Hi everyone. Sorry this is reeeally long but there's so much I need to get off my chest and I really need some advice.
I have read some really good advice on here and I'm trying to get over a recent breakup. I've posted a few times. I am trying to understand what role I played in the breakup and how to move forward.
In a nutshell, my partner was very insecure and became quite jealous of friendships and interests. I posted about this, which he found and read, and we tried to resolve it. It was a relatively short (10mo) but very intense relationship. We were best friends and he became my entire focus outside of work. I am feeling very hurt and upset as I've had to leave the city and give up my social life - I am now totally alone with no friends as I've had to move back with my parents.
He was often quite blunt and sometimes snarky with me and picked me up on little things, like how I behaved in shops, how I talked to people, how much attention I gave him, and how I responded to his behaviour when he upset me. We had big fights centered about me telling him that I was upset, and then him in return saying that I was too sensitive. If I upset him then he didn't want to hear my reasons and I found that really, really hard (it was always unintentional - I never once tried to upset or hurt him).
He did say that he would try harder and he did get better, but occasional things would slip through, for example, making snidy commets about my obsessive interest in music/bands when I was younger, and my current interest in a musician that he doens't like. This latter one really grated because it's a hangup from his jealous behaviour from earlier. He was also really focussed on how he came across to people, for example, if I got upset on our way to a social event, he would be more concerned with people seeing I had cried and thinking that he was a bad partner than how I was feeling, if you see what I mean. I feel like someone shouldn't have to try to be nice to someone, it should come naturally. It comes naturally to me and I tried very hard to be a good partner.
I just couldn't take the mental anxiety. I broke up with him because I tried to imagine how this behaviour would affect me years down the line and when we are no longer spending all of our time having fun but dealing with houses, kids, money, parents dying, etc.
I often felt like he thought I overreacted and needed a thicker skin, and because he had worked on his insecurities, that it was now my time to fix things. I tried to tell him that I couldn't help how I felt if he said something that upset me and that I couldn't just ignore it. I tried to keep it all in but it didn't work, I just got resentful and it led to us breaking up.
I don't think my partner did any of this consciously, he was just expressing his feelings. He was feeling very insecure, had been cheated on in the past. I could see him struggling a lot and working hard on his problems. And I feel like a hypocrite saying that I am allowed to express my feelings but he isn't.
Sorry I am waffling slightly but I would like to understand if I do need to work harder on my own feelings and how I can work on this. I have always been told that I am a very sensitive person, but I don't know how to change. I feel like I've thrown this relationship away because I can't take criticism. I wish I was more resilient and could let things wash over me and I wish I had a thicker skin. I've had counselling, done self help, tried to ignore it, but it never works - I just feel shit. I completely understand that this is very hard to live with and would like to change it.
I am really, really struggling not to go back to my partner because of all of the good times. I still love him, he was great for me in many ways. I feel very alone and want my life back. I don't know what to do.
Thanks for getting this far :/