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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My DC's friend has just moved in with us from an abusive home situation

56 replies

watchingtheworld · 21/10/2018 14:11

Just that really, the child is 15, 16 in a couple of months. The stories have been pouring out. It seems as if they have never had a kind word said to them. They have been on a very restricted diet, not due to poverty but seemingly due to extreme control by the M. They are underweight and have never eaten the majority of fruit or vegetable, for instance tomatoes, oranges - the list is endless. They were only allowed out of their room to eat, and other children encouraged to tell tales about them, either real of made up. There were a series of rules which constantly changed so were impossible to obey. There is almost too much to list here, but there doesn't seem to be any aspect of their life which was ok, let alone good. There had been SS involvement but the M managed to put it all down to difficult teenage behavior. They have been with me since last weekend, I have called SS 4 times, but have not had any contact. The school have been fantastic and said the child had 'been on their radar' and have offered us a free bus pass, free school meals and money for uniform and books.
I am trying to gradually introduce new foods and have noticed that they struggle to help themselves, but eat well when food is put on their plate.
Has anyone got any advice? I have never experienced anything like this, although I have worked with vulnerable adults with MH problems and children in deprived situations.

OP posts:
Villanellesproudmum · 25/10/2018 08:40

Good luck, as I was that child many, many years ago from my perspective please don’t follow the advice to let them see your tears as that’s the last thing they need and don’t be surprised if at some stage they get angry about it all, not with you but with their mother.

whynot93 · 25/10/2018 10:46

So sorry to read this but not surprised at SS lack of interest in helping! We had a similar case at my son's school - child of 6/7 yr this vile mother was on drugs and her poor son was basically living in squalor.. seeing all sorts and he just shut down. Slept most of the day in the book corner in the classroom and cried when it was time to go home. SS did investigate but said he was not in danger! I honestly couldn't believe it.. went on and on for well over a year. I called myself as did other parents, we fed him, clothed him and tried our best to get him out of there. It was absolutely heart wrenching!! This summer she disappeared with that child.. now off the SS radar and no one knows where 🙁 awful. It does go in and it's very real, so kind of you to take in this child. x

Clutterbugsmum · 25/10/2018 11:33

Whynot93

The school will have reported him as a child missing from education if no other school has requested his records.

whynot93 · 25/10/2018 12:01

Yes they have and still have had no joy.. it's believed they have moved. The school were trying everything and getting nowhere with SS and the scary thing is they said they had much higher cases of neglect that this just wasn't on their radar. The woman was on crack!! And a dealer apparently.. how bad does it have to be. That poor child, I can't imagine what he's seen and living in, heartbreaking

northernglam · 25/10/2018 12:19

SS will want to avoid having to make this a formal placement of them taking child into their care and then placing with you as then have to pay you an allowance and become responsible eg for education fees etc Its cheaper for them if this is a private arrangement. But you and then child will miss out on significant benefits. Try contacting Coram a legal advice charity for children for advice. They won't be interested in doing safeguarding inv as the risk has been removed by leaving home. But they still need decide whether needs to be accommodated by the council under s20 Children Act. Either you or child can make a formal complaint to children social care.

merrykate · 25/10/2018 12:24

What a lovely person you are. School should be contacting social services too, from a safeguarding pov.

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