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Original poster

divorcing parents, one wants children to have flue vaccine,

31 replies

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 09/10/2018 19:06

Very difficult and nasty divorce, stbxh is very controlling . Im considering getting the children the flue vaccine, but it opens up a hole host of issues.
What do separated parents do? Feels wrong just to get it done, but if i mention my intentions i know it just wont happen as he will veto it. I do have a residency order if this makes any difference.

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 09/10/2018 19:12

What grounds does he have to object....as a control thing or due to some paranoia?

Is it a school thing (not sure if that's how it works in your area,it does in some) or through GP? Probably easier to sort through school as its not something you would necessarily even think to mention (I know you have thought about it, but hypothetically speaking if he later found out).

elifant · 09/10/2018 19:15

Has he actually said he doesn't want them to have it?

user1493413286 · 09/10/2018 19:15

To be honest I’d just do it; it’s a normal vaccine and not really a contentious one is it? Assuming your children have had their other immunisations then why would he have an issue other than just to be awkward.
Additionally if it’s recommended then it’s based on medical advice

albert92 · 09/10/2018 19:16

The flu isn't normally offered to children unless they have asthma ? I personally wouldn't get my child or myself the flu jab

Dandybelle · 09/10/2018 19:18

They're rolling it out in schools as a nasal spray at the minute as far as I know, I don't know if it's just my DD's age group (reception) or all ages. But as far as I can see it'll do more good than harm and knowing how crap flu makes you feel I'd feel terrible if I had had the opportunity to give her one and didn't and then she got sick.

jayho · 09/10/2018 19:24

I've just done the online form for my son. Very similar situation with his father. Form just asks if you have pr. it's a squirt up the nose, kids won't remember it. Go for it.

KMoKMo · 09/10/2018 19:25

Why does it feel wrong to get it done? You are only protecting your children from illness.
Would he veto it because he’s an anti-vaxxer or just to spite you.
If it’s the latter no way would I hesitate.
Have the kids had it before? You could just play dumb and say ‘well they had it last year I didn’t think there was an issue’ if he does find out.
He sounds like an idiot - well done for getting rid

Whatsthisbear · 09/10/2018 19:39

The flu isn't normally offered to children unless they have asthma ?

^ yes it is from age 2 up to year 5 in England. (age 17 if asthma or other at risk conditions then onto adult flu jab)

albert92 · 09/10/2018 19:41

@Whatsthisbear I have a 6 year old and he's never been offered it by my nephew has asthma and gets offered it every year

category12 · 09/10/2018 19:41

It's not a decision I would involve him in.

I don't inform my ex when I take the kids to the dentist or doctor - I do the lion's share of looking after them, the routine medical stuff I don't honestly think he needs to know. I'd class the flu vaccine as routine medical. And given his history, why open the door to a drama?

albert92 · 09/10/2018 19:41

@Whatsthisbear I'm 22 and also never been offered iit

Original poster

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 09/10/2018 20:04

No i haven't had it done before iv always objected. But my children are prone to very high temp when unwell so think its better to protect them.
He will object as he objects to everything! he objects to me taking them to the drs about anything and doesnt follow medical advise. he also tried to control the type of diet they have, which is stupid as they live with me (i have a residency order!) Hes the kind of person who wouldnt give them calpul for a very high temp and make up some, claiming the body will sort it self out etc etc.
I find it hard as i so so want to play fair and as the father i think he should have a say in it all, but in reality thats not what will happen. He will object and will threaten court action and i will dismiss it!
Hes a bully and a controller.

The thing is a lot of separated parents i guess would get it done, but he will care, he will get obsessed about it and there is a good chance he will make a bigger thing of it than needed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 09/10/2018 20:04

Its offered to all young children now as routine.

OP posts:

PickAChew · 09/10/2018 20:10

My 12yo has been offered the mist, but he's at a special school so many of the pupils will be vulnerable.

category12 · 09/10/2018 20:10

Given the background, just do it.

elifant · 09/10/2018 20:10

If he threatens you with court, let him get on with it. Taking you to court for following standard medical advice? Who will look like the sane parent in that scenario? As you say you already are the RP so routine decisions are made by you, not him.

Starlight345 · 09/10/2018 20:17

I think you need to realise while you want to co parent . He wants to control.

So what goes on in your house stays in your house unless really need to know.

What you do with the kids, Fred the kids don’t discuss.

Least said soonest mended really applies here.

dirtybadger · 09/10/2018 20:24

Just FYI I believe NICE guidelines are not to routinely treat fever with antipyretics (e.g. calpol) if the child is otherwise fine in themselves but has a fever. But I doubt that he objects because he's aware of those guidelines...

dirtybadger · 09/10/2018 20:24

And yes just do it I say!

Whatsthisbear · 09/10/2018 20:24

@albert192 Your child age 6 may have been too old when they first started vaccinating just the age 2-4 age range. Initially not all areas in England , but the trust I work for (and all the neighbouring trusts) have been doing child flu vaccs for the younger ages for the last few years at the surgery. From reception age up to year 5 kids have had it at school the last couple of years. This is now being rolled out nationwide.
At 22 unless you are in an at risk group or pregnant you aren’t entitled to it. Your nephew of course is.

Op I hope you can get it sorted without him taking court action, although it could be argued if he doesn’t follow medical advice or even give otc medication to reduce a suffering child’s temp then he clearly doesn’t have the DC best interests at heart. Good luck

Original poster

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 09/10/2018 20:27

Thank you, tbh i wasn't sure it was seen as a routine medical thing.
I dont want to co parent that's been proven not to work! I discuss nothing with him and i mean nothing! Im totally aware its about control.

OP posts:

babygoose48 · 09/10/2018 20:30

I’d get it done if that’s your desire to, as young children are an at risk group. You are doing this for the sake of your children and their health and I don’t see how any objection to it can overrule your right to let them have it (and this is coming from a vegan who refuses to have them herself!)

You are doing what’s best for your children

mindutopia · 09/10/2018 20:37

I would just get it done. If your dc is school age, the school nurse just does it unless you return the form to object. My year 1 has has it every year since she was 2 as it’s offered as standard now. I think what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him in this instance. Certainly better than your dc getting horribly ill and a whole lot of drama.

ovendoor · 09/10/2018 21:12

Are you able to have a discussion with him?

Going against the grain, I have declined the nasal spray as it's a live vaccine and we are in regular contact with a vulnerable individual who could die from getting the flu (therefore the shedding of the vaccine)

Ex-H would normally be in favour but has understood this after discussion, and agrees.

If you can explain your whys and whatnot, perhaps he'll come to see your point of view?

LadyLapsang · 09/10/2018 21:12

For those that say just do it and don't tell the ex, are you sure they won't vaccinate the child as well when the child is with them (and not tell you) and in the case of an illness in their care, they would probably tell medical staff the child hadn't been vaccinated.

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