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Original poster

Need some urgent opinion on who is right.

82 replies

Otuwa · 15/10/2018 14:29

Hi me and my girlfriend have two different opinions and i want to find out who is right.

We were having an argument and my girlfriend wanted to get out of the house. The time was around 7 pm and it was dark. Her mother had specifically asked me to not let her out of the house when she is anrgy for her own safety. Therefore, i refused to let out of the house. She smiled at me, went into kitchen and picked up a knife and turn towards me. She was not pointing the knife at me but she was holding it.

My point is : its wrong to pick up a knife in the middle of an argument and thats threatening behaviour.

My girlfriend thinks it was ok to pick up a knife because was not going to do anything and wanted to hold it to give a show to me and my parents who was witnessing all this drama through viber.

Whats your opinion? I want to rest this matter once and for all. Thanks.

OP posts:
BrazzleDazzleDay · 15/10/2018 14:38

Neither of you are right. You both need to grow the fuck up

RivanQueen · 15/10/2018 14:38

WOW! Shock You're both wrong in this. You should not have stopped her from leaving the house, she's an adult. How would you feel if someone stopped you leaving because their mother told them that you can't be outside when you're angry? Confused Bet you'd be well pissed both at the person who stopped you leaving and your mother. Your GF is in the wrong for grabbing the knife. Of course it was threatening to do that, there was no other reason for her to be holding it other than to threaten you, her excuse it utter bullshit. Based on this situation alone I reckon you need to get out of this relationship. It sounds toxic.

merville · 15/10/2018 14:39

What exactly has she done to date while angry and outside on her own?

It doesn't seem right that her mother or yourself should be essentially holding her captive inside a house/place when she wants to leave. It's up to her if she wants to leave.

How old is she?

TheStoic · 15/10/2018 14:39

We are both in late 20 and have no kids. She is of course free to leave the house whenever she wants to.

But she wasn’t, was she. How did you prevent her from leaving?

PerverseConverse · 15/10/2018 14:39

Oh ok, late 20s not late teens.
Split up. It's dysfunctional on many levels.

youbrokemytwatometer · 15/10/2018 14:39

She's not free to leave when she wants though, is she?

She needs to get away from you and her mum.

Fromage · 15/10/2018 14:40

I'd have "anger issues" if my partner stopped me leaving the house because my mum said so Hmm

TooTrueToBeGood · 15/10/2018 14:41

You're only giving us a fraction of the information any reasonable person would need to draw any firm conclusion. I can read your post either as a being from a concerned person struggling to support a vulnerable partnerwith MH issue or a controlling abuser looking for validation to use against his victim.

If she genuinely needs to be restrained in the house for her own or others safety then she needs professional supervision.

merville · 15/10/2018 14:42

Late 20s, I thought you were going to say teens.

It's not up to you or her mother to stop her from leaving anywhere at any time.

subspace · 15/10/2018 14:43

You don't get to stop another adult from leaving the house.

She doesn't get to threaten anybody with a knife

Her mother doesn't get to dictate to her daughter's boyfriend that he should be keeping her prisoner.

HTH.

fml

Ohyesiam · 15/10/2018 14:45

If you want to “ protect” her, get her to work On her anger.
You can’t be her keeper, she’s an adult.
But obvs she Gould not be pulling knives.

Armchairanarchist · 15/10/2018 14:48

Her mum has no more right than you to stop her leaving. This is so wrong.

Original poster
Otuwa · 15/10/2018 14:49

Right this happened two years ago and it was a one of incident. We are in a happy relationship and all is good.

She has self harmed before out of anger. So as a mum her mother worries about her whenever she is angry.

OP posts:
MyCatIsBonkers · 15/10/2018 14:55

If it was 2 years ago why do you need 'urgent opinion' on it now? Are you planning on imprisoning her again?

onlyk · 15/10/2018 14:55

She shouldn’t have picked up a knife.
You shouldn’t have stopped her leaving the house.

As with most things two wrongs do not make anything right you’re both in the wrong. However your managing to video call during an argument while preventing her leaving does make me wonder if you have a habit of winding her up then self justification?

Your girlfriend may have realised that the situation/disagreement was not going to improve so wanted to remove herself from it probably to give herself and you time to cool off. Actually quite more grown up than what you choose to do.

Also why should her mothers input based on what her dad did (so two completely separate people) justify you stopping her an adult leaving?

LASH38 · 15/10/2018 14:55

If it happened two years ago, what has bought it up again?

Yes it is wrong to effectively keep a grown adult captive.

Why does her mum have such a huge influence on you both? Did you feel your partner needed to be kept in?

subspace · 15/10/2018 14:56

If it happened two years ago why on earth are you posting on mumset about it today?

Any other plot twists?

Original poster
Otuwa · 15/10/2018 15:05

Thanks all for the replys. Most the advice said just to split up but the fact that we continued for 2 years and keeps going tells me that people and way to quick to split a couple rather than suggesting getting help for a problem.

But thank you anyway.

OP posts:
youbrokemytwatometer · 15/10/2018 15:07

Well if you think you've managed fine for the last two years without our input. why bother asking now?! Confused

eelbecomingforyou · 15/10/2018 15:07

What's the point of the post, if this happened two years ago and you're going to ignore advice given anyway?

TwistedStitch · 15/10/2018 15:08

Can you answer how you stopped her leaving the house please? Surely whether grabbing a knife was reasonable depends on what your actions were.

LIZS · 15/10/2018 15:10

If this happened 2 years ago what has happened since? Is she free to come and go, have you hidden the knives, have you argued since?

LadyBaneGrey · 15/10/2018 15:11

You need an urgent opinion about a two year old incident? Hmm

C0untDucku1a · 15/10/2018 15:12

Hmm now im wondering if your girlfriend has recently posted about you, and been advised to run for the hills, and this is your way of showing that her mumsnet will always suggest people should leave
Dysfunctional relations?

Mumsnet will indeed always tell people when their relationship is toxic. And they will rarely suggest they stay in it. Because it is toxic.

PerverseConverse · 15/10/2018 15:13

Oh ffs