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Relationships

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Original poster

Help me figure out if the shy bloke likes me or not?

34 replies

RubyStilleto · 14/10/2018 16:38

Met a guy through mutual friends, he kept looking over until I gave him a big smile & he came over. Next day he adds me to Facebook (lol, I know) and we get chatting. I tell him I'm going to an event I think would interest him & ask if he wants to come - he says he'd love to and so we go together. Have a great time, spend hours talking and he insists on paying for everything. He did mention he is very shy but trying to overcome this a day at a time.

We talk every day until he invites me to another event. I notice he's started given me this starry eyed look whenever we chat and he always looks at me when others are talking in the group. Again he stays close to me all night and my mind is blown when he tells me 4 hours has passed already. I have to say he gives me the kind of
'look' only long terms bf have given me in the past but I don't want to read too much into it.

Now he's invited me to an event in a week's time but now I have no idea if we have become friends or if there's romantic potential. He hasn't tried to kiss me. I looped my arm through his as we walked around & he seemed happy about it. He leaned in close and kept his arm pressed against mine for about 5 mins on our last date. But he hasn't said he's into me although he pays me compliments.

I'd like to hold his hand or make a move to kiss him but I don't want to completely misread the signs and lose a friend. Help me figure out what to do?

OP posts:

subspace · 14/10/2018 17:20

I'm pretty certain he likes you.

Shy guys are excruciating to flirt with/date in my experience! If I could give you one piece of advice it's to be the bold one, at least in the beginning. I'd you who is going to have to take the risks. Why not reply "sure I'd love to. Just to be clear, is this a date or a friends meet up?"

Original poster

RubyStilleto · 14/10/2018 17:31

What makes you think it might go beyond friends for him?

Ooh, I really feel I can't say that! I know it's pathetic, I used to be much bolder than this but I was burned by a cheating ex at the start of the year and its knocked my confidence.

I'm enjoying his company so much that I don't want to f*ck things up/make it awkward. But I also want him so....

OP posts:

ChippyPickledEggs · 14/10/2018 18:04

Just pounce on him Ruby - you know you wanna

Original poster

RubyStilleto · 14/10/2018 18:09

I really do...but I don't wanna scare him off!

Any shy people got advice for me? Ha.

OP posts:

LanguidLobster · 14/10/2018 18:16

Seems like he really likes you! I'd go for a kiss.

Equalityumber · 14/10/2018 21:27

Sometimes you need to give the green light to men or they won’t make a move. I’d go in for a kiss too. X

butterballs9 · 14/10/2018 21:39

It sounds like he feels the same way! Shy people need lots of warming up and it takes time for them to open up, especially if they have been hurt, as you have. I'm shy in this type of situation and it takes me ages to really relax around someone - especially if I am interested in them in a romantic way. I think the best approach is just to spend as much time around them as possible and in the end things will happen naturally They just will. Don't try to force it - he is also probably trying to figure out where you stand and doesn't want to ruin it. If you are both enjoying each other's company then just go with the flow and enjoy. From what you have written he wants the same as you and is testing the water with you as well. If you spend enough time around each other enjoying each other's company things will progress naturally and if they don't, well hopefully you will have gained a friend in the process.

Penguinsetpandas · 14/10/2018 21:57

Sounds like he's interested to me.

I'm quite shy and if someone held my hand I would realise they were interested without being scared away.

compostcorner · 14/10/2018 22:07

i was an incredibly shy man when i was in my teens and twenties, i would cross the road to avoid talking to people, when i got my first job my work mates thought i was a mute, as for women, i thought they were from another planet, whenever i saw girls giggling or having a laugh, i though they were laughing at me. it got to the point when i hit 30 that i had to do something about it, chatting girls up was definitely something i could not do, even the thought of it made me sick, so in the days before the internet i went on to the lonely hearts pages in my local paper, the first girl i met was lovely, she guided me through the evening in a country pub and it was very nice, we swapped phone numbers and off we went. after about 5 dates i had still not had the courage to hold her hand let alone go in for a kiss, and everytime we said goodnight we had a hug but i left feeling totally frustrated and inadequate, when i got home i always gave myself a telling off, then one night at her house she put her arms around me and gave me a big kiss, it was obvious i enjoyed it as i couldnt hide my manly bulge, but even after that i still never had the courage to make the first move, i think it took about 6 months before we held hands in public, that was a massive milestone for me, we never did more than hold hands and a quick kiss and we eventually split up, but it gave me a bit of encouragement that not all girls thought i was ugly, and not all girls were laughing at me, and when the internet came along it gave guys like me a chance, i am now 58, still shy and quiet but nowhere near as bad, the shyness has played a big part in my life, i"ve never been married but have had a couple of long term relationships, i would have loved that first girl to have made the first romantic move a lot earlier, i thought about her all the time and what i should say or do, i rehearsed loads of speeches of what to say to her, of which none i had the guts to go through with, my advice to you if he"s going through the same as what i did is make the first move, just hold his hand and kiss him quickly on the lips, if he"s like me he"s feeling tortured inside because he cant bring himself to make hie true feelings felt, so help him out.

