How much do you feel you need your partner?

[StarBaker]

I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this!

In a relationship, how much do you feel that you need your partner?

In my head, it is kind of a balance between want and need, and I wonder if whether when a relationship starts, the balance is weighted more towards want than need, and over time it shifts the balance in the other direction?

I'm asking because I was looking at something the other day about talking to your partner about how much they mean to you, and a lot of the stuff was about "I can't live without you" or "you are my world" or things indicating that you need them in your life and therefore depend on them being around.

Does everyone get to that point in a relationship?

I'm not sure I ever have. Which I think is out of fear of relying on someone totally and then being let down and hurt. But what is "normal" in a relationship, if that even exists?

I totally agree that it's not healthy to need someone to the point of dependence, but IMO your partner if you're serious together, especially if you are married or have DC should improve your life to the point that you'd struggle to adjust to life without them. That is a sort of need in a way.

I do actually think I would be totally crap in my own, DH helps me with so many things I struggle with, it does put me in a vulnerable position so it's a good thing I like him :o

Financially I don't need him but on my wage alone life wouldn't be great. I would lose anything if he wasn't here because everything technically belongs to me and we are not married.
I don't need him for anything around the house because I do it all myself anyway 😂. He works a lot and plays football a pot so it wouldn't really make much difference if he wasn't living here!
I love him though so would rather he was here but I don't need him.

*I wouldn't lose anything

I don't need my dh, I'm perfectly capable and I have a great support network too. If I ever lost him though, it would leave a permanent hole in my life. I could cope without him, but I would have to choose to do that and by god it would be tough. I choose to have him in my life because he brings me immense joy, and love, and reassurance and support, and because he is a wonderful kind loving husband and father. I would survive without him, I'm sure, but it would be the hardest thing I've ever done.

I could cope without him, as he could without me. My life doesn't depend on him .... and I think it's unhealthy to be so dependent on another human being unless you're a child.

I see some women being messed around and they tolerate it in the name of love or fear of being alone ...where I'd be done in a heartbeat. I've not got the patience or inclination for it and my self pride is a factor.

I have a very close family... in terms of siblings and parents, so that could have a lot to do with it. If I didn't have him...I have them.

Some people are reliant on their OH because they aren't close to their FOO (family of origin). I know I can depend on them no matter what.

I don't need my husband. I can cope perfectly well when he's not here but I want him around. He's the first person I want to tell about things and I like to involve him in all aspects of my life. I would be devastated if he wasn't around. We are a team basically.

I've always held that little part of me back that means that I choose to have a man in my life rather than need one.

Must add that DH is financially sound and pays the mortgage, all utility bills, insurance, C tax and broadband.

So financially coping would be an issue...but I'd be better off financially if divorced with the division of marital assets.

I could live without him - the cycle of life will happen and one day one of us won't be here. But I don't want to because he is the sunshine in my life.

Practically, day to day, very little.
Financially. Couldn't do without him.
Emotionally. He's my best friend and sounding board. I won't say I couldn't live without him, because it's not true. I'd find a way to live without him for the kids. But I can't imagine being truly contented and happy again without him at this point in time.

When stuff breaks... he's invaluable half of the time and a bloody health hazard the other half. If he could win the lottery so I can pay for repairs that'd be great?

I don't think I need him at all. Is that bad? But I want to be with him and enjoy being with him.

I love my fiancé unconditionally and he makes my life substantially better.

However, I’m fully able to function alone. I suppose for me it would depend the reason I lost him.

If he left me I’d be fine as I would know that what I thought we shared was probably never real. If he unexpectedly passed away though I’d be totally devestated as I believe he’s my soul mate and would probably never recover.

We could cope without each other, but neither of us would want to. Together 10 years and have always had a very close relationship - would rather spend time together than apart. We do rely on each other practically as well, eg working part time and fitting our days round each other so paid work and childcare at home are evenly split (love this as our son will grow up seeing it’s normal for both parents go out to work, and normal for both parents to want to spend time looking after babies and the house). Currently we earn around the same and contribute around the same financially, but have had times where one of us earned more so supported the other financially (again, both ways round).

I do see us as a team, and wouldn’t want to try and navigate life without him in my corner. I think he’d say the same. I love our marriage, and I do think if you find the right person, complete mutual openness and vulnerability and trust comes with huge rewards.

There's that old Beach Boys song
"If you should ever leave me
Life would still go on believe me
But what good is living to me..." I don't know all the words but that song sums up my relationship. Yes I'd be fine in all the practical ways but sharing my days with my oh makes my world go round.

I don’t need my OH at all. Not one bit. If he wasn’t around then I could and can do everything on my own!

Why would anyone want to feel like they NEED someone in there life?

Want, yes.
Need, no.

I don't need dp, but he comes in handy for doing things I don't want to (he refuses to evict spiders on my behalf though ).

When H1 left I knew I didn't need him. I was concerned about the first, about how it manage certain things, about single parenting.
I wanted him, but I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want me back.

When DH2 was diagnosed with cancer I again worried about all those things, although I knew I could cope I didn't want to have to, life is easier with someone you love by your side to share it with.
But again, I wanted him not needed him.

I'm tentatively in a new relationship atm, I've done a lot of grieving on my own and have worked through some bits with my new bloke, bits that would probably only be worked through when someone new was on the scene, I went through a similar process after H1 left.
Again, I don't need my new bloke, but I'm enjoying the mutual wanting.

I think the people saying about being a team have it spot on, in a very practical sense my dh and I are a team, and if you lose a member of your team you're going to suffer for it, but a good team will be prepared for that, as much as you can be, and try not to be in a position where losing a team member is a total disaster.

Emotionally that's a different story!