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Original poster

Dp seems to have become really selfish

47 replies

bogie · 30/10/2018 12:32

In the last 6 months.
We have been together for 14 years, 3 kids, everyone who knows him is always going on about how lovely he is and how we’re so lucky to have him but recently he just seems so mean and selfish.
He has a new job and is away for weeks at a time, when he is home he just doesn’t seem like the guy he use to be. He’s not wanting to go out with the kids, won’t lift a finger in the house. Seems to be going over and above to be difficult.
I offered one of our friends a lift the other day (something we do often and they do for us) he moaned about he is sick of helping people?!
He was out with our eldest at his sisters and I asked him to nip to the shop on the way home he replied “no, I’ll come home and you can walk to the shop, because I have eaten so I don’t need anything”
He is like this 24/7 now and I have no idea why.
I suggested we go and visit the kids great grandparents (they are in their 90s and only live 5 mins drive away) “no I don’t want to”
I have bought a new bed, he is refusing to help me take it upstairs to assemble it!? To the point where I am going to have to pay someone to come and help me... whilst he just sits there.
I don’t know what to do.. I can’t carry on like this though.
I have tried to explain how I feel, he doesn’t seem bothered. I don’t know if he is depressed, or seeing someone else or what

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 30/10/2018 12:36

I think he has a new girlfriend

He's decided family life isn't for him and he's keeping up appearances

See if you can find any proof

TatianaLarina · 30/10/2018 12:37

Have you asked him how he feels?

Likeshyt · 30/10/2018 12:38

OP have you tried to speak to him about the sudden change in behaviour? In a “is everything okay darling?” Is there possibly a boss testing his ego at his new work so he brings the shit to you? Maybe he feels sick of being mr nice guy? A dampened EGO is very dangerous for poor poor v poor men 😱!! I think only you can approach him openly, if he’s always been brilliant and suddenly these behaviours have started happening there has to be a reason? It’s not like he’s always been a dick?

It could be depression? Is he actually happy? I know when I have down days, I’m a piece of work.

Regardless, you do not deserve that shit. At all.

gamerchick · 30/10/2018 12:40

Sounds like he's met someone and wants you to give him the push rather than leave your. Or he likes his life working away just pleasing himself.

Either way he's opting out and you'll have to face it head on and find out what he's playing at.

RedLife · 30/10/2018 12:41

Oi! DP what's ya beef?? Is what I'd be saying. Seems very deliberate, like he wants a row.

Livingloving · 30/10/2018 12:44

Sounds like he’s decided to opt out of family life. He may have had his head turned. I would say it is the beginning of the end.

Sexnotgender · 30/10/2018 12:44

Wow he sounds like a prize!

It does sound like he has had his head turned unfortunately.

I’d be doing some digging if I were you.

Original poster
bogie · 30/10/2018 12:49

I will do some digging, I have done it previously maybe 10 years ago but I think it was easier because deep down I knew nothing was going on, this time I am reluctant because I am worried I will fined something I don’t want to.
I have tried talking to him and it just escalates into an argument.

OP posts:
sadiesnakes · 30/10/2018 12:51

Yes op, another woman.

Trinity66 · 30/10/2018 12:52

I wouldn't even bother digging, the way he's behaving is unacceptable regardless of whether or not he's seeing someone else. I'd be telling him not to bother coming back next time as he clearly doesn't want to be here anyway

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/10/2018 12:54

I think his head has been turned - but given he's spending lots of time away it doesn't necessarily mean another woman, it could be that he's got a bit too used to hotels and room service and being the big I am. I know I found re-entry quite hard when I used to travel a lot for work but I sucked it the fuck up because I am a decent human being So yeah, I'd dig.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/10/2018 12:54

Master of the Universe syndrome, basically.

whitsernam · 30/10/2018 12:59

What LonnyVWF said. Apparently people who have to travel for work often have this issue.

Adora10 · 30/10/2018 13:01

Screams of OW OP.

Livingloving · 30/10/2018 13:04

Yes could be mr self important with his new job.

Shoxfordian · 30/10/2018 13:08

It could be another woman but who knows? It doesn't really matter why he's being like it, it's not acceptable anyway
Tell him you're not going to put up with him checking out of your marriage and your family life.

Original poster
bogie · 30/10/2018 13:11

The other thing is he rings me at least 3 times a day when he’s away, saying he misses us all, wants to be at home etc
Seems interested in what the kids are doing. Then he’s home and being a dick again..

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 30/10/2018 13:13

Cherchez la famme, methinks....

LordPickle · 30/10/2018 13:15

He is having an affair and wants out of the relationship but is too much of a coward to be honest with you. I'm sorry OP.

Racontuer · 30/10/2018 13:16

Is he perhaps suffering from the contrast in lifestyles. As in, working away so able to suit himself, peace and quiet etc which makes coming home 'seem' chaotic and demanding. It's not fair to act like that though. Not when you are carrying the load whilst he is away.

DamnCommandments · 30/10/2018 13:18

I think Lonny's point is valid. There's always certain 'reentry' issues after long term travel. DH once made the classic mistake of coming home from work travel and asking me where all his socks were. Didn't make that mistake twice... But the point is, the hotel/restaurant/roomservice/laundry service/spend all your free time alone thing can get to be a habit.

WitchyMcWitchface · 30/10/2018 13:41

Could it be 'I slave away all week, living on my own to put a roof over their heads and they couldn't give a sh**'!
Boohoo.

NRPDad · 30/10/2018 13:52

New job stress? Depression?

Try sitting him down and having an upfront conversation about his behaviour changes and why he feels he is being like this.

Trinity66 · 30/10/2018 13:55

The other thing is he rings me at least 3 times a day when he’s away, saying he misses us all, wants to be at home etc

That is really odd actually

AngelsSins · 30/10/2018 14:41

I mean sorry OP but my first thought is that he’s had his head turned too. He’s possibly calling you when he’s away out of guilt, but then resents you when he’s back home.

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