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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

just found out my dp is still looking at porn

39 replies

fabric · 16/06/2007 09:59

As I sit here in tears i have just been looking at our recent history on a well known shopping site to discover my husband has been looking at some porn DVD titles. I thought we had got over this as it has happened before. He is away at the moment nd I feel so ashamed and hurt. Am I taking this too much to heart?

OP posts:
milkchocolateStarryStarryNight · 16/06/2007 17:48

Everybody needs some release now and then, and if you and him are not having a great sexual relationship at the moment, more the reason for him to look at porn. It is just visually aided orgasm, nothing else. You cant really control what he is thinking, or looking at for this stimulation, to be honest.

Seems to me you both have weight problems that should be adressed too. Could you sit down and talk to him about this? Could you suggest you together take up some exercise, like walking, or cycling as a family? Could you join a dance class together? Could you look into healthy eating and see if there is a way of coming up with healthy and nutritious family meals?

My husband bought me a bike for mothersday last year, the best thing he could have done. After I had the kids, I too had put on lots of weight, had no sexdrive, caught my husband wanking to online porn movie, it was a laugh really, he was so ashamed. I told him not to worry, he has normal male urges. But, I have lost a stone the last month, and got my sexdrive back, and on sunday I was able to cycle 18 miles! Weighloss, exercxise, and getting my sexdrive back has made me a new woman. I am not telling you what to do, and stictly speaking you asked about porn, not diet advise, so forgive me if I am overstepping, it is just that you said it was linked.

winniepoo · 16/06/2007 18:03

This is why women are not as sad as men Most do it, few admit it and lets face it things could be a lot worse. I think you need to loose weight and work on yourself esteem - it will work wonders for your confidence and you may even find this behaviour doesn't bother you as much.

beansprout · 16/06/2007 18:06

Straight man in looking at porn shocker!!

If we like it or not, they seem to be programmed to do this stuff. It doesn't necessarily make you feel great about yourself but it's not about you either. I'm sorry it's upset you though.

divastrop · 16/06/2007 21:05

wanking is a 'release' looking at porn whilst doing it totally unecessary,though, IMO.

no,you cant control another persons thoughts,but i dont think its wrong to not want your oh to look at other women naked,and to expect your oh to respect your wishes.

JodieG1 · 16/06/2007 21:12

You can't stop men thinking of other women naked and I really don't think looking at porn whilst wanking matters at all. If they enjoy it and enhances the experience then why not? It's fantasy and nothing more. To say that they can think of whatever they like but not watch it seems ludicrous to me as the only difference, theoritcally, is that their eyes are open or closed. What difference does it make if they see it with their eyes rather than just in their mind?

LaBoheme · 16/06/2007 21:14

Don't worry about it it's totally normal to look at a bit of porn now and then - I'd only be worried if the images were really sick or if he was obsessive about it. Aside from that sll guys like a bit of punani gazing after all....

thegardener · 16/06/2007 21:21

i agree with wisteria & MCSSN, they both offer good advice

divastrop · 16/06/2007 21:32

i woulnt think about other men whilst playing with myself,and i wuld hope that my dp wouldnt think about other women,or it would be a sign our relationship was in serious trouble

do those who think all men look at/watch porn,think that all women do also?

fabric · 16/06/2007 21:36

Thanks to those who posted helpful comments & suggestions, calmed down now and we have talked, don't want to lose him.

OP posts:
kama · 16/06/2007 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ElenorRigby · 18/06/2007 13:28

Hi Fabric

Heres an article from the Daily Telegraph about the different attitudes men and women have to porn.

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/h ealth/2007/01/23/hlife23.xml

An interesting read methinks

ElenorRigby · 18/06/2007 13:32

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/200 7/01/23/hlife23.xml

kittylette · 18/06/2007 13:35

divastrop i look at porn, it certainly doesnt mean theres a problem with my relationship because of it!
Or run off with another woman because of it!

divastrop · 18/06/2007 13:41

i said i dont think about anybody else whilst masturbating and if i did it would mean there was something wrong in my relationship,i didnt say that about looking at porn.

and i was talking about my relationship,not anybody elses.if i am in love then i am only attracyed to the person i am in love with,and i only have sexual feelings for that person.i know other people have different types of relationships,but that doesnt mean that i'm wrong.

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