Can I change the locks?

[PhillyJoe]

There is a lot to say and I may start a thread for more general support but I wanted to get some quick advice. My stbx left a week ago to his parents. He turned up this morning shouting and swearing at me and threatening to kick me out, well telling me I had to get out. I called the police and they made him leave. He has the children at his parents but they were due to come back to me tonight. He has said I have to come get them if I want them. My issue is, I worry that he'll know I'm not home and when I get back he or his dad will be here and not let me in. We jointly own the home so I know he has a legal right to it as do I. Would I be doing something really wrong if I changed the locks?

Legally you can't, but he can't enter when you are in either. Could you swop the lock barrels round? Technically you haven't changed the locks and he may not think to try the other key!
Or have someone sit in your house with keys in the locked door while you get the dc.

I don't have anyone who can be in for me at the minute.

This is a difficult one. No, you can't change the locks. But you can't stay in forever either - if not tonight to collect the kids then there's nothing to stop him waiting for you to go to the shop etc.

If you come back and they won't let you in then all I can think of is calling the police again as he can't deny you access.

I know you were "denying him access" technically but it sounds like his aggressive behaviour was the reason the police were able to move him on.

I'm sorry but the other replies are wrong. You CAN change the locks.
I saw a solicitor when I split with ex and she said I am perfectly entitled to change the locks to the house but I HAVE to allow him access to the house. If I refused to allow him access, he would be allowed to force entry.
Sounds a bit stupid really but I would get the locks changed ASAP. He's been removed by the police so, for your own safety, you are well within your rights.

I've found someone to sit in while I collect the children so that is okay short term.

Thanks for all the advice

From experience, locks can be broken and doors! Changing them is just not worth the aggro in my opinion. It just pisses an already volatile person off even more, people like that don't generally care about the police.

I know this feels like I'm suggesting the impossible but is he willing to have a sensible discussion about the living arrangements. Failing that, is there anywhere you can ?

Go?

He's not generally the type to break down the door. He'd probably just call a locksmith. I already said that I would move out but I needed time to sort it. He decided he could make me leave today by being verbally aggressive. It's entirely possible he'll move himself back in at any point. He doesn't want to be here either he just doesn't want me to "win".

Citizens advice (and various other UK legal FAQs) say you cannot change the locks.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/deciding-what-to-do-when-you-separate/

Who’s name is the house in?

I've just been speaking to someone in same situ, near enough, and no you can't but based on his behaviour you can get occupation order, especially as the police just came out to you. He will then definitely not be allowed back ornhenwill be arrested. The DC have to be protected now before this goes any further. Not saying you don't, but if he decided to say something about you not protecting, and so on....
Call the police now and tell them how you are scared to leave your own home because of earlier incident and worried for the DC. I don't think it's fair on third party to be caught up in this either. It could get nasty.

You do think him capable of a lot to think he would keep DC AND make you homeless tonight. I believe you. To try to simply chuck you out in the cold without your DC, or were they witness to this. Keep your safety uppermost in any plan you make now

He's been more of a manipulative bully than a physical one. And yes, I think he would chuck me out but not with the children here. But then again I really couldn't have predicted any of what has happened today.

I wouldn't bank on being safe, especially as the turn of events this eve.
Are you calling the police as you are too scared to get your DC back after this eve's incident?

Manipulative bullys have big fists and dont like being told 'no'

What time are you supposed to get them? It's very late now, is he not expecting you by now, or been back in touch?

You legally can. My ex husband did this to me within hours of me leaving the marital home as he was being abusive. Jointly owned. Advice was I could legally break a window to gain entry again but was prepared to do that as he had one of our children in the house. Never got back in and now five years on 😕

Well yes you legally can, but he can legally break in, the point being you can't legally keep him out

Ella ring Rights of Women specialists in this will give you free advice

Are u OK OP?

What's happened OP? Do you have DC? Are you home? Is he home?

I'm ok. I've got the children with me. He was perfectly normal when I met him and his mum was there too. I think he will keep civil in front of the children because he doesn't want to jeopardise access. Thank you for the concern Shriekingbanshee.

He can’t make you leave. You need to stay in the house if you jointly own it. Your children’s needs should be paramount.
Contact women’s aid and see if you can get a crime reference from the police re the incident or get it logged.
It’s your home too and I assume your the main care giver.
Bloody bastard- have you got any real life support.
I’d also try and get half hours free legal advice.
If your married start divorce proceedings and make sure he’s paying you maintainace.
If he comes round again call the police.