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Relationships

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Original poster

New guy with ED problems, not sure how to progress?

59 replies

RubyStilleto · 28/10/2018 13:05

I recently posted about figuring out whether a guy liked me or not - turns out he does a lot (in his words) and on the last date things got so hot and heavy that I invited home.

Now even though we were kissing heavily & touching lots, he didn't have an erection. This continued until he told me was actually a virgin (he is 23, 4 years younger than me) - he said he had got to this point a few times prior but that anxiety had always prevented him from going further. So I'm thinking oh dear, this is a pattern that hasn't been broken. But on the outside I kept smiling and showing him intimacy.

He made me come, which I think helped with confidence, and lavished me with kisses everywhere and however I wanted them. Eventually he did have a semi-erection but it still didn't last for long. I asked him to show me what he liked, and he did for a while, then gave up. He didn't say anything about it and I didn't mention it further. He kisses me with such amazing passion and I've never had this problem before. I feel like we're both falling in love, but I'm not sure how much this does or doesn't bother him. Any ideas...?

OP posts:

Birdie69 · 29/10/2018 03:46

A trip to the doctor is certainly needed if he / both of you are going to move forwards. Believe me, a man with severe ED as he has, won't want to talk about it. It's at the core of their manhood and they don't like discussing it.

My DH had the same problem when our relationship started ( not as young as your guy though and it wasn't a lifelong problem). But he was the same as far as not wanting to talk about it, and seemed happy to have oral sex etc. I spoke frankly to him , that I wanted to get this sorted. He saw a GP and then a specialist, and then started using Cialis which is the long-lasting version of Viagra. it works well and we now have a good sex life. If you are hoping for a normal sex life I'd recommend a good talk and a visit to the doctor.

Birdie69 · 29/10/2018 03:51

Just a thought - you said he asked you to be careful with the foreskin. If he is uncircumcised he could have phimosis, where the foreskin can't be retracted past the head of the penis and this can impede getting an erection. A circumcision can fix this easily. That could be all he needs.

Uggywuggy · 29/10/2018 04:03

I’m with JessieLemon on this one, give the guy a break!! I’ve had a long term relationship where the fellow struggled at the start to stay hard. He said it happened at the beginning of all relationships, when he really liked someone and put too much pressure on himself to ensure the girl was happy.

Once he felt comfortable enough, no problems at all!! Quite the opposite!

I think you need to be understanding and compassionate here, especially as he’s a virgin, as he’ll be putting even more pressure on himself! And if you can’t be, then let him loose to find someone who can.

Peakypolly · 29/10/2018 04:13

I agree with the posters who point out that it is not unusual to be unable to get fully aroused in early sexual encounters. This applies to females and males and could be due to nerves, previous experiences, morals etc.
It will no doubt be scoffed at, but some of us, yep men also, need to feel a true
commitment before they can really get into it.
Honestly Ruby, I had this (age 21) wth DH and, 30 years on, it has never been a problem since. In fact, it’s been great.

JessieLemon · 29/10/2018 08:40

This thread has brought out the worst in some people, it’s so gross to witness. The ‘is he gay’ comments are just unreal. The pressure placed on men to be walking erections on demand is real, as evidenced by the attitudes on here. I’m glad there are some dissenting voices like you and me for anyone reading who suffers from this. I pity the sexual partners of some of the posters on this thread.

Branleuse · 29/10/2018 09:09

starting a new relationship with someone who cant get an erection at 24 and who you already feel sorry for, is a bad start

pudding21 · 29/10/2018 09:19

Jesus some of the replies on here.

OP he and you both sound lovely. I think you need to talk to him gently about it, and suggest the GP. If he is really that keen on you, and wants to progress, he will go (even if he is motified about doing so, he will go).

It could be psychological, or as pevious posters have mentioned, if he has pain from erections as his foreskin is tight, he might try to block that so he doesn't get pain. If he has pain on erection, maybe he is scared about intercourse and its blocking him. A quick 10 minure appoinemtn with a GP should get to the bottom of and treat if necessary the cause.

Like you said, hes young, he should be in the middle of his primal years and enjoying a happy healthy sex life.

KungFuPandaWorks · 29/10/2018 09:22

Has someone seriously suggested sticking on broke back mountain and see if he gets aroused? Jesus Christ.

AngelsSins · 29/10/2018 14:59

It’s only happened once with you, but it doesn’t sound like it’s the first time it’s happened in his life. I’d give him a chance, but if he refuses to go to the doctor (if it doesn’t get better) or has porn issues, I’d cut and run - especially if it’s porn related, been there, done that.

It’s silly to compare this to a woman who can’t come easily, women’s orgasms and bodies are totally different to men’s, and a woman not having one doesn’t mean that sex, or her pleasure in general, is off the table.

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