I am never going to meet anyone am I?

[nannytothequeen]

Two years down the line from a separation it seems that I am never going to meet anyone nor have a romantic relationship again. In this time I have not met a single person who was even a possibility. In fact I can't even think of any single men I've met, suitable or not. I am knocking on the door of fifty and know plenty of women in my age group who are similarly single and are much better prospects than me. I do not stand a chance.

My ex on the other hand is with the OW. The younger OW and that seems to be the pattern. Men of my age are interested in younger women and have no real problem moving on. Whilst I have a 20 years of birthdays and christmases on my own.

It's not like I sit at home all the time. I have a busy job, hobbies, I do voluntary work and do all the day to day care of my kids whilst the ex wines and dines his shameless trollop. But I literally meet no one who might bring any romance into my life. And it's starting to get to me.

I can tell it's getting to you OP and I feel your pain!

I was/am in a similar position but before Christmas last year I took the big step away from my old life and into my new by starting online dating (OLD). Disastrous start, some really weird experiences but now I have two (hopefully) long-term lovers in their 50s who keep me satisfied. And I've worked out I just don't want a full, long-term relationship. Which surprised me a bit, but seeing my XH having to make all sorts of embarrassing compromises with his younger lady made me think: not for me.

But... I was fully divorced for a full year when I started, and my youngest child was 22 (I'm 56 by the way). That marriage vow and the sheer busyness of living with young people did hold me back. Is that an issue for you?

I suppose my point is: men in their 50s don't only go for younger women, but nice ones do take some real snouting out unfortunately. OLD is a strange and confusing world but it can be a great learning experience, and a brilliant way of breaking the cycle.

Never lose hope. One never knows what is round the corner. Agree OLD takes some snouting out (great term)

I'm in the same position  I really didn't think I would be alone 3 years after separating.
I can't do OLD I've got a profile on Bumble but I've never matched with anyone  think I'd be way too scared to meet up anyway.
I'm not really into going out anyway I want someone who enjoys watching Netflix at home with me 
Think I might just wait until the kids have left home, I'm 41 & the youngest is 10 so it'll be a while 
Do you really want a man op? If I'm honest id like to pick n mix bits of a relationship but I feel I'm too old to go through all the potential dramas & heartache.

It can happen OP. I met someone 6 months after separation 2016, disastrous relationships but I've just met someone else now and I'm in my 50's. Try OLD, nothing to lose tbh.

I agree totally with your observations about men and younger women - it seems to me that, as we get older, our dating pool gets smaller (men our age and older); as men age their pool gets bigger, as it's not unusual for them to pair off with women 15-20 years younger.

Ive been single for 20+ years - the first 10 I accepted it as I was raising my family, the last 10 are getting harder as I'm not meeting anyone (life, activities, OLD, anything) and not relishing the thought of my last 10-20 years single. That's a long time of 'you never know what's around the corner' and 'it will happen when you're least expecting it'. And a long time without sex too. Not the life I had in mind, but sod all I can do about it!

I do think I'm unusual though, most women do seem to pair off again somehow. My advice is to focus on being happy, single, because that's the only thing you can make happen.

You’re probably making it less likely to happen by telling yourself it won’t happen.

Meh, the age gap works both ways. I am 49 and the last man to properly chat me up was 29. If I was single, I definitely would have succumbed. He was tall, handsome funny and very, very clever. It did make me muse momentarily, if this is what is out there DH better start to watch himself.

Possibly. I've been on my own 8.5 years and I have a friend who has been single 11 years. I'm a 44-year old man, she's a 41-year old woman, neither of us been married, neither of us have kids. Her longest relationship was 5 years but they never lived together, mine was 10 and we did.

Such is life, unfortunately. We can do all the OLD in the world, join all the clubs, follow all the advice. Doesn't guarantee anything I'm afraid and we're perfectly entitled to feel down and pissed off about it from time to time. I hear you.

I also have examples of 50 something women finding partners they are very happy with but, considering your comments re ex and this situation seems common, would you not consider a new partner 10 to 15 years your senior? This option never seems to be mentioned.
My DM always says “ Better to be an old mans darling, than a young mans fool”.

If your "circle" is limiting you and that is the case here as you haven't met anyone then you need to break it and venture out

Don't focus on OLD if that's not for you but try activities where there are plenty of men around: hiking, cycling, sailing, music, even adventure or sporting holidays where you can go when single.

It always astounds me that people would rather cocoon themselves in misery and make excuses rather than have fun delving into the unknown. All you need is courage and a sense of humour. Then if still no man has come into your life you would still have had fun making friends and doing new activities.

Some people are boring living boring lives which is fine if you're happy with that but if not then discontent is the catalyst for change.

