struggling to process some things (TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse)

[kafeundkuchen]

OK- I tried posting on AIBU earlier but I did not come across well. Thread on there has been hidden, and I have started again with different account, different name.

I am in therapy at the moment for a mixture of personality disorder and CPTSD. I am just about coming to accept that I was emotionally and verbally abused by parents (plus witnessing some violence at home) and am struggling to process some issues regarding some "minor" childhood sexual abuse and also an incident which happened in my first year at university, where as a naive girl from a sheltered anbd strict background I got into a "One night stand" with a man who was a bit persisitent and insistent, meaning I have felt a bit violated.

I have been suggested I come on here and chat. I have told my therapist about my childhood and he says I need to stop minimising the abuse that happened back then. I am still in the process of learning how to do that.

I found out tonight through my AIBU post on MN that the "one night stand" may have been a kind of sexual asssault. Am feeling a bit shaken and finding it hard to sleep.

I was pondering your words Kaf

You have said what a difference you can see in your DM when your father is around. That tells me everything really. She might be fully aware of his real intent and to trapped to escape, but she might be stuck in a FOG like most terrified women.

I just wanted to be sure you were aware of the effects on her (and obvs little developing you in utero), whilst she was pregnant. A baby developing in such a traumatic pregnancy is born adrenalised and fractious, difficult to settle to say the least. It's just to say really that there really is a lot outside of your conscious memory and I think it was your reference to some sort of ancestral memory, that flagged it for me. I don't want to sound patronising, but it can take such a long time to really see how awful its been and understand how there have been such effects on you when to you,growing up, it was so normal, and the brain does such profound survival adaptions.

Pregnancy is a very high risk time within an abusive relationship. It's a well recognise trigger for violent escalation.

Your DM is clearly terrified of him and is only managing to survive to this day, as you say, thank goodness you got out, and not for a made up reason.

It's good you have lots of tools for managing, but I do think he's right (counsellor).

Hope you are managing OK today, here have some hope you like and to cheer and warm