Am I being a bitch?

[dfwr]

Regular n/c.

This is bothering me.

My dad has new-ish partner, my mum is dead. She's 3 years older than me. My children are older than hers, and my dad is taking on a caring role to her kids, picking them up from school and the like.

She doesn't like me, she doesn't include me. She has been here for dinner many times, but I've not been invited to my dad's since they got together. She left me sitting on my own last year on christmas day because my kids were with my ex and she and my dad were having a family day for her family. Dad asked her, in front of me, if I could come. And she said no.

They ask me to babysit her kids. They've asked my kids to babysit her kids.

They do very obvious PDAs - she sits on his knee in front of us all, pushes my kids out of the way if they go to sit beside my dad on the sofa, and she has quite literally sat stroking his cock while I was there.

I don't want a relationship with her, she's not my step mother and even if she legally was, I don't want a relationship with her, not that sort. I will never live in the house with her, it's not a role I want.

This would be long if I typed it all out, they diss my mum and her choices and she curls her lip and laughs and my dad goes along with it and that's how it's become now, that it's just funny to laugh at the paint my mum chose for the bathroom, isn't yellow horrible.

He pushes her in to every conversation, I was sick and had an operation, he couldn't drop me off or pick me up because he had to have her kids after school, couldn't come to visit me after, but every time on the phone was "jane was asking for you" - it's constant.

I miss my dad. It makes me sad. I don't want some floozy sitting there with her tongue down his throat all the time.

I'm dreading christmas. Dad has just told me that he won't be coming on christmas day and that means i'll be on my own on boxing day because my kids go to their dads.

I'm so sad. I don't understand why she has to push us out - I've never been anything but welcoming to her, I don't leave her out when dad is invited for dinner she comes to, and usually with her kids. Once her kids weren't invited to an adult dinner, and they got out the car and bingo there they were - I ended up having to pay for them.

Sorry this is long and garbled and I don't even know what I want out of it.

Be kind please. I've cried over this today. I don't want that woman to push me away from my dad. I know he's allowed to move on, but I'm not going to facilitate them having a shagfest, by babysitting her kids for "their anniversary" that's just too much too big of an ask.

It will all come crashing down soon enough.

She sounds like a huge bitxh who has your dad wrapped around her finger

I'd work on your dad really as he has to start pushing back here. Fuck 'asking' if you can come for Christmas, if they comes up again just say 'oh dad you don't need to ask her I'm family too and it's my family home '

As for the PDA it's aimed at you, she wants to overcome him and push you out - be strong, you're not in it for your dads love as a woman, yo re there for his love as a dad.

Perhaps suggest she organised her own childcare from time to
Time so you can spend quality time with your dad - is she using him for money ? What a total skank

I would just be up front about it and tell your dad you aren't looking after the bitches kids and you aren't going to bother having a relationship with him while he's still with her. She is very disrespectful and a complete cow.

I don't know that she means to be a bitch - I wonder if I'm over sensitive.

I just know I can't stay in the house and sleep in a room with the two of them across the hall in what used to be my mum's bedroom. It just upsets me.

He was always going to find someone else after your mum no doubt. But she is a bitch, you aren't over reacting.

Oh I know he was going to find someone - it's not that that bothers me, he had other girlfriends before who I met.

I literally never see him now without her - she has basically moved in even though they aren't admitting it, he's cut out all of the family, not just me, and it's just all about her.

And it bothers me that she might be after his money - mercenary of me, I know, and none of us are entitled to anything and all the rest, but most of the money came from my mum, not his side, and I know she wouldn't want us not to get it (and I know, if she hadn't wanted that she should have seen to it in her will).

Wow she's a class A bitch isn't she!! She's like poison ivy, she wants to take your place in your DF's life (daddy issues anyone?!). If I was you OP I would try and arrange some one-on-one time with your DF, go for lunch or a coffee or something, plan it for when she's at work or unavailable. Make it crystal clear she is not invited, this is time for you and your dad. Tell your dad how you're happy that he is moving on after the passing of your mum but how you're sad with how things have changed so much and that you, his DD, are feeling pushed out when things happen like last Christmas. Tell him you miss him. Don't slag off the GF, don't really talk about her at all in case he goes on the defensive about her and you lose your chance to let him know how you're feeling without it sounding like you're just having a go at her. The onus for his behaviour is 100% on him and him hearing it from you might just wake him up to how his behaviour is affecting you. Unfortunately it sounds like his brain has been relegated to his pants at the moment and the new slutbag GF is fully aware and taking total advantage of that. I hope it works out for you.

Your dad sounds scared of upsetting her. She is a calculating person. She wants your dad to look after her kids but have nothing to do with his own child - You. I would hold your dad responsible for some of this. Why does he have to ask her permission to invite you for Christmas? You need to take this up with him. If he doesn't invite you this year tell him plainly how much he's hurting you. This is on him.

The pdas, pushing your kids away from their grandfather etc just seems such an obvious effort to push you all out. I don't even know what to say about the cock stroking!!! She really is vile.

Can you arrange to see your dad on your own? Call him, send pics of your kids etc to keep a close bond with him.

I'm sorry you've been crying all day. I would be crying too.

