He has just left me

[user6666]

My OH if two years has just walked out.
I'm broken, distraught, a mess, can barely type.

Don't know what I'm doing on here, don't know anything. Numb

He's gone. I feel sick. Don't know what to say

Just typing shit

Things have been difficult since his dad died in June, I thought we could work through it

We had been together three years, he said he loved me as he walked out. Said he had let me down.

Sorry two years not three.

I want to call someone but have no one. Everyone says they are there for me but I feel a burden

Why.

40 years old, no kids, never married. Just suddenly really alone

I've got two kids at home one at uni three kittens and mine has up and dumped me the day after I covered his loan payment I'm really not sure how I feel about it all to be honest i mean he was a bit of a twat but he was my twat I really need to raise my standard

Evening.

First of all, sorry to hear this has happened this evening

Secondly, take time to process what has just happened. Did you have much conversation and has he given you an explanation as to why it is over?

Given this has only just happened, I can understand you being all over the place.

If you'd like to just talk with no judgement, feel free to ramble as much as you like sometimes just letting it all out helps.

I can imagine things must have been difficult after his dad passing.

Don't have much good advice but just to say you are not alone on here, I've just been through a silmilar experience recently and a many others users on here.

I started to feel like a burden calling family, they expect you to be over it just like that. It's hard to understand if you haven't been through it.

He's done you a favour .After his fathers death probably reevaluated his life and decided he has one life and needs to find "his true love".Better to find this out now and move on .He has given you your freedom -take full advantage

What started all this then OP?
He says he loves you but has let you down. What's going on?

So sorry for what you are going through- you must be in shock.Plenty of support here . A few years ago I took months getting over an unexpected break up ,it felt like a bereavement.

How’s his mental health? You mentioned things have been bad since his dad died... not trying to make excuses but it seems quite an impulsive thing to just up and leave. Is there more of a back story here? Sending big hugs...

Lock the doors. Cup of tea. Go to bed. Don’t message him...

I had the same scenario 5 years ago with my husband. We'd been together since we were 14, we got married at 21, had two children. 16 years later with no warning he told me really calmly, not during an argument, just out of the blue, one night that he didn't love me anymore. It was the biggest shock of my life, he was all I'd known and for 22 years he'd been my first love, best friend, my everything. The shock nearly killed me at the time.

His dad had passed away very suddenly just over a year before aged only 56 and everyone believed that was the reason. It does make sense, and 5 years on I can tell you, as much as you won't want to hear it right now, that it gets better, truly it does. Concentrate only on the next hour for now, be kind to yourself, I remember being pleased with myself for going 2 hours without crying one day, it was such an achievment! I took so many toilet breaks at work at first to have a cry but gradually you get through it. Talk on here as much as you want to as sadly so many of us have been through this. It's a process you have to live through to come out the other side, but you will come out of it fine. So sorry, its horrible x

Morning, sorry I didn't reply yesterday. My neighbour took over the 'pulling me together'

I'm just going to work, I will be back later with an explanation of how it got to this. Lots of issues I.e family death, mental health, infidelity (on his part).

Thank you for the replies

An hour at a time 6666. Hope you get through the day ok

Thats really really shit op. I was in a really abusive relationship for nearly 11 years and was treat appallingly. I've had many friends who have been treat similarly by partners and I genuinely believe we learn from each one and eventually get to a point in life when we will only accept someone perfect for us. I was lucky I met my perfect dp at 30 however I know a good few women who have met the love of their lives in their 50's! Take time to heal and remember you deserve to be happy and one day you will be xxx

I know how you feel. I’ve been with my partner for three years, lived together for 2. We made plans for the future, spoke of marriage, lost pregnancies together, but he was very reassuring id always have him. Friday I got a call from him saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he wants to be alone, I’ve been at my mums but have to go colllect my things at some point. All the emotions you’re feeling now, I’ve felt it, I’m feeling it. I’m off work due to anxiety from last mc, I feel hurt I feel alone and I keep running my brain though everything, what I could’ve done wrong, what went wrong? But he refuses to give any answers other than he’s not happy, it’s heart breaking but from what I hear everyone’s telling me it does get easier. Direct message me if you want to talk

Ok, sorry about the delay. I’m now at my laptop and can type properly.

