I got rejected.

[HAKAY2018]

Hi,

Okay just admitted how I feel about this guy that I’ve spoken to non-stop for 2 months! Seems like I was reading all the signs wrong despite him doing all the following;

-Messaging me every single morning at 7:30AM because he knew that I was ready and out of the house heading to work at this time.
-Asking how my day was, what I did, him telling me what he did etc.
-Showing me photographs of his parents and sisters and telling me how well I would get on with them
-Messaging me at 8:00PM because he knew I finished work then
-Talking till late at night till one of us fell asleep
-Meeting up whenever we were free

Anyway... told him I liked him and he didn’t completely reject me but I felt that he was trying to be nice about not feeling the same...

He said that he wasn’t sure about the future and that it was too early to talk about the subject.

Told him that I wasn’t proposing or planning a wedding and that I wasn’t in love with him but only liked him and felt that he should know.

Anyway, I told him that I wasn’t prepared to invest my feelings or time any longer if he wasn’t interested in me.

Feel like a complete idiot! And I’ve done so much for this guy! Spend 2 whole days going through his 96 page thesis and correcting and adding things with him. Waited a hour in the rain for him to meet me once and ended up sick for 2 weeks. He admitted that he had noticed my feelings and that I liked him which got me really mad - IF YOU NOTICED, WHY did you not tell me that you weren’t ready for it?? Tbh I was actually falling in love with him but would have never said this...

Called him a player for playing with my feelings which got him angry.

Just feel like crap since this was the first time that I had told someone that I liked them first! And it’s not like we are young, both 28.

How do I get over all this? Gutted that I lost him but relieved that I’ve spared my heart from future trauma... but still gutted and upset.

"Suggested that we should continue to be friends for a little longer to get to know each other and till he finishes his studies"

Op when I read that, the cynic in me thought it was so you can conveniently continue to help him with his needs / studies. I hope I'm wrong, but you made your position clear and he didn't even remotely reciprocate.

He's stringing you along. Do you want to get involved with someone who messes with your head? I'd keep him very much at arm's length if you don't want to go NC altogether. Above all, protect yourself from someone who seems to be playing you.

What you've described sounds a lot like some relationships some female friends gave had with gay men who weren't out of the closet. One of them was even pissed off and jealous when she started dating. Almost like wanted all the bits of her as a girlfriend except intimacy. He really messed with her head for nearly 2 years because she liked him and he was really attentive but even when offered fwb etc, he didn't want that.

I would either 100% have him as just a friend or block him. Otherwise this is torturous for you and it won't end well and stop you from meeting someone.

Suggested that we should continue to be friends for a little longer to get to know each other and till he finishes his studies (this month I think?) because he’s unsure what country/city he will be living in next

How much longer do you need to get to know someone before you can decide if you even want to date them? You hadn't even kissed?! Bloody hell, there's taking it slowly and there's just being plain weird about it!

He's unavailable for whatever reason OP. Stop spending time with him because you could be out there meeting someone who KNOWS that he wants you. That's what you deserve.

Try and remove your blinkers and see him for what he is - he's not even your friend. A friend wouldnt string you along if he knew you had feelings for him. They certainly wouldnt come back to mess with your head a bit more.

A real friend might have been given a jolt and realised they did want to be with you. But he hasnt even done that.

Also, if you spent time with him now, wouldn't you just feel like you're on trial?

It's really wrong of him want to put you in that position

He basically wants to keep you tied to him in case he wants to date you later. Fallback option.

What is with the showing his family a picture of you? You're not even dating? He says they liked the look of you from the pic? They're hardly going to say you don't look nice do they? It's a line to keep you hooked - to imply he might be serious about you without any commitment.

As long as you are being his 'friend' you will not be seriously looking for other people. You'll be holding on and hoping. So this 'friendship' is wasting your time.

I would move on and date other people. If you want to stay in touch fine, but if you don't sideline him romantically now you will majorly regret it later.

Op when I read that, the cynic in me thought it was so you can conveniently continue to help him with his needs / studies.

Someone who spends 2 whole days going over a thesis is worth their weight in gold. He can see you like him and will help him, of course he wants to keep you around.

Op when I read that, the cynic in me thought it was so you can conveniently continue to help him with his needs / studies. I hope I'm wrong, but you made your position clear and he didn't even remotely reciprocate

Exactly what I thought. He needs you handy in case he requires more help.

You'll recognise that if he asks and you can tell him he should do it by himself.

You are all right!

I noticed that too...

He said yesterday how I had been etc.

Asked him the same and he said... well you know still working on my thesis...

And I just got the feeling that he might very well think that I would say ‘yeah if you need anymore help just send it over’ (like I did before)

But I didn’t. And he hasn’t contacted me all day so I suspect this was why he suggested continuing the friendship. If he asks for help - I’ll tell him to shove the thesis where the sun doesn’t shine 😂😂