Need some urgent opinion on who is right.

[Otuwa]

Hi me and my girlfriend have two different opinions and i want to find out who is right.

We were having an argument and my girlfriend wanted to get out of the house. The time was around 7 pm and it was dark. Her mother had specifically asked me to not let her out of the house when she is anrgy for her own safety. Therefore, i refused to let out of the house. She smiled at me, went into kitchen and picked up a knife and turn towards me. She was not pointing the knife at me but she was holding it.

My point is : its wrong to pick up a knife in the middle of an argument and thats threatening behaviour.

My girlfriend thinks it was ok to pick up a knife because was not going to do anything and wanted to hold it to give a show to me and my parents who was witnessing all this drama through viber.

Whats your opinion? I want to rest this matter once and for all. Thanks.

Just because you are still together 2 years on, doesn't mean your relationship is healthy. Many relationships limp on regardless of one or the other people being abusive.

Why ask now if it happened 2 years ago?

Also, just cause you've lasted 2 years since then means nothing. People have stayed in dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships for decades.

She’s probably terrified to leave you.

If she has)had 'anger' issues of self harmed she needs counselling and to learn healthy eats of dealing with them, not being essentially imprisoned by her bf/mother - if you stopped her from leaving esp during an argument,bags must've felt very angry, trapped, powerless and coerced; no wonder she got extreme and violent.

Is this ones of those threads that's based on a tv show I have seen or something? I'm not sure why else you need urgent opinions on something that you seem to have resolved 2 years ago?

(healthy ways)

The most pointless thread I have read in a long time.

You are both entirely incompatible and not good for each other.

Parents involved too..? You sound as oppressive as they do

Whatever your girlfriend's issues may be she'd be best off getting help away from the lot of you

I have a feeling that your GF might have recently found her lady-balls and has been telling you that the way you control her is abusive so you've brought up this exact situation from 2 years ago with her to show her that because of this 1 incident she must have you monitoring her every move and stopping her from leaving because her response in grabbing the knife proves she is irrational. She's defended her reaction in that instance and in response to that, you've come onto MN and told us about said incident where her reaction could be viewed as threatening or "crazy" based on the little bit of information you've provided. You've tried to couch your role in the situation as the caring partner who was only doing what was best for her, hell even her mother feels she's unsafe on her own so there's justification for what you did (note the dripping sarcasm). People will then respond that her behaviour was extreme/crazy/wrong etc. and you can show her that to drive home the gaslighting that you are right and she is wrong.

OP I could be wrong, but I can't think of any other reason you would need an urgent opinion on who was right.

OK - so you’ve lasted two years but I’m what condition? Have any knives been pulled? Is your partner allowed out alone in the evenings?

Why are you posting this? If it is to prove a point to your partner it seems a very aggressive, controlling and manipulative way of doing so?
What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

You kept her against her will, so kidnapping and she was brandishing a knife.

Yeah great example. I doubt your relationship is healthy, but even if it is, you do realise that more often than not these sorts of relationships go tits up and someone ends up hurt or dead.....Don't you?

Both. You are not allowed to stop an adult from leaving the house and she is ridiculous for grabbing a knife.

This sounds toxic and abusive both ways.

Thanks all for the replys. Most the advice said just to split up but the fact that we continued for 2 years and keeps going tells me that people and way to quick to split a couple rather than suggesting getting help for a problem.

I'm guessing there was very good reason why most of the advice was for you to split up, and I'd hazard a guess it was given to her in the form of LTB.

This whole thread just shows that you are a devious manipulator. Despite what you may think, you haven't proven your point at all.

Actually talking to my girlfriend now, she is glad i stopped her from leaving the house while she was angry. When people make decisions based on emotions such as anger, nothing good comes out of it.

Of course people can have their opinion on this. Quick to say its abusive and manipulative. Surely thats being very judgmental.

If she is scared of you she is highly likely to say otherwise.

You are not answering why you are asking this question.

To your partner (if she is reading this): the relationships section of Mumsnet is an excellent source of help for relationship issues.

OP you asked for urgent opinions, you asked people to say what they think.
They’ve generally said that holding an adult against their will is abusive.
You are now decrying the opinion of those you sought.

Why don't you give us a link to the original thread so we have the full picture.

Sorry, we misunderstood. When you asked for these "urgent" opinions, you should have clarified that we were only allowed to judge your girlfriend.

Do both of youselves a favour and split up now. Those 2 years are gone now but clearly you are (still?) toxic around each other.

I bet your parents were thinking "oh my god this awful teenage drama again - why can't they just grow up"

Just because you’ve managed to drag this train wreck of a relationship for two years does not mean it is healthy or functional relationship. You sound like a controlling twat and she sounds like someone with poor mental health and issues with her parents. You should not be together. As a pp said, given that it apparently happened two years ago, sounds like she has just found the courage to tell you that you “refusing to let her leave” (which I think legally comes under the title of false imprisonment, you tool) was not ok and that’s why you’re dragging it up. You shouldn’t gave imprisoned her, she shouldn’t have picked up the knife. Thank Christ there aren’t children involved because the two of you together are toxic. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

You want help for a problem?

You can't prevent a grown woman from leaving the house. That's imprisonment.

She shouldn't pick up knives if it was done in a menacing way.

If this is still a hot topic for you 2 years later then the advice to break up is spot on

To be honest it doesn't matter if she is grateful. It was still objectively wrong. Stopping an angry person from leaving seems like a brilliant way to make them more angry! Leaving a situation is a good coping mechanism for stopping out of control anger. What sort of mother stops her adult daughter leaving the house at 7pm?
People who work with people with disabilities or learning difficulties, who are vulnerable, would be pulled up for deprivation of liberty for shutting people inside a house ffs

I would kick the fuck off if my DP stopped me leaving the house because it was dark. And I'm not a volatile person.

Perhaps bundle her off to an asylum like men used to do with troublesome women in the old days. Who the hell do you think you are preventing a grown woman from leaving? You are not her keeper!

If this happened 2 years ago why do you need our "urgent" opinion? You also think you are right despite what anyone has said, so why are you seeking opinions?

So people are ‘judgmental’ when you don’t agree with their assessment of a situation you offered up for unbiased judgement?