Am I being a bitch?

[dfwr]

Regular n/c.

This is bothering me.

My dad has new-ish partner, my mum is dead. She's 3 years older than me. My children are older than hers, and my dad is taking on a caring role to her kids, picking them up from school and the like.

She doesn't like me, she doesn't include me. She has been here for dinner many times, but I've not been invited to my dad's since they got together. She left me sitting on my own last year on christmas day because my kids were with my ex and she and my dad were having a family day for her family. Dad asked her, in front of me, if I could come. And she said no.

They ask me to babysit her kids. They've asked my kids to babysit her kids.

They do very obvious PDAs - she sits on his knee in front of us all, pushes my kids out of the way if they go to sit beside my dad on the sofa, and she has quite literally sat stroking his cock while I was there.

I don't want a relationship with her, she's not my step mother and even if she legally was, I don't want a relationship with her, not that sort. I will never live in the house with her, it's not a role I want.

This would be long if I typed it all out, they diss my mum and her choices and she curls her lip and laughs and my dad goes along with it and that's how it's become now, that it's just funny to laugh at the paint my mum chose for the bathroom, isn't yellow horrible.

He pushes her in to every conversation, I was sick and had an operation, he couldn't drop me off or pick me up because he had to have her kids after school, couldn't come to visit me after, but every time on the phone was "jane was asking for you" - it's constant.

I miss my dad. It makes me sad. I don't want some floozy sitting there with her tongue down his throat all the time.

I'm dreading christmas. Dad has just told me that he won't be coming on christmas day and that means i'll be on my own on boxing day because my kids go to their dads.

I'm so sad. I don't understand why she has to push us out - I've never been anything but welcoming to her, I don't leave her out when dad is invited for dinner she comes to, and usually with her kids. Once her kids weren't invited to an adult dinner, and they got out the car and bingo there they were - I ended up having to pay for them.

Sorry this is long and garbled and I don't even know what I want out of it.

Be kind please. I've cried over this today. I don't want that woman to push me away from my dad. I know he's allowed to move on, but I'm not going to facilitate them having a shagfest, by babysitting her kids for "their anniversary" that's just too much too big of an ask.

You need to steel yourself to reinstate boundaries or you will never be at peace with this.

Take a step back and don't be so available. You are giving too much power to the both of them to upset you. If they want to see you they must come to your house. Only be available on your terms. Don't baby sit anymore.

You don't have to have a big scene with your dad and it sounds like that wouldnt work anyway. Just withdraw and work on getting yourself happy again. It also sounds like you are grieving for your mum which is perfectly natural. Can you join a bereavment group to work on thoae difficult feelings?

Just remember:

'grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference'.

My sm encouraged my df to dump me and my dc.
Haven't seen him for 20 years now.
He is a grown man, safe your sanity and emotional well being and walk away.
He needs to see her for what she is himself.

The women is horrible but then so is your father.Only you know if he was always like this .If he was a good father then tell you need your space but if he's in any trouble to call you.It would be nice to think he will realise his mistake and bin her -unfortunately he's weak and will probably stay with her.

I think @Bambamrubblesmum has it in one.

Withdraw. Do not lower yourself to the 'pick me dance'. He is either worthy of you or not worthy of you and eventually he will decide which way he is going to jump.

This is all on him. Forget her. She is just an appendage.

Is it worth writing him a letter with how you feel?

explain you are not comfortable and will be taking a step back and letting him concentrate on his new relationship, you could mention that you feel uncomfortable with the overt sexual behaviour if you needed to

I could be wrong, but there's a good chance she's after his money. It's a story as old as the hills. It made me think of Heather Mills when she set her sights on Paul McCartney, love bombing him and giving him great sex to get that ring on her finger. Your dad's head is probably spinning from all the sex and attention. It's tragic but sadly nothing you can do. We know a family going through this at the moment; an older man with money and properties, and a young woman with a young child who has basically bewitched him (even though she has a partner on the side). She was originally his cleaner. The police have been involved and warned him, as she and her partner have form, but he's totally besotted with her. He's given her one of his properties to live in, and recently announced he wants to marry her. Nothing anyone can do about it.

I went NC with my dad because his 2nd wife, who was also OW, was a massive bitch, and behaved quite similarly to your dad's wife. He wouldn't hear a bad word about her, and so I cut them both off

Thanks all for not roasting me.

I do wonder if she’s after his money he’s in a nice big house paid off and he has good pensions and stuff.

But I just feel I can’t keep trying and getting shut out. It’s utterly shit to be on your own at Christmas and he doesn’t care. And that’s his responsibility. Not hers. He has to find a backbone.