Without being too outing this is where we are:-

His dad died 4 months ago, they were very close. Our relationship I think naturally has taken a bit of a back seat due to him grieving. Before this everything was great

He has become quite cold and unattentive. I understand that.

However recently things took a bit of a turn, he has been messaging other women alluding to sex, spending nights away, then I find out he isn't where he says he was. Just general twatishness that I have put down to grieving, it’s his way of coping maybe.

It came to a head last night, when I confronted him about more lies I’ve uncovered and other women he has been involving himself with, rather than discuss and tell me the truth, he just upped and left. Saying we aren’t close anymore, he isn't happy with me etc

I tried explaining that I could kind of understand why but at the same time the behaviour is unacceptable and there are other ways to deal with this.

He didn't agree, just turned everything back on me. Saying I’ve pushed him to this because I haven't given him the attention and support he needs. I have honestly tried but it’s difficult because he hasn't been around, staying away god knows where.

I don't know if he is coming back, if he does I don't know whether to give him a chance hoping it’s a phase. But will the behaviour continue. He is someone that craves attention from social media and loves how women gush over him.

Or he has left to be with another woman with father’s death and the grieving being a convenient 'get out'.....I just don’t know!

Sounds like he was cheating, his done you a favour, you just can’t see it yet because your still upset. Don’t go back, your future self will regret it.

He lives in my home, i have said i will start getting his stuff together. His response was 'now i feel like your rushing me out'!

He left me, he expects me to just stare at his stuff and allow him time to come and get it. He wants to be able to swan in and out, clearing stuff in his own good time.

Had the circumstances been different i.e he needed time alone to process everything i get that. Its the lies, deceit, shiftyness, meeting and messaging other women....that i cant cope with

I'm sorry to sound callous, but you are well rid of that one.

Everyone says they are there for me but I feel a burden
Please don't feel like this.
Family and friends are what get you through shit times like this.
They want to help so please let them.

As for him.... Well, sorry but he sounds like a total knob and a lying, cheating scumbag.
You will realise this soon but you are well rid of that one.

Pack up all his shit and leave it outside.
He will back-pedal when he realises the grass is not greener and he had a good deal with you. But don't let him worm his way back in.

He's a dickhead.
That's all you need to know for now.

I just feel so guilty because he lost his dad. I'm feeling like I should at least give him a roof over his head while he gets his own head in order.

On the other hand I think why should I, I'm not the one that has been going out meeting up with other women

Sorry rambling again.

My home doesnt feel like my happy place anymore. It's was my home with just me and the cats for 12 years, he came into it and now it feels tainted

Does that make sense??

Don’t allow him to stay under your roof another day.

You have tried to accommodate, to support, be patient explain, etc but what has he given you back?
You deserve more, and please believe me and others that tell you you will be happy again one day. You are not a burden to people that really love you. Yes people that really love you might sometimes take things out no your with the death of a loved one but they don’t have affairs and use you until or consider sex and message other women. That’s scummy behaviour: don’t make excuses for it or allow him to.

If I were you I would say he told you everything you needed to know when he flounced off the other night, I would say take what you can today and please leave. You can collect the rest at my convenience.

Believe in yourself and don’t waste your life trying to fix someone else that isn’t worth it. Once you’ve made peace with this you will set yourself free.

I'm sorry but it does sound like he has been cheating and his dad's death has been the catalyst for him to embrace his selfish side. I would get his stuff in a bag and leave them in the hall for him so you don't have to deal with him. Take some time to yourself and block his number.
My ex of 4 years had been having an affair for almost the last year of it. I was heartbroken but I packed his stuff threw him out and ignored his numerous phone call, turning up at my work etc. It was like grieving his death tbh but after a couple months I embraced my friends, volunteering and began a degree in my own time. It was the best thing that happened to me. I met the love of my life a year later and he is everything my ex wasn't x

Sorry you're going through this but it screams OW.

Don't let him guilt you into giving him a roof over his head, he chose to leave, no one forced him out.

As for his stuff, yep pack it up and get it out asap as he clearly has somewhere to go to. Reclaim your space and home.