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Original poster

Accidentally pregnant, do I tell him?

28 replies

GP76 · 26/10/2018 11:15

I am recently separated and had sex with a friend unexpectedly and am now pregnant, after one time, at 42. It’s ridulous that this has happened and I can’t understand why neither of us uses protection. Do I tell him? I need to get an abortion. 3 kids already. Looming divorce. He and I are not that close with no plans to be in a relationship, although if I am honest I do like him and when I have recovered from my failed marriage would love to date him.

OP posts:
bluebeau · 26/10/2018 11:17

He needs to know, and you both need to make the decision.

He deserves to know at the very least, he may even agree to a abortion given the circumstances.

C0untDucku1a · 26/10/2018 11:17

What do you want to do?

Kennycalmit · 26/10/2018 11:19

If you didnt want a future then I’d advise not to tell him

If you do want a future with him then best to be honest.

Nesssie · 26/10/2018 11:25

If you are set on an abortion, then I honestly wouldn't tell him. But once you decide that, I don't think you would ever be able to tell him if you did decide to pursue a relationship.

NotTheFordType · 26/10/2018 11:26

If you definitely intend to terminate the pregnancy, I wouldn't tell him. What's the point?

PinkHeart5914 · 26/10/2018 11:27

If you want an abortion I wouldn’t tell him, what if he wants a baby and your end the pregnancy? Cruel to say anything imo

If you want to keep the baby then yes you need to inform him.

IStandWithPosie · 26/10/2018 11:27

No, if you’re not having a baby he doesn’t need to know anything.

userxx · 26/10/2018 11:28

I'd tell him but ultimately the choice is down to you. Does he have any children? Have a few days thinking about it before rushing into anything.

IStandWithPosie · 26/10/2018 11:28

he may even agree to a abortion given the circumstances.

And if he doesn’t??

Orlandointhewilderness · 26/10/2018 11:29

I think he has the right to know. Be more careful in future if you are that certain you don't want more children!

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 11:30

If you are sure you want a termination then I’d not tell him.

IStandWithPosie · 26/10/2018 11:30

He has a right to know if he becomes a father. Until then he has a right to know nothing about OPs physical condition.

HereForTheLineEyes · 26/10/2018 11:30

I also think he has the right to know.

bluebeau · 26/10/2018 11:31

Than it's down to the OP.

I am in a situation at the moment. Split with Ex, found out she is pregnant with my baby, she wants to keep it. So that's what's happening and i will be there for her all i can

Stripyhoglets1 · 26/10/2018 12:16

As you want to date him in the future i'd tell him but also tell him you've decided to terminate. If you do it without him knowing you may feel you have to tell him in future if you are dating and it may cause problem then. But it's 100% your choice what you do about being pregnant.

Notacluewhatthisis · 26/10/2018 12:23

If you are terminating, why tell him? What will that achieve?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/10/2018 12:24

I'm not sure. If you terminate and things lead to a relationship, then I think he should know and it will be weighing down on you. But if it was definitley a one off and not going to happen again, then no. Ultimately he can express his feelings, but he doesn't get to make the decision.

ShatnersWig · 26/10/2018 13:34

How do you have consensual sex with a friend you'd like to date "unexpectedly"?

I believe the standard MN mantra is "your body, your choice". If you were in an actual proper relationship with this man, I would advise discussing it but that the decision would still be yours at the end of the day.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 26/10/2018 18:42

He doesn't have a right to know, if you're going to terminate, and I'm not sure it would be particularly kind to tell him either. Why, when he can't have any input into the decision and you're not in a relationship?

DollyWilde · 26/10/2018 18:44

I am usually very pro telling but I wouldn’t in this scenario. Unless you really see it going the distance and you don’t think you could live with the secret.

Musti · 26/10/2018 18:45

If you would like to date him in the future then then should tell him. You can't start a relationship with that secret hanging over you imo. Otherwise, don't tell him.

BrendasUmbrella · 26/10/2018 19:31

If you are definitely going to get an abortion I wouldn't bother telling him. It could just create unnecessary drama. However, just be sure within yourself that you would be ok aborting the pregnancy and then pursuing a relationship with him later. I don't see why you shouldn't be, but if you think it's something you would want to tell him later, you may as well tell him now. (He isn't friends with your stbx is he? Because that could be another complication.)

Minionmomma · 26/10/2018 19:39

IMO honesty is the best policy. Imagine if you do end up becoming more serious down the line, I think you’d struggle to reconcile it.

Minionmomma · 26/10/2018 19:41

*in your mind

Janleverton · 26/10/2018 19:43

He doesn’t need to know.