Had enough. Tearful and anxious

[hauntedbyex]

NC but have posted before.

I've been going through lots of paperwork today to have a sort out.

I've filled 2 box files with paperwork from solicitors, court, CAFCASS, social services and my ex. And that's just the stuff that's been printed.

For the past 6 years since he left my ex has made my life hell with lie after lie, court application after court application, and abuse after abuse. That's over half the life of my eldest that has been spent battling this bastard through court.

I feel like their childhood has been stolen from me. I've not been able to enjoy it because everything has been tainted by the court process. 16 trips to court in 4 years. Every application is full of fabrications and delusions.

I have to go to court again soon and it won't be the last time even though the judge told him no more applications. He's always told he's wasting court time by still they let him apply time and time again then the cheeky bastard tells them he wants costs awarded!

I can't take much more. I just want to sit and cry that the past few years have been full of anxiety and court appearances. I'm irritable and distracted because my mind is constantly on this.

The latest court case means I've had to cancel a family holiday as I won't be able to afford it. The children are gutted.

I am so fucking angry that he's being allowed to do this. Every time I think it will be the last time because he gets told off by the judge but they still let him apply time and time again.

This time is because he thinks he should have seen the children when no contact was even arranged and I can prove that. He says there was. He's also saying I'm breaching the order because I won't give him a full year of dates but the order doesn't say I have to. He says I won't give him dates but when he's invited to suggest dates himself he just ignores my solicitor.

I can't take much more of this. He wants to destroy my life and the courts are letting him.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just at my wits end now.

I feel better now for my rant into the ether even if there were no replies 😂

You poor, poor thing. This sounds utterly exhausting and soul destroying. I'm so sorry. I have no experience of your situation but didn't want you to go without replies - and I'm sure someone with more knowledge than me will be among soon xx

Or even "along" 😄

Oh OP

What a living nightmare for you. No advice either I’m afraid but a hug and some strength for what you’re going through and have ahead of you.

It's awful that this is allowed! How dare he keep terrorising you all like this. Shocking. I'd be looking at making a complaint to the courts.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Could you contact your MP for help?

Just a hello and a from the ether.

Sorry I can't give advice but I do know someone who was in a similar situation with an ex and suddenly they just stopped being spiteful and litigious after years of it. I hope the same will be true for you too x

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Contact your MP. 

Oh god. You poor thing. I feel anxious just reading this. I can't imagine how stressful things have been.

Could Citizens advice help?

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds awful. I don’t have any experience of this but just wanted to say keep strong and hopefully you will come through this.

Thank you. I do feel better today as didn't have any nightmares about him last night. I keep dreaming he's coming after me. The police have arranged for someone to come and assess my house security and add things if necessary.
There's potentially another 9 years of this until our youngest turns 18.

No advice but sending these
What an A grade arse he is

Sounds truly awful. He is harassing you. Is there no way you can get some sort of injunction to stop the vexatious court action? Or complain to the court? Police?

I had an injunction against him but that only kept him at bay for a year and I was always mindful he could still take me to court even though he had to stay away from me.
He's recognised as vexatious but the courts are still allowing him to keep applying.
What could my MP do?

Could a civil restraint order be pursued? Might be worthwhile if he's recognised as a vexatious litigant?

MO could ask the court why they are allowing a clearly vexatious man to harass you and your children.

Do you have to pay legal fees each time or does he pay yours too?

Ask the court to make a section 91.14 order for 3 years. This means if he tried to make an application it goes before a judge before it's even issued and usually would just be thrown out.

There is a section within the order that states neither of us are allowed to make further applications without leave of the court for two years. Yet they've let him make an application again within that time frame.

It's not listed as a 91(14) though, just listed under The Court Orders:

Than I would write to the court and ask them why he has made an application - ask for it to be referred to a district judge for urgent consideration.

He apparently emailed the judge and the judge said he would t make any directions and he'd need to make an application. The applications go through the courts at the city nearest to us and then get allocated to the local court so not sure who made the decision, the city who don't know us, or the local court who do.

Well, we were in court last week and the application was not for residency, not to vary, but for enforcement. The judge dismissed it. But the whole rigmarole of being dragged through the courts again, the anxiety, the nightmares, the upset, battling for legal aid and worrying about how I can afford representation if no legal aid, the childcare needed to spend a whole day at court because the judge insisted on 2 years of contact being specified and it took hours, is what my ex gets off on.
Cafcass and the court were told of many concerns about the children whilst in ex's care and they said they weren't relevant. I'm fuming. And ex had claimed I had mental health issues and was why I was making false allegations about him 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What a sad, empty little obsessive he must be. Why do the courts allow him to breach rules they’ve put in place?

Is he being funded for Legal Aid. If he is complain to the Lord Chancellor’s office and ask them to look into this misuse of funds

If you can prove abuse, then you are entitled to Legal Aid via the Abuse Gateway?

Call NCDV and they will advise. Even if there hasn't been any violence and you're not together, they can still help

He did get made to look ridiculous and was given short shrift by the judge and that was satisfying but he is still able to keep doing this to me.
The mental health accusations really stung as his concept of reality is quite different from mine and the court's. He will lie then contradict himself in written documents yet swears he's telling the truth.
He's gaslighted me so much over the years that at times I've doubted my own sanity but I'm not sure I'd be looking after 3 children single handedly along with an elderly relative on a daily basis including running two household ms if I was mentally ill to the point of being psychotic like he claims. Why am I even trying to justify myself??