Friend who ghosted me 10 years ago wants to be friends again

[WhyNowMrMagpie]

NC in case she's on here.

10 years ago my very best friend in the whole wide world ghosted me and cut all contact. To this day I still have no idea what I did that was so terrible that deserved such harsh treatment.

Things turned when we both met new partners (who we're both still with). She always had partners during our friendship but I was mostly free and single and happy.

She met her new partner first and we started to drift, but it wasn't until I met mine that she cut all contact. We went for a drink one day, the four of us. I thought we'd got on well but then she never returned my calls/texts from that point. I was worried she was unwell so I visited her home as it was completely out of character, but although I knew she was in and that it was me, she ignored the door.

I knew then that she didn't want to speak to me. There was no row or anything like that. I think I might have got a text off her saying it wasn't anything to do with me, but no explanation.

I was incredibly hurt by this, it really affected me for a long time.

I left her to it and cracked on with life. She would text every now and again wishing me merry Xmas, or saying she was thinking of me etc. If I tried to text her back or call her I'd get no response. I've a low threshold for BS so I wasn't going to keep trying.

I have a fabulous life and whilst I've thought of her occasion over the years, it seems like a lifetime ago.

I've not heard from her in around 5 years. Then out of the blue today a text, saying she has been trying to find me on social media, would like to get back in touch and misses me dearly. No sorry for ghosting you though.

Why do people do this? I want nothing to do with her.

I don't really know what I'm expecting from this tbh, I just needed to let it out somewhere.

Also I think it's telling that she didn't apologise for not being in touch all these years. If she'd said 'sorry for everything, I was in a very bad place and I'm finally getting my shit together' etc then I'd have much more time for her. But no, just a casual 'it's been ages I'd love to know how you are'. Nope. Do one.

I agree with starlight. It is about time for the “Who’s this?” response. Dismissiveness is all you should convey if you respond at all.

X post, believe it or not

Good for you for drawing that boundary that preserves your personal dignity.

If it was me I'd be curious to find out why she cut contact , even if she gives you a explanation just say that's fine but I'm no longer want to be in contact with you I just feel I'm owed a explanation and move on .
I had a friend who was godmother to ds and cut contact completely ignoring texts etc she even asked for myaddress so she could send birthday card and nothing which I thing was quite nasty, I've tried a couple of occasions to make contact as have a mutual friend but not interested. I would like to know why and I think I'm owed that but definitely wouldn't want to be friends again.

But no, just a casual 'it's been ages I'd love to know how you are

You are right, if she felt any guilt she would have apologised to you in that text. It looks as she wants something from you. Probably to cry into your shoulder about the fall out with her family.

SweatTheSmallStuff yes we had that too - asked for my address after a couple of years via text, said they'd explain everything. Then nothing

OneCuteFox I hadn't thought of that, good point!!!

I imagine she has been manipulated by her partner if she has now fallen out with her family as well as her friends. Controlling/abusive partners often work at cutting off the friends and family.

All the same no apology or explanation = no reply. You don’t need that kind of connection.

Atrocious ok that's possible. I'd suggest a more likely explanation is that the friend in question has been 'found out'. And that she's now having to fall back on people she hurt many years ago.

It's not normal to exit a good friends' life without explanation. Or not answer a friend at the door. Leaving then with trauma that's lasted.

We don't know what had really made her cut the friendship with the OP but she isn't trying very hard to explain herself. If she can send texts it means she has some freedom if we think she is being controlled by her husband. I now think that she stopped being friends with the OP because her DH became her best friend and she didn't need any other close friends in her life. However, something has happened and she wants to share it with someone else - her old best friend.

I've done a bit more digging and it appears on social media that one of her daughters is pregnant - so she's about to become a GM for the first time. Presume this is what has prompted her text

How old is she? Just wonder if becoming granny is a bit of a shock to her because of her age. Nevertheless, the news I suppose are not going to make you to become closer again.

She's 42! So yes, she may well be a bit shocked. She was a teenage mum herself but I think her daughter must be early 20's now.