I hope your dad comes to his senses and realises she's using him and alienating him from his family.

Definitely not overreacting. How can you not be allowed at your dad's house for Christmas??
That one alone is enough for me not to like her

1. No, you are most definitely not being a bitch.

2. I don't want that woman to push me away from my dad. - so don't bloody let her! Big girl pants.

I know it'll be hard, but once challenged a few times, she will back down. She badmouths your mother? Call her out on it. You don't need to be aggressive, just a simple, 'I find that disrespectful'..stop babysitting for her.

I can't talk to him he will go batshit. Tried before. He lost the plot and I was scared. He totally lost it. I can't describe how frightening it was.

I don't dislike her, I don't dislike that he's moved on, that's ok, I am honestly ok with that, but it's this pushing out that bothers me and the insistence that she's there all the time. I never get to see him at all - I tried to organise to see him for coffee the other week (I was off work post op) and he just dodged and dodged dates until he picked the day in the week she gets off. So we all three of us met for coffee.

I don't want her on my facebook. I don't want to have to be sending her kids birthday presents. I bought them a token last year at christmas and left it at dad's for them. I tried to do the right thing.

I don't want her telephone number I don't want her to have mine (that was suggested by dad - I swerved it)

The cock stroking was like watching something in slow motion while your brain goes just stop just stop. Honestly. (It didn't last that long but it was just awful).

He used to sit in a recliner chair, he now sits on the sofa all the time and she's right beside him. ALL THE TIME. Her leg is touching his leg or she's holding his hand.

My mum was desperate for physical contact when she was dying and he wouldn't touch her, it was me who did for her, and god I know this makes me an awful person but I am so so angry with him for it - he can plaster all over that woman and he wouldn't touch my mum when she begged him to hug her.

Sorry. I'm upset and I'm going to step away for a bit

Thank you all I appreciate it.

Your dad lost it with you over her? Just cut them both out of your life, go no contact. Your dad will come crawling back eventually when he realises what she is.

oh bless you OP- it's not you though it is her. I think 'floozy' is a bit unfair, it doesn't make her one to be kissing her own partner or whatever but i understand you're upset. It goes without saying that the touching in public is vile and weird but still. She does sound like a massive dick though, and is obviously very insecure. Such a shame for you that her need to be 'top dog' is making you feel so upset.

Can you not sit down your dad and be direct and just say " Dad it was very hurtful that you and 'x' make fun of mum in that way, i'm shocked that you would and would like you to stop" and then a " Dad i'm happy for you but i'd like to spend time together one on one, does this date work" - and don't let him fob you off or change it into something with her. I agree with other posters you will sadly get nowhere slagging her off or acting jealous all the while he is mooning over her, and she is in his ear, so try to avoid that. Saying you don't want anything to do with her will likely backfire, as she will either be made a victim or make herself one.

What can you do but talk to your dad directly really, ask him why he cannot see you at christmas, say you don't think your children should be babysitting while they have school to focus on, and tell your dad you will not be babysitting all the while he can't find the time to see you alone, or at christmas. for you OP, it sounds tough and i'm sure you must just want him back and her gone, but real life is so much trickier isn't it, unfortunately.

FWIW the age gap is more than 25 years between them.

and I know my use of floozy was unkind. And I do feel sorry for that

You Aren’t being over sensitive. She is trying to push you out and erase your dads previous life - probably because she is an insecure bitch who sees you as competition and a reminder that she isn’t the only phone he has loved (ie, your mother and you).

I’d honestly call him and say you NEED to talk to him about something that’s bothering you and that you want it to be just you and him. She will obviously be all bitchy about it and put all thoughts in his head but he is still your dad. You need to play the ‘hurt child’ as that is exactly what you are.

Be honest with him and tell him you miss him and feel new woman is pushing you and your children out of the picture. Have a heart to heart and be clear that you are very happy he has found a new partner but that you are still here and want to feel like your dad has room for you too.

Anyone who strokes a mans cock in full view of others, including his family IS a floozy. So don't apologise for using that word for her. It fits.

Miggeldy I love your name. It’s brought a smile to my face.

Op, I think you need to step back from your dad.

He lost it with you and he's participating in these antics, and it's not all coming from her, it sounds like there's a history if he wouldn't hug your mum. (Sounds like there is and was always dysfunction with him.) He's picked someone who delights in being hurtful and unfiltered. I don't believe he's just a nice man suckered by sex.

In all honesty, a bit of distance, doing your own thing for Christmas and not playing their game is your best course. It's awful, but you're not going to win here, withdrawing for your own protection is all there is.

He couldn’t cope with how ill she was and the care she needed. He really struggled with the personal care she needed.

He’s not ever been like this all over someone before.

I do need to step away for a bit but thanks all.

I don’t know if it’s even worth trying to talk to him again or if I’d be better to just leave it. Tbh. I’m so so sad about it I can’t even think straight over it which is pathetic.

Whatever you do op,do what you need to do to make sure YOU have no regrets. You are hurt and have a right to be heard. What he does as a consequence of that is his choice but at least you know you’ve told him and whatever follows isn’t down to you

She's a horrible twat and your dad's behaviour isn't much better, as he's enabling her. Really shit for you, OP