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Original poster

Handmaids tale.. would this worry you

38 replies

Issy777 · 28/10/2018 16:49

Started to watch Series 1 of Handmaids Tale. Studied the book for my Alevels and finally got round to watching it with DP.
(for those of you that don't know of it, please google)

Anyway, dp does have a tendency of being chauvinistic, met him when he was like this and just got used to it
But some of the comments he's been coming out with whilst watching it have got me really thinking,

Basically he has said when watching it "this is how it should be" (women just being used for fertility and babies)
I took at his humour first but when the parts of women being sluts comments made on the prog he was agreeing he's done this before in the past but whilst watching this seemed way more serious/passionate
I'm annoyed moreso cos we have two dd's and thinking of how it can impact on them...

If your partner said these kind of comments whilst watching it how would you react?, would you take it seriously?

OP posts:
SheRaTheAllPowerful · 28/10/2018 16:50

Ltb hopefully if you keep watching he’ll realise what a hellhole Gilead is.

SpoonBlender · 28/10/2018 17:04

If he's saying it seriously, run away or kick him out, whichever is appropriate.

Shoxfordian · 28/10/2018 17:08

Someone like that wouldn't be my partner in the first place. Why did you carry on dating a chauvinistic misogynist and have two children with him? If he's always been like it then I doubt he's going to change but then you've already decided it's cool with you

HappyPunky · 28/10/2018 17:08

Yes it would worry me, I have a DD and I'm very conscious of the messages she gets from other people.

Hasn't your DP noticed that the men don't have rights or freedom too? Maybe point that out to him.

Kit10 · 28/10/2018 17:15

Would I be annoyed if my husband said anything that condoned rape? Why yes I would, I'd leave the fool. Fiction or not, he sounds like a loser.

LemonTT · 28/10/2018 17:18

My DP found THT too harrowing to watch. He is strong advocate for diversity in the workplace, lobbying hard to ensure that women and ethnic minorities are represented at a senior level. He abhors domestic violence. Whilst he has traditionalist views he does not believe any group or gender should have advantage or privilege. We even discussed if he would have been a commander or rebel in a Gilead society. He confirmed out and out rebel.

So if he told the odd sexist joke I wouldn’t take it as a red flag. But then I know him and we discuss our morals, views and politics. He wouldn’t joke during this type of program because he is sickened by it. So I have no frame of reference. Chauvinism and misogyny are usually easy to identify in a man. It just tends not to be directed at you in the beginning.

I don’t know why you have suddenly realised that the chauvinist turns out to be a misogynist. It’s sickening that he finds it funny and humorous. He sounds vile laughing at abuse. You do know that THT depicts actual and historical examples of abuse.

So it is a red flag but surely not the first one.

pointythings · 28/10/2018 17:28

I'd be death staring him and asking him if he was serious. And if he is, dump his arse. You and your DDs do not need that in your lives.

Hazardswan · 28/10/2018 17:39

He's not a good man OP Flowers

newtlover · 28/10/2018 17:45

you know what they say, when someone shows you who they are, believe them
Sad
sorry OP

Insomnibrat · 28/10/2018 17:50

Opinions and views like his tend to concentrate and condense as people get older. Its a hard one, if you raise it with him he'll probably turn inwards and just hide it better. (Or gaslight you)

Original poster
Issy777 · 28/10/2018 18:04

Yeah really starting to question stuff now. Eldest dd is 11 and I know in High School she will probably studying Handmaids Tale (they study it in the High school I teach at) so I will let her watch the series n don't want her to hear comments like that..

I agree with @Insomnibrat if i challenge him about it he'll start gaslighting etc

He is a typical alpha Male in that sense unfortunately

OP posts:
Thesuzle · 28/10/2018 18:09

Christ on a bike. ! You are a teacher and have been THIS stupid ??

FreezerBird · 28/10/2018 18:09

Whoa. If it was my DH, and he was attempting humour, there would be some hard staring and serious conversation. If I thought for even a moment he was serious I'd be out of there, and I have NEVER said that before.

I'm so sorry OP. What a horrible thing to hear.

twilightsaga · 28/10/2018 18:13

When he said these things, did you ask him if he thought his daughters should be treated that way and called sluts when they grow up?

Wolfiefan · 28/10/2018 18:14

He’s not an “Alpha male”.
He’s a twat.
Having a penis doesn’t mean he can get away with gaslighting.

ABeanCalledHopeInAMadTin · 28/10/2018 18:16

This reply has been deleted

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LassWiADelicateAir · 28/10/2018 18:16

He’s not an “Alpha male”
He’s a twat

^^This. Very eloquently put.

Kit10 · 28/10/2018 18:17

Typical alpha male? He is responsible for his behaviour, but you are responsible for condoning it, it is very unhealthy to have a "man" like that around your daughter.

Serena is just as culpable as Fred, would you agree if she had said "oh he's just a typical alpha male". Your daughter will think that's what she deserves as it'll be normal to her.

pointythings · 28/10/2018 18:51

Bean we believe that the OP's DP's statements warrant further questioning. Because if he really means this stuff it's a massive red flag.

ABeanCalledHopeInAMadTin · 28/10/2018 19:03

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Kit10 · 28/10/2018 19:10

Abean

You're talking to someone who is still with her first and only love from high school. We work through balancing our jobs and the childcare, who's turn it is to wash the car or load the dishwasher. I will never, ever tolerate a sexist man (or woman for that matter!), sexism is to belittle and disrespect me for my gender. Have you watched THT, where they rape and control women? Does it sound funny to you? Something to admire or agree with? Too many people for too many years have "worked through" or turned a blind eye misogynist behaviour which is how men like him continue to exist.

So yes I stand by my comments, I would leave the fool and not allow him to have any influence over any child of mine.

Coconutspongexo · 28/10/2018 19:14

Bean how would this be a pump and dump exercise? For one they have an 11 year old daughter not exactly pump and dump.

Two he very clearly has NO respect for women, it’s not OPs job to better him he should want to better himself.

The only unusual thing here is that it’s 2018 and he thinks these comments are acceptable.

pointythings · 28/10/2018 19:19

bean you quoted me out of context. I said I'd be death staring him and asking him if he was serious. And if he is, dump his arse.

Tell me why you think it is OK for OP to stay with someone who genuinely holds the view that women should exist only to serve men and bear children?

Loopytiles · 28/10/2018 19:21

Very bad plan to date an out and proud sexist prick. Really hope he’s not DD’s father!

Loopytiles · 28/10/2018 19:22

So that she wouldn’t have to be around him when you LTB

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