Had enough. Tearful and anxious

[hauntedbyex]

NC but have posted before.

I've been going through lots of paperwork today to have a sort out.

I've filled 2 box files with paperwork from solicitors, court, CAFCASS, social services and my ex. And that's just the stuff that's been printed.

For the past 6 years since he left my ex has made my life hell with lie after lie, court application after court application, and abuse after abuse. That's over half the life of my eldest that has been spent battling this bastard through court.

I feel like their childhood has been stolen from me. I've not been able to enjoy it because everything has been tainted by the court process. 16 trips to court in 4 years. Every application is full of fabrications and delusions.

I have to go to court again soon and it won't be the last time even though the judge told him no more applications. He's always told he's wasting court time by still they let him apply time and time again then the cheeky bastard tells them he wants costs awarded!

I can't take much more. I just want to sit and cry that the past few years have been full of anxiety and court appearances. I'm irritable and distracted because my mind is constantly on this.

The latest court case means I've had to cancel a family holiday as I won't be able to afford it. The children are gutted.

I am so fucking angry that he's being allowed to do this. Every time I think it will be the last time because he gets told off by the judge but they still let him apply time and time again.

This time is because he thinks he should have seen the children when no contact was even arranged and I can prove that. He says there was. He's also saying I'm breaching the order because I won't give him a full year of dates but the order doesn't say I have to. He says I won't give him dates but when he's invited to suggest dates himself he just ignores my solicitor.

I can't take much more of this. He wants to destroy my life and the courts are letting him.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just at my wits end now.

Sorry cross posts.
He doesn't have legal aid, he represents himself. Thankfully I do have legal aid due to DV. He's accused me of making up the DV to obtain legal aid. DV currently being investigated by the police.

If he receives Legal Aid - Which is impossible unless he has PROOF via Police Reports of Abuse from you - He still would not be able to initiate court proceedings. Legal Aid only works on a defence basis.

Haunted If you get Legal Aid, why have you had to cancel the holiday? Are you having to pay a top up? You could query that.

Also, write to the Court as suggested by PP and query the latest application being made within the 2 year period set out by the Judge.

Wow, I thought my ex was bad. He sounds seriously unstable. It beggars belief that the courts are enabling this idiot.
I don't know how you do it so you must be an amazingly strong woman. Sadly your kids will see their Dad for what he is and will resent him when they are older. They won't forget all of this.

@Powerless I had to cancel the holiday because I didn't know until the day before court that I had legal aid so couldn't risk spending money that I'd possibly need to pay the solicitor. It was only a few days away in this country but that's not the point.
He got the application in as the ban was for applications to vary only so basically he can make other applications for enforcement or residency if he wants.

@hauntedbyex Oh I see. Christ. That's awful :(

I would still write to the Court/Judge though, explaining the situation once again and plead for the Application being thrown out. It is possible to have a blanket ban put on him for ANY Applications for court being made by them

The judge did throw it out but of course he's free to apply for something else at a later date to further control me 

What a complete and utter arsehole. I have first hand experience of this. Drives you completely mad. I also found the court system very patriarchal, giving air to all the male bullshit and being dismissive of anything I said. I was dealing with a narcissist and they were blind to it.

On the upside - it doesn't go on for ever. It just feels like it. The years of aggro do eventually pass. Sending you a MASSIVE hug and wish I could bake you a cake. Your best revenge is to be happy, live your life, and don't let the bastard grind you down.

Thank you. What gets me most is that his girlfriend of 6 years is supporting him in his abuse of me and seems to encourage it

I'm not sure but I think you might be able to make an application for him to be made a vexatious litigant. Which would make him have to pay for each application he issues, and applications will have to be considered on paper by a Judge to see if they are "worthwhile" before anyone is ever asked to attend Court.
I think you have to make such an application on two occasions when he has had a failed application.
You might already have this in place? if not worth considering?

It's already been suggested that I apply for a section 92(14) or whatever it's called.
He pays for every application anyway: £200 a time. He's had at least 3 enforcement applications dismissed by the court. But still he persists.

Well I think you should make a Cvil Restraint Order against him if possible, have a word with your solicitor,

What's one of those?

What a vile man I hope there is a way you can stop the applications - ask on legal board?

When I say dismissed I mean we get to the court hearing and after the judge has said his bit and gone through everything (and makes ex look an idiot) he says he's dismissing the application. That's happened 3 times. He often uses an enforcement order application to get changes to contact but he was told last time that he wasn't going to be allowed to get a variance by a back door application.

Give these a ring OP, it's free legal advice for women - they might be able to help:
rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

I've tried them a few times and had no luck at getting through but will try again now.

This sucks and your ex sounds like a douche - but whenever I read stories like this I think about a couple I know.

Together since school we all grew up together, by the time their daughter was 4 they split up.
TM now doesn’t speak to me as tbf she’s an awful mother and I called her out on a choice she made which put her DD in serious danger (Stupid, selfish, immature choice on TM’s part and she’s behaved deplorably infront of me and other friends since)

TF is still a great friend of mine and is battling his way through mitigation, trying to get SS more involved, reporting to school...etc (DD was actually hospitalised for concussion after being left to play alone in a park next to a main road by mother at 4 years old!) but throughout this TM has weaped and wailed and said terrible things about TF to anyone who would listen. She’s played the victim so much that TF can’t pick up DD from school without a note and being made to feel like a murderer by all the other mums who just accept TM’s stories as fact.

OP this is not your situation (your ex sounds like a douche) but when you question ‘why do they let him continue to make applications?’ try to remember that as mothers the legal system is stacked in our favour and there are quite a few fathers out there desperately trying to do right by their children and help them despite being knocked back time after time for not having ‘quite enough’ evidence to prove the mother unfit xxx

Did the Judge actually say"Back door application"?
If so see if your solicitor as it sounds like the "courts"'are probably a bit sick of him.
Believe me his behaviour will not have gone unnoticed, especially if his applications are usually unsucessful.
I have no knowledge of the family courts but Civil restraint Orders are getting increasinglymore common in other parts of the Civil Courts.
Where is your nearest city that has a division of the High Court. They often have a branch of the CAB that is staffed by people with legal knowledge of civil court proceedures.

@HazelBite yes he did say that! Or "application by the back door" one or the other. Cafcass had said the same to me on the phone. He's been told before that he's wasting the court's time and was told again this time that the court's time is valuable and he shouldn't be using it up on applications for breaches that are questionable at best. Eg children ill and don't go one day but go a couple of days later to make up for the missed day=application for enforcement. The judges are well and truly sick of him. Cafcass are well aware of what he is up to too.

I finally got through to Rights for Women and will see about a section 91(14) barring order and also possibly a non-molestation order again to keep him away from me. He's already blocked on all my emails and numbers and I have extra security on my house should he come here.