Have you tried OLD?
I've had a good few dates and I'm 50.
I have 3 more lined up over the next 2 weeks.
I've not found that men want younger women.
Most of the guys I talk to want someone of a similar age with little to no baggage.
How old are your DC?

My DC are 12 year old twins. And I don't actually really know to what extent I want a man in my life. Would be nice to have the option. I do feel prickly that my life is seen as boring. It's so not. I have just come back from walking in the Everest region and running a series of specialist workshops in rural Nepal. I am going to Sydney in a month and have an exhibition of my paintings coming up. This is on top of a full time job. I have a very full and independent life, with my own home, kids, pets and interests. I am a great cook and an avid reader and have opinions of my own and everything. . What I am not doing is meeting anyone who is available

OLD? Wouldn't know where to start. Tinder is for hook ups isn't it? And apart from that , living in a country of only 5
Million means that the pool is very small. Don't even know if there are even any genuine OLD agencies here. People tend to meet others through friends and work. But I am not.

You sound truly fab op, too good for most of the men you read about on here

I think you are going to be snapped up soon but not if you live somewhere like NZ as I read they have a serious dearth of available men there

Good luck in Sydney! Do you have a blog? That is always a good way to meet people, through those who are interested in your work.

Yep in NZ. I meet so many wonderful women who are single. No men. And there are too many men here who are - um - overly traditional in their views. Wouldn't touch one of those sexist pigs with a barge pole.

Your best bet then is a younger man in the ski season in the South Island

Ah yes, a different dynamic in NZ for sure. Hmmm. I would say that Tinder is not just for hook-ups in UK, but it might be in NZ.

In the end it's a numbers game. You obviously get out and about to an enviable degree and meets lots of people (I literally meet none face-to-face, hence OLD). I guess somehow you need to have faith that someone will turn up eventually.

Or, given the excess of women, you could try batting for the other side he he.

I've already accepted, at the age of 39 and with my last relationship being when I was at university, that I will now be alone for the rest of my life. That sounds terribly bleak written out like that but I honestly don't see it that way myself. I struggled for a lot of years trying to work out why nobody wanted me but I can say with confidence now that, actually, it's ok to just be me, relationships aren't going to be a part of my life, and I have no bitterness about that.

Having said that, it's also fine to not be ok with being alone if it's not what you want, and to be pissed off that other people seem to have it easier. What I would say is that residual bitterness towards your ex and the OW will do you little good. It's completely understandable, especially in a small community where it's harder to shake off old connections and meet new people. But if I was still in the game, I would be immediately put off by a man who was obviously still angry with his ex - as, I suspect, would you!

From your OP and subsequent posts, you actually sound really disillusioned with men at the moment. Are you sure you really want to be with one just now? Your life sounds really busy and full and you might not even have time to fit in a new relationship with all that going on. Why not take a few months off and see how you feel when you're back from your trip?

I've had 27 months off! Not angry at my ex. Can't abide him, but not angry. I guess it's annoying that I was always the one with the drive who likes a laugh and an adventure and yet I end up alone. I really don't mind being alone but would prefer it's not forever.

An there is no way I would have anything to do with a feckless ski bum! They're all about 12 anyway.

I feel your pain OP. I'm just under 40 and haven't met any man i've been interested in for years. I think some of it may be down to location, as I'm sure when I lived in other areas there was a better 'selection' for me. Although whether that's just because I was younger and could go out more is debatable. All the guys here seem to be politically opposed to me (if they know what is going on at all) and into football and cars in a big way. Unfortunately, these hobbies remind me of my boyfriends when I was 17...so feels like a rather odd age gap. Have you tried sites like Bumble for finding friends rather than a partner? I keep meaning to but it is daunting and time-consuming. I can't do internet dating any more but finding friends with similar hobbies seems like a good way forward. I've been nervous to date in case it's just a load of married men who want a bit on the side and have set "friendship" as a backup in case the wife finds it...(cynical, me?)

My mother is in the same boat, we lost my dad quite a while ago and now she's alone and it is really getting to her, BUT she doesn't help herself, she doesn't go out, do any work outside the home, have any hobbies or engage with friends. I'm not sure how I would feel about her dating anyone, but it's none of my business and she deserves to be happy. I would be more sympathetic if she actually put herself out their rather than just complaining and not trying at all it it's bothering her so much.

Don't give up op!! I've had long periods of being single and felt like I'll be alone forever, I've recently met someone amazing, even if it doesn't work out long term its given me the hope that lovely men are out there.

It's not just about 'meeting them' is it, though, user - you have to catch their eye, and somehow be the one of all the eligible singles out there, that they decide is worth getting to know better. I'm excellent at making friends, but not at attracting someone unattached who wants 'a relationship'. I don't give up, but I'm not wasting my life moping about because I'm single. I think only people who have been 'reluctantly single' for years & years, actually get it. Hello shatnerswig!

Hello *walkacrossthesand