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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he married?

41 replies

Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 10:26

I met a man on OLD three months ago - we used to chat for hours but sometimes, he would ghost me and kept making excuses about meeting in real life, so, I ended up blocking him. He contacted me again from a different number and begged me not to put the phone down and he apologised for his behaviour.

Still, he was not committing to meeting in real life, always blaming his work, so I blocked him again and after three weeks, he contacted me again and I reluctantly agreed to meet in real life.

We met and it was an instant connection and chemistry (he was two hours late for our date) - but he is doing the same thing as before from messaging/talking on the phone every day to ghosting me and blaming his work for not having any time to text or call me. He called me after midnight this morning but chose not to answer his calls.

I suspect that he is married - when we met, he told me that he was separated. I have asked him again if he was married, he chose to ignore the questions. He told me that he was looking for a serious relationship.

Is he married? I have chosen to not contact him again.

OP posts:
funicorn · 13/10/2018 10:28

We can't answer that BUT even if he is separated or single is this the kind of behaviour you want from a partner ?

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 13/10/2018 10:29

Does it matter? Whether he is or he isn't he sounds awful. Ghosting you then finding ways round you blocking him. Ugh.

Aceinthehole · 13/10/2018 10:29

Stop mugging yourself on such a waste of space.

MyUsername200 · 13/10/2018 10:35

He could be married still.

Even if he wasn't, this sounds like too much hassle. Things won't change either. I would block for good and ignore any further contact.

TigsytheTiger · 13/10/2018 10:40

Oh my goodness this man sounds awful. Yes probably married but even if he isn't steer well clear.

Bluntness100 · 13/10/2018 10:40

I agree, who cares. He's treating you like shit. And it's early days when oth should be making an effort.

Block him for good.

rosabug · 13/10/2018 10:50

This blokes an asshole. Fact: You will be one of many he's juggling for amusement. Worse - you're likely bottom of the pile. He will be having fuller relationships (though equally dishonest) with some of the others. There are good guys out there, but my god there are some so mean, manipulative and borderline evil you wouldn't believe it - and they feed on OLD and the hopefullness and honesty of women. Never ever give this type of behaviour a second chance.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 13/10/2018 10:51

He was two hours late for your first date? Why on earth did you wait for him?

Brownboots · 13/10/2018 10:53

Are you kidding? It took months to get him to meet you then he was 2 hours late? Honestly? Why did you wait? He wouldn't be seeing me again, married or not. He wouldn't have seen me the first time if he was 2 hours late.

PhaedrasChocolate · 13/10/2018 10:55

Why on earth did you bother with him when he was 2 hours late after all that previous fucking about?? You must be mad.

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 11:12

Thank you, everyone, for your advice.

I have just checked on his online profile and seen that he was still active on the site. I was not aware that he was still active online as he had told me that he had deleted his profile.

I feel such a mug for accepting to meet him and subsequently waiting two hours for him as he kept saying, "10 minutes, I will be there..."

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 13/10/2018 11:13

Either way he’s a dick and I would not be arsed with someone who had so little respect for me.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2018 11:15

You sound like an absolute sap

Whatever his relationship status might be, you need to seriously raise your bar on how you allow yourself to get treated

Currently, even an ant would struggle to limbo under it

Lifeisabeach09 · 13/10/2018 11:15

Put it down to experience.
You'll know next time not to wait two hours for a date or accept such erratic behaviour.
Keep dating, OP.

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 11:22

@Any, what is a SAP? I am new on here

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 13/10/2018 11:47

Late for the date by 2 hours 😱 fucking hell I would have gone home and been in bed watching silent witness...2 hours late on a first date is horrendous regardless of the other behaviour . Bin him off

Wristy · 13/10/2018 11:52

sap3
sap/Submit
nounINFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN
noun: sap; plural noun: saps
a foolish and gullible person.
"He fell for it! What a sap!"

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 12:00

Yes, I guess that I was gullible. I am usually very careful but I don't understand why I waited for 2 hours for him.

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 13/10/2018 12:10

Married or not he must be pissing himself laughing at your acceptance of his behaviour. He's playing you big time. Seriously bin him and raise your standards for future dating encounters.

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 13:32

UPDATE*

He has just sent a message on WhatsApp saying, "Darling, what are your plans for today...."

I did not read all of it. I just deleted the message and I realised what a mug I was - I think I was the ego booster that he needed now and again. I think that I am strong enough to know that silent is also a response.

I have moved on and I have a date with a decent man tonight. Things happen for a reason, I met my date on what I may consider a decent dating site. The shocker is that he lives just five minutes away from me - across the bridge.

Is that not a nice title for a book, "Love across the bridge?" this will be our second date and so far so good! A true gentleman!

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 13/10/2018 13:35

It’s. A. Second. Date.

Wise the fuck up. You,sound desperate.

dirtybadger · 13/10/2018 13:35

Darling? Yuck (after meeting once!)

Good luck with your other date

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 13:46

@Black, it took the first guy almost 2 months to meet and then he started ghosting me, coming on strong and then cold. So, last week I was contacted by a different man and found out that we live 5 minutes away from each other.

We met on Thursday and it was good, so he is taking me tonight on a second date.

I am not desperate, just like all of us, we want to meet someone decent. No games, no drama....

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 13/10/2018 13:47

Is that not a nice title for a book.

It’s the second date. Are you 13?

Original poster
Tanner2018 · 13/10/2018 13:53

@Black, I am in my 40s...… I am not desperate. I was played and I allowed myself to be played, however, I have met someone who is not playing me and why should I not give him a chance?

We live 5 minutes away from each other. From the moment we started communicating, he has not played me. These men exits and we need to also give credits where it's due.

OP posts: