I don't want this anymore

[mom2be18]

My DH works away Monday to Friday and I'm currently pregnant.

He used to work away when we first met and stopped as we found we missed each other a lot.

Now he's back doing it and whilst I understand he's earning more money than he would be if he was working locally, I'm finding it quite miserable (now I am sure he is too, so don't mean to feel sorry for myself).

He works and then goes out each evening whereas I am working and pretty much eating/cleaning and going to bed as I'm so tired. I guess you could say I was envious of that actually.

Mainly though, I just feel really lonely. I hate waking up alone and going to bed alone l, eating my tea alone (again, I know loads of people do this and I am being a bit pathetic - but it's how I feel).

I'd love for him to earn a bit less and come home, or even just work away a couple of times a week rather than the whole week.

I don't want to say anything though incase I sound ungrateful for his hard work.

Life is short and I miss my husband.

Am I being a whiny wimp or shall I discuss this with him?

What do you mean he goes out each evening, doing what and spending how much, I'd not be happy about that.

I'd also not be happy being pregnant and left on my own, you sound nothing like a whiny wimp, you sound lonely and no wonder. I would discuss with him yes, what was the point in planning a baby when he's not there to help look after it, sorry but that would piss me right off.

What's with the going out every night, does he think he's single!

He goes to the pub each night with his friend, his friend who he's told me has previously cheated on his DW, so yeah if I'm completely honest with myself I'm not feeling 100% secure about that. Although, in fairness my DH hasn't given me any reason not to trust him so benefit of the doubt.

Not sure how much he spends, I don't get involved in his finances he just gives me half towards the bills and the rest he does what he pleases with.

@Adora10 thank you by the way x

I don't like the sound of this. He's living the single life, while you're carrying his child. Who the fuck goes to the pub EVERY night?

100% talk to him! I think it sounds dodgy and I would not live in that situation. If he can get a job without working away he needs to. Put your foot down. If he's that miserable working away, he would understand.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

You would not sound at all ungrateful for saying something and you should be able to talk to him anyway.

When is this man ever home?. You also need to be fully conversant with the household finances. It is not at all good enough that he merely gives you half towards the bills. What is going to happen when you are with your child, will he continue to do as he is doing now?. Its more than likely.

working away and going to the pub every night sounds like the early careers of many people I know.

but if you aren't happy with it then obviously you need to talk it over.

how often is he home? Also what's the deal with the extra cash? Do you think this is his way of enjoying life and refusing to admit he has a family, or is there really a major cash injection from working away?

So he needs to kerb his single lifestyle and get a normal job.
And provide emotional support for you not just bunging you a bit of cash!!
Kick him into touch or kick him out.

Ridiculously harsh responses here against the husband.

Let’s remember that this is clearly a joint decision that was made between OP and her husband. She has now decided she may not want it to continue.

What is wrong with him going to the pub every night? Assuming he isn’t drinking too much alcohol or doing anything he shouldn’t. He is away at work, he can’t get home to OP so what is the problem? He should sit in his hotel room on his own because OP is at home on her own?

Based on the OP he is totally innocent in this.

OP, you should talk to him openly.

I wouldn't be happy about it either, I would much rather have less income and actually see eachother and have some help at home/with the kids

Bullshit, my partner has worked away for years and has never gone to the pub every night, what a joke.

I've actually never heard of a husband whose wife is expecting a child to be in a pub every single night, so that's five nights a week.

Those supporting him must have really shit standards.

OP, not saying he is cheating at all, even if his friend has or does but this sound completely wrong, you are basically left on your own, still don't understand why you would plan a child together if he's actually never there much.

He is spending family money five nights a week that's why Lack, I'd also wonder if he had a drink problem.

How much more does he earn?
Is it double?
Do you need the money for specific things?
What does he say when you tell him you would be happier if he worked locally for less?

I am another one who doesn’t see a problem with him going to the pub every night while he’s away. I come from a family who have regularly worked away Mon-Friday and my husband works away quite frequently. I wouldn’t expect any of the to sit in their hotel rooms all night every night -how do you expect them to eat? Drink? Keep sane? He’s not going to the pub to have a piss up,he’s going to have his tea and surely it’s much better than sitting in a hotel room every night - or is this what people would expect?

And I would think he would get his expenses paid to a certain amount for his meals and drinks so I think that’s a redundant argument.

This isn’t all to say that you have to be happy with it, OP, just that the responses re the husband are unreasonable. It’s up to you what you are willing to live by.

Get please get involved with the finances.
For all your know the extra money he earns by working away could be being spent going to the pub.

With all this technology you could be both sat on your lap tops each evening he's away taking on in face times or web cam etc.

If he's away during the week the schedule would be work
Shower food face time / tv.

If he's spending money in the pub it's kinda defeating the object

Goes to the pub EVERY NIGHT. What the actual fuck. You're being treated like a doormat.

