Why are my spidery senses tingling?

[Whyareyoucrying]

My DH came in to the room yesterday and said there is a client thing going on straight after work on November ?? And they want me to stay in a hotel.

I asked who had asked him to stay as what he said didn't make sense and he very quickly named one colleague and his immediate boss. I asked why he needed to stay (as we live about an hour away by train) and he got really angry and shouted that he never goes out and is a good husband and 'everyone ' is staying. Then he said why should he leave at 10pm. I said that last train is around midnight. He said he didn't believe me.

Now DH goes away with work a couple of times a month or so and goes out with these people whilst away (naturally) so why is this making me uneasy? I told him that it felt odd and he shouted that he won't go to any of it then and spent the rest of the evening stonewalling me.

I tried to explain that it just felt weird and that maybe i was just being sensitive but he just kept repeating that he won't go to anything ever again.

On the one hand I can see he wants to stay out if 'everyone' is but It has left me feeling weird about it. I have been asking him for maybe 3 months if he is ok etc as he seems like something is wrong but he says just work stress.

His reaction isn't great, he sounds like a grumpy teenager being asked too many questions but then I'm not sure why you were bothered about him staying at a hotel. Do you not trust him? Has he given you reasons not to?

His defensiveness jumps out at me straight away and then the fact something has been a bit off for 3 months doesn't give me a good feeling. Am hoping I'm wrong.

I have no reason not to trust him, and normally I would just nod and say put it on the calendar it was just how he said it that made me ask who had asked him to stay. The whole conversation stood out as strange.

I also think his reaction is overtly defensive.

What happened three months ago?.

Nothing, we went on a short break with our daughter and strange as it sounds he was a bit hyper. It's the only way I can describe it. We came home and it continued. He went to visit his family for a few days and came home and was acting really weird. Like edgy somehow. It had slowed down a bit but last week it started again and then this.

It's not the fact that he is going out or even staying out, as I said normally I wouldn't bat an eyelid. It was just how he said 'they've asked me to stay in a hotel and when I asked who, the first person that he said was just a colleague, same level as him then mentioned immediate managers name after.

What do you mean by hyper; was this in terms of emotions?.

Did a new work colleague arrive at his workplace then?

When he spoke it was overly animated, everything was much more dramatic and amplified. I even asked him if he had taken any drugs as it was so odd.

I don't know if anyone new has joined, some have left so I guess they must have.

Thanks for letting me sound it out.

Sounds very odd and something similar happened to me and it turned out I was right. It was just the way they were, as you say kind of hyper and I remember the conversation 18 months later as at the time his manner seemed so odd. Nothing actually happened but was gearing up to it if the other party had been interested
I would be doing some serious snooping .. sorry !

He sounded excited about it rather than normal run of the mill stuff is it?

Yes that's just it. Something about it is off. I guess I will see what happens. I'm not the sort that sits quietly and waits though.

Don't say anything else about it to him but keep yours wits about you. Do you have access to his email, phone and social media?

No not excited about the night out. Just at everything. The conversation about the night out was so weird as it was almost like he had braced himself for it even though he does this sort of thing fairly frequently.

Do you think drugs might be involved?

I have access to all his home things but not his work phone or emails. Maybe I will look up how to use it and have a look to see if there is anything. I cannot imagine he would leave anything remotely incriminating though.

Yeah you just know if something is a bit odd or out of the ordinary, if he's hiding something or his motivation for wanting to stay even

Are you entirely sure he was staying with his family three months ago?

The over excited about everything sounds like drugs, although I have a relative with bi polar. When she had a manic episode I would describe her as over excited too. It could be a number of things 🤔

I have no reason not to trust him
I think you do now.
Everything sounds very odd and is pointing towards having his head turned.
You need to start digging.

Hi OP

I agree with the other poster who said 'start having a look'. There is something not right about this and my spidy is going off like a rocket. It's the description of 'hyper' behaviour that's doing it for me, I'm afraid. And no, I don't think it's drugs.

Yes I'd continue acting as normal as possible so he "relaxes" but then do some detective work.

I’m really sorry, but I’d put good money on it being drugs or OW.

Either would be unacceptable to me. Years ago I would have tried to work out what was going on, how to fix it etc... now I’d just tell him his behaviour is unacceptable to me and that I’m not stupid, it’s either drugs or another woman and our relationship is over. How are we going to go about untangling our lives?’

It does sound suspiciously like an OW unfortunately.

As for him saying he won't go to anything ever again, call his bluff, and say "Okay, that's great then". See how long it is until he brings another thing up.

Was it an amticpation of excitement kind of hyper. Amd sounds like he’s geared himself up as to him it is out of the ordinary perhaps (depending on what he’s planning)

I could identify after the events that ex’s explanations for being away were different and his body language different to the normal routine client events

Trust your spidery OP

He was definitely visiting family, Sadly I think that many of you might be right about having his head turned. It seems like that kind of excited behaviour but not about anything specific.

In regards to the drugs his behaviour was so odd that I would have put money on it being that but I have gone through all accounts that I know about with a fine tooth comb and there is no money missing anywhere that I can see.