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Relationships

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Original poster

He brought me his laundry!!!!!

34 replies

Cath2907 · 15/10/2018 09:16

I asked my husband to leave last weekend after a very rocky few years. He wasnt surprised and has moved temporarily into our caravan on a caravan site whilst we work out what to do next. He doesn't work (because he is a lazy git) but has been dropping and collecting our daughter to and from school all last week as normal. He turned up this morning to take her to school with his bag of laundry - he put one load on whilst I was out with the dog and has buggered off leaving his pants revolving in my machine, and a pile of wet towels in the laundry basket. I assume he is now coming back to finish his washing (or maybe he is expecting me to do it as per usual!?) I am trying not to get annoyed as he is looking after DD next week whilst I am away on business and it would be inconvenient if he refused (and she had to go to my mums' instead).

I want to take a fire axe to his head! I need to discuss boundaries with him, get my house keys back and generally re-explain that we are getting divorced so he doesn't have a claim on me or my washing machine anymore but I'd better wait until I get back from my week away. The man obviously cannot take a hint!

OP posts:

Bluebell9 · 15/10/2018 09:22

Is the house half his?

TwistedStitch · 15/10/2018 09:23

Surely if you are married it's the family home?

HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2018 09:25

To be fair, it’s probably difficult to do his laundry at the caravan site. Can you not put up with this until he has some better living arrangements? What’s the long term plan?

TwistedStitch · 15/10/2018 09:26

I also think if he has agreed to move into a caravan despite it sounding like he may have a claim to be main carer, then using the washing machine to do his laundry isn't too much to ask. He hasn't asked you to do it for him.

Thebluedog · 15/10/2018 09:28

I’d be tempted to keep the peace until your work trip is done and then talk to him. But by keeping the peace I don’t mean do his laundry, leave it where it is, if you need the washer, empty it (do not dry it) and do yours. Then put his wet stuff back in.

I know it’s kbe difficult to do it in a camp site, but if he’s not working then he has plenty of time to take it to a laundrette

YouAreMyRain · 15/10/2018 09:30

I don't think you can legally get the keys back until after the divorce has been completed, assets have been split and the house is in your name only.

It sounds like he's being very reasonable (I've been through divorce too)

Racecardriver · 15/10/2018 09:34

I think you are being unreadable here. As the main carer to your children he could fleece you. Bare that in mind before pissing him off.

Urbanbeetler · 15/10/2018 09:37

If he is the main carer, why has he left the home and not you? Assuming it is jointly owned of course.

PolkaDoting · 15/10/2018 09:56

School drop offs don't necessarily = main carer.

KittensAndCake · 15/10/2018 10:07

He didn't really 'bring you his laundry' did he? He's doing his washing in your shared(?)house until presumably things have been sorted.

idontknowwhattoput1 · 15/10/2018 10:10

gamerchick · 15/10/2018 10:11

Has he been doing the vast majority of caring OP? You say he doesn't work. Maybe you should get some legal advice.

lifebegins50 · 15/10/2018 10:16

I think you are being unfair, he is entitled to use his washing m/c especially since its only been a week.

If he does school runs and I guess school holiday care then he is the default carer.

Pick your battles, this won't be worth fighting over.

Original poster

Cath2907 · 15/10/2018 10:22

He isn't main carer - I work from home full time. DD is at school all day and when she gets home she either sits upstairs on her computer or I stop work and do stuff with her. I do all shopping, cooking, housework and earn all the money. He quit his last job 2 years before I had DD and I have been asking him for the last 3 years to get a job - I could do school drop offs and pick ups. He also didn't come to do his laundry - he left it for me to do.
He is staying in the caravan I am paying for, driving the car I paid for and spending money out of our joint account whilst still refusing to get a bloody job!

OP posts:

ravenmum · 15/10/2018 10:24

It is difficult to work things out at first, as it is the family home, but you can't just have the person you are splitting up from waltzing in and out as they like - you have to be able to close the door, for example, and sit in your pajamas crying in private, without your ex just walking in. And it is horrible to have their stuff in front of you, reminding you of them and whatever crappy things you have experienced. But there will always be transitional phase while you sort things out.

I don't think personally that it would be unreasonable to ask him to go to the laundrette. Otherwise either he's going to have to be coming and going in the house as he pleases, or you are going to have to help with his washing. But maybe try to put it a bit nicely?

gamerchick · 15/10/2018 10:26

So to start with don't rely on him for childcare. Just for the minute until proper contact is sorted out.

You need to sort out the money. He could clean out that joint bank account any minute.

Speak to a solicitor soon.

gamerchick · 15/10/2018 10:27

And certainly don't do that washing. He's saying he doesn't really believe you're serious about splitting up. He'll wait it out until you're 'over your strop'.

Original poster

Cath2907 · 15/10/2018 10:28

I also do all Dr. appointments, all night wakings, all parents evenings, DD is staying with me. He wouldn't want full custody.

OP posts:

Urbanbeetler · 15/10/2018 10:34

Then it’s right that he left not you.

And he shouldn’t leave his laundry for you to do!

HarmlessChap · 15/10/2018 10:41

It doesn't sound as though he's left you his washing it sounds as though he's doing his washing at a place which is jointly his in a machine which is jointly his?

Pebblesandfriends · 15/10/2018 10:42

You can't really complain about him dropping off his laundry while you are enabling him by paying for everything. If it's over he needs to stand on his own two feet. He's never going to get a job while he has a paid for car and roof. He should be supporting himself and his daughter. You need to have a chat, not just about the laundry, but about giving him a timescale to find his own place, his own transport and start formal child support.

ravenmum · 15/10/2018 10:49

He has only been out of the house for two days! Of course he'll have to find his own place, but then, so will OP...

Original poster

Cath2907 · 15/10/2018 10:55

Yeah - I know I need to talk to him. I have a solicitors appointment on Friday to find out where I stand. I appreciate that whilst he has paid nothing in over the last 9 years he is still entitled to a share of houses, cars, pensions etc.. He hasn't returned to deal with his laundry so I've stuck the wet stuff in the dryer and the towels in to wash. I assume he will collect it when he drops off DD later. I suspect he doesn't realise I was serious and assumes after a short coll off he'll be welcome to come home and if I am honest I haven't told him otherwise as of yet - I want to have a concrete plan in place and to know how long I can afford to support him for whilst he finds himself a job. I am busy digging out paperwork, budgeting and arranging things like before and after school club provision so that when I do finally make it all crystal clear my DD won't be impacted. Doing a load of washing in the meantime isn't that big a deal - it was more the unvoiced expectation that I'd do as normal and sort it out for him that made me a bit grumpy.

If anything I feel a bit sad for him that he seems to be oblivious as to how badly wrong this has gone (and believe me I've spelled it out A LOT over the last year or so - get a job or leave!) I have asked about job hunting and he got a grunt in response. If I withdraw all money he'd have to go home to his mum 180 miles away which would mean not seeing DD so I prefer not to do that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cath2907 · 15/10/2018 10:55

He has been out of the house since last weekend so a whole week.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 15/10/2018 10:59

I understand you're angry, but where did you think he'd do his washing? And would you want him to be there for hours while it's washing and drying?

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