

Shitbag.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 08:58

he's trying to make sure I know how faithful he is
Yep - this usually means he is anything but faithful.
Good update - bide your time.
Do some digging.
Do you have DC together?

Huskylover1 · 31/10/2018 09:02

Yes apparently she actually tried to snog him "out of the blue"

Do you honestly believe this? It's just not plausible, is it? Unless there is a back story, like they fooled around the night before. In my opinion, he's creating a cover story, just in case someone mentions something to you. My ExH used to do this ALL the time, to cover for his cheating. It's a classic move.

The thing is though, would he really cheat if he has such a low sex drive?

I'd be doing some serious digging. Check texts, emails, facebook etc etc.

If he brings it up again, I'd be very tempted to reply with
"Aw, she must have fancied you, how funny, I bet she wouldn't fancy you quite so much if she knew you didn't like sex"

Seriously though, get snooping. I think they've had a good snog at the very least, but probably not sex (if he would worry about his "performance").

Huskylover1 · 31/10/2018 09:05

Another thought : as he isn't very good in the bedroom, this could be a story he's spinning you, so that you remain thinking what a good catch you have. Because let's face it, he must know that he is lacking in that Department.

Original poster
macula · 31/10/2018 10:07

It's not that he's not good, but supposedly not interested. Ahem. That's a whole other side of things that's I've talked about on here before (under a different name).

Like I say, I'm biding my time. Something's fishy here.

OP posts:
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