To not really know what to do

[letscometogether]

Massive fall out with DP. Our fourth massive argument in four weeks. Always happens on the weekend.

Anyway, today DS1 (2 yrs 11 mths) took DP's game console off a shelf by standing on a toy box and emptied the contents. We were both in another room at the time (him cooking, me in loo) and I only found out when DS2 (14 mths) brought the empty storage bag thing over.

So ensues DP in a rage shouting, tipping the toy box on the floor so the toys smashed to the ground and scaring DS2 in the process. Start throwing and slamming the toys back in the box to find the tiny game cartridges that cost £60 each!!!!!

Shouting that DS1 has no respect, there are children his age that behave better, there's something wrong with him, he must be on the spectrum. Calls me woman, and that I need to teach them to know better. Basically it's all my fault despite telling him earlier how DS1 can reach that shelf.

I'm over the constant arguments. Screaming and shouting in front of the kids. I hate it. I've wanted to leave so many times. But I'm a SAHM with no money and tbh this is the kids home.

Am I better staying here? I do love him. But I also really hate him sometimes

Op. This IS abuse. Abuse isn't necessarily only physical. It can take many forms. Here it's emotional and psychological abuse and bullying.

He's blocked me from going. Hid the buggy from me. Now he's told me where it is in time to miss the last bus to my dad's. But I won't be getting it back till tomorrow.

All because DS1 stole a bit of food off DP's plate and threw it on the floor. Then DP slammed a toy in the toy box scared DS2 AGAIN, DS1 came to him for a hug he picked him up said something like "I don't want you" then threw him on the couch and called them things.

He hid the buggy, said I'm using the kids as leverage and me leaving is a threat despite the fact I was getting ready.

/Not allowing you to leave is against the law. Shut you and the kids in the bathroom and say you're bathing them. Under the cover of the sound of running water, call the police and tell them you are trapped and need to escape, that you need the police.

If you can't get to your phone, message a friend or pm me your address and I will call the police

Can your dad pick you up? Can you get a taxi?

Can your dad pick you up tonight? It sounds like your DPs violence is escalating dangerously towards the children and you tonight now he knows you are going. If you call the police to say what is happening they may well keep him out tonight and tomorrow morning until you get out.

Thank you for your supportive messages. A taxi would cost too much and my dad doesn't have a car. I may as well just keep the peace for tonight and leave when he's out the door tomorrow. Not ideal, but I don't want to put them through more than what they've witnessed this weekend.

Stay safe, OP. Don't count on him letting you have access to the buggy tomorrow. You don't have the sort of locks where he can lock you in if he took your keys, do you? Be ready to call the police if you need to.

Are you able to put a bag of essentials together and hide it somewhere for tonight? Then when opportunity presents itself tomorrow you can just go . Don't forget important docs medication etc. Don't delay .

@category12 yes we do have those sort of locks, but I'll hide my keys so he can't find them.

@Ooogetyooo yes that's what I'm going to do. Thankfully I've kept my hospital bag from 14 months ago, so I'll pack it with the essentials

OP what he is doing is emotional abuse. It is very damaging, it is real, and despite what he probably tells you, it isn't all in your head or your fault.

I left. It was a week before Christmas and I left with nothing but my children. It is the best thing I have ever done, for me and for them. A life without walking on eggshells is worth giving up a home and things for. I can sit in my peaceful home, my children are relaxed and happy, no one makes us feel afraid, we don't have to change our behaviour to stop him from kicking off. It's so worth it. You will not regret it.

OP - are you saying that he knows you're going to leave him? This is a really dangerous time for you. Can you call 101 if he's basically trying to keep you there?

He threw your child down and called him names?! Vile. I hope you get out quick. This situation sounds extremely volatile.

Op please call the police. He has been violent to dc and stopped you from leaving. I think this is called false imprisonment. All these acts are crimes. If you called them he would be arrested and held in custody. Police could help you sort out a non molestation order so he will be gone from your home and lives sooner rather than later. You could be free tonight of this man. Please see this as an opportunity to free yourself of him. How would you feel safe under the same roof as him even for one night?
Call the police op. They will believe you, protect you and your dc.

He threw your child. It's isn't "just" emotional abuse any more. He is escalating and this could get worse very fast. Please call the police, they will help you.

OP your posts have given me chills...you are not safe from this man, just because he has not been violent before does not mean he won't be now, his anger seems to be escalating.
Firstly, this is very important, don't challenge him from now on, or respond to him or argue,
l would do the opposite, pretend, by apologising, saying you are sure you can work things out, all will be fine etc...hopefully that will de escalate the aggression...lie lie lie, think of your and dcs safety.
Say whatever you know will get him thinking you are on side again.

THEN plan your escape get passports/keys/medicines/birth certificates/bank cards/ tenancy agreement/legal docs/special dcs toys and cuddlies/comfort blankets.
Get your clothes/toiletries/essentials...hide them well. But where you can grab them quickly.

He is nasty but you are smarter, outwit him, calm him down, keep dcs away from him anyway you can, to avoid more violence / keep your phone on you at all times.

I would call the police and say l didn't feel safe and let them take him out of the house,
change the locks tomorrow
apply for benefits tomorrow,
contact Womans Aid,
GP referral for a food bank

Then contact LL to explain... l am a LL and would be helping someone in your siuation if l possibly could....

Or if you really cannot call the police lay low untill tomorrow then go to your dads, do not give him an inkling of your plan until you are gone..Be safe

He threw your ds, would he take responsibility if your son had a seizure caused by the way he was thrown. How can you stay with a specimen like this !!!!

Oh my your frustrating me!
Get the hell out of that house.
I am sure your dad can help with a taxi or call the police and they will drive you to your dads or as someone else said remove him from the house.
If you don't protect your kids from him and remove them from his reach then your just as bad as he is.
Call woman's aid or at least do something

She is looking to leave in the way she feels will be the safest for her and the children. Hopefully OP is getting out as we speak today.

Thank you everyone for your advice and support, bar one. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

@Dragongirl10 yes that's exactly what I did. I calmed it down, said we'd work it out blah blah blah it worked. I was getting so worked up with the buggy fiasco I wanted to slap him, so I had to de escalate it.

I'm slowly getting things together, making plans. I need things to be safe, secure and know what I'm going in to. I know that doesn't make sense and sounds ridiculous, but it's how my mind works otherwise I'll get panicky.

Sorry I'm frustrating you. Maybe my thread is not the one you should be one!!! Considering you're also insulting me.!!

just checked in for an update op, so glad you are safe today.....you sound well thought out though understandable worried.

Be the best actress you can whilst you make your plans.....wishing you a safe and calm day...

Make your plans, please get in touch with Woman's Aid for help and advice too

If you go to your dads you can then go to the council and ask for housing as they can't expect you to sleep on a sofa for long. If like me you're in an area which has a massive council list then you can look for a rental property yourself and the council will lend or if you're lucky give you the deposit and the first months rent, you can then claim housing benefit, and income support or tax credits. If the council lend the money then you just have to pay it back when you move out. They will check that you can afford the rent by doing an affordability assessment.

Are you ok op?