Original poster

RubyStilleto · 14/10/2018 22:53

So penguinssetpandas it might be better to test the waters holding his hand first?

To be honest I felt like the kiss was coming. And that it most likely would have happened if his friend hadn't tagged along at the end. It does feel very organic and developing nicely so maybe it will 'just happen'.

OP posts:

Pashazade · 14/10/2018 22:58

My DH was quite shy around girls when we first got to know each other. I'm afraid I decided I liked him and so decided to pursue matters. He was like a rabbit in the headlights . Still we'll have been together 19 years in November (married 10) so I think it turned out ok

aManForAllReasons · 14/10/2018 22:59

I think he likes you. I didn't kiss my DW until our 3rd date as I didn't want to misread the situation. She was starting to worry that I didn't like her but I was just too scared to try for a kiss and get knocked back.
Good luck

Original poster

RubyStilleto · 14/10/2018 23:07

so what made you finally decide to go for itaManForAllReasons?

OP posts:

aManForAllReasons · 15/10/2018 06:27

It got to the stage where even I couldn't get it wrong! We were at a bar, lots of music & drinks, and were stood side by side whilst chatting to each other and others around us. I noticed the backs of our hands kept touching and then staying together, so i took a deep breath and held her hand. We stayed like that for a bit then both just looked at each other and had our first kiss. We've been married 14 years now.

Maidsrus · 15/10/2018 06:35

Why not start a convo about how well you both get on and you’ve not met anyone like him, he’s so lovely etc ...make sure he feels the same then go for it

Penguinsetpandas · 15/10/2018 07:41

I think holding his hand and / or saying how lovely he is might make him less nervous about starting a relationship. Though think its important to be yourself so if you feel more like kissing him then go for it, he probably would be very happy too.

ChristmasFluff · 15/10/2018 17:48

I'm normally a 'let the man leas' sort of person. But he's invited you out and paid (so it's a date), and I would have no qualms in snogging him to allow things to develop. Or he will run away screaming, and at least you will know.

DalitabaTilly123 · 16/10/2018 13:35

My now boyfriend is shy and still is. On the second date i went in for the kiss and now we have been together nearly 3 years! Do it! :D

Original poster

RubyStilleto · 16/10/2018 20:28

Latest update - so he told me he might go to an event next week and did I want to come with? I said yes but could he please let me know around mid-week as I may end up having other plans otherwise.

So today he contacts me saying 'I'm definitely getting a ticket to X thing if you want to come'. Right now I'm thinking...is this actually a date? Will he have friends going too? He definitely phrases it as 'I'm going anyway, would be great to see you there. I've never been with a man who arranged dates in such a way, though I think he may be inexperienced...

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 16/10/2018 20:30

Give him a little kiss on the cheek?

SheRaTheAllPowerful · 16/10/2018 20:32

Be brave, just text back ‘it’s a date!’

Penguinsetpandas · 16/10/2018 21:00

Sounds like he's worried about being rejected from phrasing. I would assume its a date but not impossible he will have friends there.

Dontfeellikeamillenial · 16/10/2018 21:03

Text him back and say ya, you want to go with him.

What's with all the armchair psychology, does he, doesn't he, it's bloody obvious!

glitterystuff · 16/10/2018 23:39

Look, you don't want him to be a friend, so if he doesn't fancy you and you asking scares him off then you haven't lost anything... But it really does sound like he likes you, so just ask him where this is going (and give him a big smile)... And enjoy!

glitterystuff · 16/10/2018 23:39

*you don't sound like you want him to just be a friend

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