He brought me his laundry!!!!!

[Cath2907]

I asked my husband to leave last weekend after a very rocky few years. He wasnt surprised and has moved temporarily into our caravan on a caravan site whilst we work out what to do next. He doesn't work (because he is a lazy git) but has been dropping and collecting our daughter to and from school all last week as normal. He turned up this morning to take her to school with his bag of laundry - he put one load on whilst I was out with the dog and has buggered off leaving his pants revolving in my machine, and a pile of wet towels in the laundry basket. I assume he is now coming back to finish his washing (or maybe he is expecting me to do it as per usual!?) I am trying not to get annoyed as he is looking after DD next week whilst I am away on business and it would be inconvenient if he refused (and she had to go to my mums' instead).

I want to take a fire axe to his head! I need to discuss boundaries with him, get my house keys back and generally re-explain that we are getting divorced so he doesn't have a claim on me or my washing machine anymore but I'd better wait until I get back from my week away. The man obviously cannot take a hint!

He didn't leave the laundry for you to do - you said quite clearly he did one load while you were out, and put another on before he had to leave to take DD to school. I assume he will pick them up when he drops DD back or he will come back before then to pick up. He's probably saving you money by not spending money he knows isn't his using the laundrette at the caravan site (is there one?).

You've been supporting him for years. Yes, he needs to get a job (is he depressed/has any other reason not to work?), but this sounds like really early days of your split, and it's not going to be as simple as turning off a tap. Talk with him. Work out what's reasonable for your both. Leave his washing where it is, unless you want to use the machine, in which case, put it into a laundry basket then leave it.

Why are you doing his laundry? Leave it there for him to sort out - regardless how long it sits there.

Stop enabling him, he'll never get off his lazy arse if you keep doing it for him and paying for everything.

I think you need to set some boundaries. Give him a date up until you'll pay his car expenses for him and after that it's his own responsibility, otherwise he has no incentive to find work. I see the benefit of having him stay in the caravan and it may be that he has to remain there until you decide what will happen to the house (will you sell and split proceeds, or buy him out?) In the meantime I'd change the locks on the house so he can't enter as he pleases. He then either asks to use the washing machine and agrees a time to drop off and pick up the wet clothes (don't dry or iron for him) or he gets acquainted with the local launderette. I would also make sure joint account only has enough for him to get by - move any excess funds to a separate account. In fact I'd have my salary paid into a sole account and transfer the bare minimum to an account he has access to.

He hasn't returned to deal with his laundry so I've stuck the wet stuff in the dryer and the towels in to wash.

Wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????

He's been a kept man for 9 years. You've run the house as well. Now you have separated you are doing his laundry, despite being upset by his presumption.

Just cut to the chase and get mug tattooed on your forehead then take him back.

Alternatively grow a pair of ovaries and draw some boundaries. Solicitor- now. Separate finances ASAP.

You need to NOT do it. Simple.

He hasn't returned to deal with his laundry so I've stuck the wet stuff in the dryer and the towels in to wash

Well more fool you. Next you'll be complaining he doesn't respect your boundaries.

he put one load on whilst I was out with the dog and has buggered off leaving his pants revolving in my machine, and a pile of wet towels in the laundry basket. I assume he is now coming back to finish his washing (or maybe he is expecting me to do it as per usual!?) would you rather he hung about all day doing the laundry?

He also didn't come to do his laundry - he left it for me to do. You said he put it in the machine

He hasn't returned to deal with his laundry so I've stuck the wet stuff in the dryer and the towels in to wash. I assume he will collect it when he drops off DD later. It's only been a few hours

Doing a load of washing in the meantime isn't that big a deal - it was more the unvoiced expectation that I'd do as normal and sort it out for him that made me a bit grumpy. But he put a wash on himself!

Interesting you say YOUR house keys, YOUR washing machine YOUR car etc. etc.

Fair enough if it's YOUR name only on the deeds and you bought the house before you married him / got with him, and your name on the car log books, but I'm guessing he has worked at some stage of your marriage and contributed financially? You're also married, which makes most things JOINT assets.

All assets are joint assets.

OP, you really need to get some legal advice and hope your STBX doesn’t. But he inevitably will. Escalating things and acting rashly , by changing the locks on his home, could prove counterproductive. Agree some reasonable boundaries if you can. If you can’t take proper legal advice.

You have every right to be angry with him. But it won’t change the reality that it is a joint home and a joint washing machine.

Be grateful he has moved out. Most people got stuck living together until the settlement is agreed. If you need to comfort yourself, remember the settlement will be based on an expectation that he can and should work.