How much do you feel you need your partner?

[StarBaker]

I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this!

In a relationship, how much do you feel that you need your partner?

In my head, it is kind of a balance between want and need, and I wonder if whether when a relationship starts, the balance is weighted more towards want than need, and over time it shifts the balance in the other direction?

I'm asking because I was looking at something the other day about talking to your partner about how much they mean to you, and a lot of the stuff was about "I can't live without you" or "you are my world" or things indicating that you need them in your life and therefore depend on them being around.

Does everyone get to that point in a relationship?

I'm not sure I ever have. Which I think is out of fear of relying on someone totally and then being let down and hurt. But what is "normal" in a relationship, if that even exists?

Well I’ve just had to call my fiance whilst he’s out at football to give me a peptalk to catch a massive spider so I guess you could say I need and rely on him quite a lot

Literally couldn't function without him. I have mental health issues and he has stuck by me through some really difficult times.

I get rid of the spiders though

I could live and cope without my dh. I don’t want to, but I could.

I have never needed a man. I have chosen to have them in my life, I have enjoyed the love, kindness and amusement that they have provided but I've never needed one. I catch my own spiders and drill my own holes. I love men, I really do, but I make me complete, not a chap. I have cried at the end of both of my main relationships, but neither man has left a gaping hole in my life. Indeed, quite the opposite.

I don't need Dp. I want him.

I have my own home, my own income etc. I would be devastated to lose him, but I would get through it.

I could manage without DH. I don't want to but I could. He is the mainstay of my life and my best friend but I managed for 30 years before we met and could do so again.

I am the spider catcher, the gardener, the more practical person, the organiser. He provides lots of emotional support and shares everything in terms of house and children. At the moment he is the main earner but I am capable of earning what he does. I am a resilient person and could manage without a man. I like my own company too

@LEMtheoriginal exactly the same.

I don't need him, I want him. I spent 6 yrs as a single parent and would happily do that again over being in a relationship that didn't bring joy to my life. I love DP and want him very much in my life but I could live quite happily alone with my children.

Don't need DH in the slightest. I cope perfectly well without him - I just keep him around for the pretty face

In all seriousness though I'm happy with not needing him. It means that I'm choosing to have him in my life because he makes it better, not because I can't cope without him.

Hmm. Need? Or want?
He's my best friend (usually!) so I would hate to be without him. But I am a capable and independent person who is probably the boss of life in our house so yes, I could function perfectly well without him. Just wouldn't want to.

I could live without my dp but I really don't ever want to and it would be utterly devastating if I had to. We've been together for 21 years and he's my best friend. I know I wouldhave to cope but there would be a massive, gaping hole for me.

I could cope without him, I managed to run my life before I met him and although it would be harder with DC I’m sure we’d survive. However, he makes my life easier and nicer (usually ) and he certainly does household jobs I physically couldn’t do and would end up having to pay someone for. It also helps immensely to be able to tag team DS if we are having a ‘challenging’ bedtime before I lose the plot!

Right now I could cope perfectly fine if not better without him. It's like having a third child/ needy toddler . Wants constant attention 🙄

Saying you ‘need’ someone is just an expression of extreme affection, not a statement of fact. As any of us who have ever been wildly in love with and felt reliant on a man and been dumped or left unexpectedly will know from experience!

Even if you feel like you ‘need’ someone, if they left or died you’d survive. You’d have to cos you’d have no choice. So therefore you don’t need them at all. You need oxygen, water, food, you could argue for sanity you need human interaction and relationships of some kind, but you don’t need one specific human being.

It’s a lovely and freeing realisation. I don’t need anyone. I love and want him.

I'm with you there @Dementedswan

I could live without DH but I need him for the life I want - I don't mean for material things but the things we do together and the kind of person I can be when I'm with him.

We got together mid-30s and I had been very independent for a long time. I had to make a conscious effort to allow myself to be more vulnerable and needy as I felt it was the only way we would truly trust each other. I wanted to need him.

I don’t think it’s healthy to need a partner as very often relationships break down and if you find yourself in a co-dependent state it can be very difficult to move on from that relationship.

In a previous relationship I was very independent and never ‘needed my ex’ which to him was an affront. I was slowly conditioned into believing that I needed him like I needed oxygen which kept me coming back for more despite all of the terrible things he put me through.

Wanting someone is healthy but needing is not imo

I could live without DH, to be honest I do most of the time as he works away. But forever, I wouldn't like to. He's the one person I feel I can be completely honest with, be me and I know he will always make me smile and support me. Vice versa too.
He's annoying as hell at times and has really hurt me over the years but the good things far exceed the bad.

I need him, I'll tKe care of him, but need him at arms length, a lot of the time. Both our kids have severe SN and it's pretty intense and we both need a lot of all one time.

I have longer conversations with our resident spiders than dh, some days.

On a practical level, I don't need him - I earn plenty and can cope with bugs & hiring handy men. On an emotional level, he is my rock. Nearly 30 years together, I am a tough, capable woman thanks to his unwavering love and support. He has given me the love and security my birth family didn't. I could survive without him, I guess, thanks to his love. But I would be utterly bereft. I love him.

I've been with OH for 25 years, but if he stopped adding to my happiness he'd be out on his ear.

I'd be ashamed to need a man.

The last few months DP and I have had many many argusments over him being unhelpful around the house and just generally being a bit thoughtless. I just feel like he does fuck all.

He's been ill and bedridden the last 2 days and I'm finding it SO hard. Turns out he does more than I think, especially things like watching DD so I can tidy up and do uni work. Feeling so overwhelmed without him. Turns out he is quite useful!