Apologies, I see he's AWAY whilst going to the pub every night, in which case, if he's not getting steaming drunk, isn't much of an issue as PP suggest he's probably bored of hanging round hotel every evening.
An open discussion regarding the working away would be beneficial though as it'll be quite a struggle with a newborn with him away all the time.

offside exactly - not saying OP has to be happy or not change her mind on the decision but a lot of posters here have missed the point and have just jumped straight on the ‘he’s a bastard’ bandwagon when I don’t think that’s really what OP was getting at.

those supporting him must have really shit standards hmmm or have actually been in his situation themselves thank you very much!

Also why has it been assumed that he spends family money and drinks alcohol every night?! Maybe it’s £2 on a lemonade and packet of crisps that is expensed to the company. I mean, it’s probably not, but why are people so happy to throw accusations around without knowing the facts.

I honestly don’t get the issue with the pub every night - OP hasn’t said he goes out and gets slaughtered every night and spends too much money, she hasn’t suggested he has a drinking problem and she hasn’t even said that she has an issue with that per se - just that she’s a bit envious.

As someone who is used to having people work away when I read that I read it as he’s gone to the pub for his tea and a drink - pub much cheaper than a restaurant and more sociable than a takeaway - again an excuse to not have to sit in his room all night. I would expect he isn’t getting hammered because he’s got to get up in the morning for work. Definite overreaction on this thread.

People don’t like working away but they’ve got to make the best of it they can - my DH hates working away and I would hate the thought of him sitting in his hotel room every night on his own, I want him to make the best of a shit situation and if that means going to sit in a pub for a social dinner and drink then so be it - I’m not sure where else I’d expect him to go.

You don't have to sit in a hotel room either, you can Airbnb anywhere nowadays, you also have technology to face time each other, most places have kitchen facilities, I wouldn't be staying in a Hotel every night, kinda defeats the purpose if you are having to eat out dinner every night!

Who goes to the pub every night anyway, not the norm at all for a family man whose wife is pregnant, the money should be getting saved for baby stuff, not in the pub, but each to their own, some are A ok with it.

And yes my husband has worked away for years, he's never felt the desire to go to the pub every night, why would he, I'd be concerned if he was.

OP, you are perfectly entitled to not want it any more, esp with a baby on the way, talk to him, see if he would consider and it's financially viable for him to find work which allowed him to go home in the evening and actively take part in being a parent.

Thanks for all of your responses, I appreciate that it sounds dodgy about him going out on the evenings drinking, but as I say I haven't got any reason to doubt him and I do think it's envy and frustration more than anything as I am struggling to stay awake for the day. I don't mean to sound naive but I really do trust him, perhaps I have my insecure days but he's been a good husband and deserves my trust.

The money thing definitely needs addressing, I agree. Although I don't want more than half, I definitely would hope he's doing some saving for baby's arrival/paternity leave/life in general.

As baby was planned I did kind of expect us to be together and have a bit more support from him, emotionally and round the house. I guess i value that more than financial, which may be silly. DH has been unemployed for a couple of months in between and we've coped on my salary, it wasn't ideal and we struggled but we can definitely cope with a little less money than he's on now as proven by those months.

I think the bottom line is that I do feel lonely and quite frightened and I need my husband back.

what do you mean you 'hope' he's putting some money by? have you not had this conversation.....going to the pub every night is going to cost money that could be being saved - what is going to happen when you've had the baby? can you stay where he's working then so you will have his support....
I was really worried about money and future money and mat leave money etc when pregnant (possibly slightly too much but hey ho) so we did a budget so knew exactly what was going to pay for what etc
how much could spend/save whatever out of our family money-

this is his child you are carrying and you seem to be very unsure about a lot of things that are basic fundamentals of family life....This weekend that can be your family thing to do.....

Contracting away from home is tough on both parties , have you thought he may be eating there? Food is my biggest problem when away. There are allowable expenses whilst working away and if he is a limited company he can claim a lot back but not beer. What would you have him do sit in some hotel room looking at four walls all night? Money he will need to keep a war chest in his bank account for Inland Revenue bills and between contracts so high daily rates should not be taken as high income. been contracting for many years and it has a terrible impact on relationships.

Adora with all due respect I think you’re being a bit naive and maybe it’s your own insecurities,but I’m not sure of many companies who will pay for their staff to stay in Airbnb’s when hotels/b&bs are much cheaper. I have family who have worked in trades and they’re is no way their companies would pay for Airbnb’s, I’m fact you’ll find lost of these companies will have pre-booked the accommodation without any day so from their employees, and my DH works in the corporate world and they too wouldn’t pay for Airbnb’s, they tend to have corporate hotels/hotel chains they use. If they start paying for Airbnb’s for one person they have to do it for all, that’s just unrealistic, an unrealistic to expect grown adults to share living accommodation with colleagues - this happened once with my DH, where an apartment was booked, and he was very uncomfortable with it - they’re colleagues, not friends.

Again, you’re wildly missing the point of going to the pub every night, I’m sure the OPs DH doesn’t want to go to the pub every night but what else is there to do? He isn’t going out on the piss, he’s having his tea.

When I started feeling like this I sat down and spoke to my husband about it and we worked out a way for him to work closer to home. Yes we had a little less money but it was worth it to both of us for him to be home and around more for the children. It also meant that I got my life back as I could meet my friends in the evening.

Speak to him. He might be feeling the same.