Keep me from being stupid

[BeSensibleAlready]

I know I will get a flaming for this and I honestly probably deserve it, but:

I am married with beautiful children. I love my husband, but a few incidences in our marriage have made me wobble a little in that department. I have, instead, developed a massive crush on a co-worker.

He knows I am married, we have very different personalities and it would never work long-term between us. We have met outside of work and we have exchanged numbers and texted each other a few times, all innocent.

I have had a gin or two too many. I know I would never want to act on my crush, for all the above reasons, but right now, the urge to call him up and fess up to how I feel is massively overwhelming. Add into that that we have had contact most days over the last few months and now there is a week when we won't see or hear each other at all, so I miss him like crazy.

Please, please keep me from making a massive mistake and telling him everything on the spot, which would ruin a friendship, my marriage and a myriad of other things. Talk some reason into me, please, fellow mumsnetters!

Delete his number.

I know his number by heart; there is no point. I have an excellent memory for numbers.

Just don’t. Massive can of worms.

Imagine your husband’s face when he finds out.

Imagine how you’d feel if your husband was putting all of his energy into fantasising about another woman and neglecting you and your family.

Don’t be a dick.

Enjoy the ride but don't declare love or let OM know.

It's a crush hopefully he's not even available.

You already listed the reasons it's a terrible idea...

Well if you need strangers on the internet to convince you not to ruin your marriage I'd say it's probably already done for

Well if you need strangers on the internet to convince you not to ruin your marriage I'd say it's probably already done for

I've been around a while. Life isn't always that simple and mine and my husband's lives are so intertwined that I can't simply do what others would do and tell friends or even just have a friend receive my stupid messages instead of the person they're intended for.

And I don't neglect my family. I keep all that for times when I'm on my own. I am currently cooking food, so I am alone and my thoughts automatically go back to my co-worker.

It rationally makes no sense, but the gin has made me far less than rational. I just need to get through the night. Any ideas where I can store my phone for now?

Emotional affairs can be worse that physical ones. It will hurt your husband more than if you'd had a drunken one night stand.

Does your husband know how often you are in contact? Would you be happy if your dh discovered the messages? How would he feel?

Imagine not seeing your kids every day. Imagine their faces when you explain why that is. Imagine your husband with someone else, happy and laughing while you scan the job ads because you are no longer employed due to crush.

Stop drinking now.

Aghhh, crushes are hard. BUT you said you've fundamentally got a good marriage? If you're a regular Mumsnetter, you'll have read thousands of threads detailing the horrendous mess that happens when two people break up. Rarely is it amicable or easy.

You mention your beautiful children. If you do do anything that would put your marriage at risk, then you're putting their mental health at risk.

Pull up your big girl pants, keep it a fantasy and sooner or later you'll look back and wonder with amazement at how close you came to throwing it all away.

Imagine not seeing your kids every day.
Thank you. That image is actually very sobering.

Yeh, and as Living says, step away from the gin.

My test for what it is appropriate for me to message others is how i would feel if I watched DH reading the message. Another helpful way forward is for you to recognise that there might be something missing in your life and work out what you need to do about that, rather than distracting yourself with a crush.

I know what is wrong in our relationship, but I took my husband on, knowing this already.

There's a wise old proverb; 'Don't shit on your own doorstep'.

Stop now op will only end in heartbreak.
I've been married 12 years and have 3 kids.
Long story short met someone... Coffee innocent.. Messages innocent then not so innocent... To much gin then i kissed him. Felt dreadful after. I keep trying to cut contact but find it so hard and wish i had never started this.

Stop drinking alcohol. Not just today, but until the crush is well and truly over. Start looking for potential new jobs in the morning. I mean it.

I am definitely never going to drink that much again. I wanted to drown out the feelings, looks like I've done the opposite.

Thank you @thecatsarecrazy I'm pretty sure I would feel similar.

Not a good idea for all the reasons above. You would only regret it. Why will you not see him for a week now? Is he married/ children?

No, he is single. It's a work thing.

Ok but still don’t act on it. At the moment it’s just a crush-you stand to lose too much. Maybe this week is a good time to get some distance and perspective.

We all put on our best face at work, add to that work stresses and a connection is made. It generally means nothing more than that. We can laugh, share in-jokes, commisorate with colleagues sometimes far more than our partners. At the end of the day it counts for very little if you walk out of that role and into a new setting.