just found out my dp is still looking at porn

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As I sit here in tears i have just been looking at our recent history on a well known shopping site to discover my husband has been looking at some porn DVD titles. I thought we had got over this as it has happened before. He is away at the moment nd I feel so ashamed and hurt. Am I taking this too much to heart?

Don't worry about it fabric, he's not being unfaithful to you is he? Just try to accept it and move on

Yes, honey. Let it go. Guys are guys. As long as the two of you are having sex and love each other, the rest is just eye candy. It has nothing at all to do with you!

there are lots of people who have come up aganist this problem - if you search messages you will find a wealth of advice and support.

I wouldn't worry either. Don't know your history though - did he promise never to do this again? If so, probably shouldn't have made unrealistic promises he couldn't keep.

looking at them, or buying them? either way, it is not the worst thing in the world...unless it signals some deeper problems

Since having 2 children and depression I have not been in the mood very often for sex. Plus he is overweight which puts me off and so am I. Even if he wasn't overweight I just have no sexual desire at all.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Loads of men watch/look at a bit of porn, but it doesn't mean he finds you any less attractive.

I don't know your history, so don't know if there's more to this, but if he is just watching the odd DVD in his own time, I wouldn't get too worried about it personally.

Taking in your new info about lack of sex life, my DH still says porn is not your problem. If anything, it's a sign there's still a spark, there's still the seed that could be a healthy passion there.

Honestly, sex is important to a marriage. You gotta have it. Have a glass of wine and get busy! Pretend he's Brad Pitt, just get your butt in gear. Sex can be great exercise and remember, if you're doing it right, there's a 100% chance you'll feel better at the end!

And if necessary, discover toys. He has his porn, you can have your vibrator!

if he's doing it in secret he must feel a need to do so. Have you talked to him about your sex life and how you feel? How does he feel?

Ww do talk about it regularly and we both know how the other feels. I just feel it is an obssession with him that he has to hide. Apart from this issue we have a great marriage, he is a great dad and my best friend, I love him deeply but this is tearing me apart and maybe eventually us.

I think you need to sit down & talk about this if you feel it could end up driving you apart.

If he knows you dont like it, then he shouldn be doing it.

Whether porn is right or wrong (big debate - wrong imo) - if heknows i makes you feel this way he shouldnt.

There are loads of threads about this. I am in the 'porn does not bother me camp'

My dh looks at it online and I ahve no issue with it, but taht's just me.

But don't think you have the right to stop him? People are entitled to their own private thoughts are they not?

Agree you need to work on improving your sex life though.

FGS, he is only looking at DVD titles, not romping with hookers. You need to get some perspective on this 'cos otherwise you will lose a great husband and dad.

Oh FFS get a grip!

sorry bit harsh, but its only porn,

it doesnt mean hes going to run off and start a new family with a DVD!

that's helpful kitty
My dh is a web designer and used to work for a company that design these sites etc. Believe me they very soon get bored of looking at muffs. I think it has put dh off of it for life, after airbrushing moles and bits of skin off of hideous readers wives.. Try not to worry.

lol kitty, you told yourself off

I know

Could always try watching it with him, you never know it might get you in the mood too...

i am kind of thinking along the same lines as wisreria, is there a chance he was wanting to buy these dvds for you to watch together, if he was really looking for something to have a "tom tank" over surley he would be looking at more raunchy stuff than a dvd cover.

wisteria even

Agree with wisteria.He prob thought maybe it would help.
Everyone has needs and it sounds as if he's trying to find an answer that doesn't invole an affair or any arguments.Have you spoken to anyone about loss of sex drive.Would think doc might be able to help.
Don't feel ashamed or hurt it isn't healthy.You need to try to work with your dh to help you get your drive back.Also you have to think about the fact that he obv still has his and you need to find a way you both can be satisfied.

he is being out of order going behind your back if he knows you dont like it IMO.i think its unecessary for men to look at other women while they wank,and i think you are perfectly within your rights to tell him you dont find it acceptable.

but

it could be the case that he was looking for something you could both watch together,to spice things up,and maybe doesnt know how to broach the subject with you?

i think you should discuss it with him,and find out what is on his mind.

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