Keep me from being stupid

[BeSensibleAlready]

I know I will get a flaming for this and I honestly probably deserve it, but:

I am married with beautiful children. I love my husband, but a few incidences in our marriage have made me wobble a little in that department. I have, instead, developed a massive crush on a co-worker.

He knows I am married, we have very different personalities and it would never work long-term between us. We have met outside of work and we have exchanged numbers and texted each other a few times, all innocent.

I have had a gin or two too many. I know I would never want to act on my crush, for all the above reasons, but right now, the urge to call him up and fess up to how I feel is massively overwhelming. Add into that that we have had contact most days over the last few months and now there is a week when we won't see or hear each other at all, so I miss him like crazy.

Please, please keep me from making a massive mistake and telling him everything on the spot, which would ruin a friendship, my marriage and a myriad of other things. Talk some reason into me, please, fellow mumsnetters!

If I were you, I’d imagine you’ve already called this guy. Then imagine his shock at what you’ve said as he clearly doesn’t feel the same. The humiliation (once you’ve said, you can’t take it back.

Now imagine you’ve called him, and he feels the same way. Your husband finds out. The devestation it will have on your relationship. The trust, gone. The rejection your husband will feel.
If youre seriously thinking of doing it, how about you leave your husband first. It shows lack of respect and value in your husband, not to mention yourself for considering it. Maybe this is a sign you need to both work on a few things. The damage it can cause can last for a seriously long time. Please rethink.

Bless you. I don't agree with this either and agree with yourself it's all dangerous and will just create a massive hurtful mess BUT I do understand how you feel and completely understand why you've come for advice and help online to strangers. I have friends but no one understands me and it's easier sometimes to talk to strangers. I get everything you are saying completely, but do put the gin down, step away from the situation and just focus on your children and nothing else for a few months or if you have the time and energy throw yourself into a new hobby or training course in anything! Just don't risk your marriage, I get it's hard I have a difficult one myself, but sometimes I find when I'm stuck I almost cut the troubles of the marriage out-quite literally and focus on me and my little one. Maybe not the best advice but if it works for you until things settle down then go for it. Lots of love x

are you willing to lose your children over this? You won't see them as much if you and your husband divorce. And your children will hate you for what you did to the family.

Someone told me to imagine crushes vomiting or doing a huge poo.

On a serious note, as others have said, a work crush will blow over but any hurt caused by it will last years.

Thank you, everyone, especially for not judging me too harshly. I've made it through the night without being stupid.

I will try to keep my phone away from me most of the time and just keep busy the next few days; there is definitely enough to do.

Some of what you have said will carry me through all this long-term, especially in relation to my kids.

Thank you.

I'm presuming if ye are off for a week ye both work in the same school. Imagine the awkwardness for the whole staff if this was to take off. Imagine the awkwardness if he didn't feel the same and you had to work with him feeling like a fool. I'm glad you pulled back. Crushes happen but shouldn't be moved on.

I've been in a similar situation recently with a social group I've been involved in. The man in question is married and I know the feelings were mutual. I took the very tough decision to leave the social group for other reasons but this was a large part of it. 3 weeks on and it still feels like grief. Crushes are horrible and for me the only solution was to walk away from it so I don't see him again. It's really hard though, still having lots of completely stupid fantasies about him, but I know I'll probably never see him again and hoping it'll calm down soon in my head

We have met outside of work and we have exchanged numbers and texted each other a few times, all innocent

This isn’t true, it’s not innocent ( at least on your part ) because you KNOW you have a crush on him.

Stop doing this, you are playing with fire. Don’t text him, don’t meet outside work.

This is how people have affairs. They meet alone ( all totes innocent honest ).

They have an emotional affair ( but we didn’t kiss and he knows I’m married, surely I’m allowed to have friends)

They stay in a hotel together ( but it was just for work ) or go back to his place ( to finish a report ) or stay late alone in the office.

Have a lot of drinks together ( just relaxing after work, out team won a contact so it’s ok to celebrate ). Next thing they are shagging and have no idea how it happened , it wasn’t anyone’s fault , they didn’t mean it to happen, it was a total surprise that no one could have foreseen.

I've been where you are and now i only see my kids half of the week as we split the care 50-50. If u split from your husband make it about your relationship with him not the other guy i beg you. Good luck x

Op have you answered about if your dh knows you 'innocently' text this man?

Are you happy to let him see the texts?

How would your dh feel if he read them? Would he feel they were innocent?