He has never given physical abuse, just verbally and emotionally
What I endure is mainly belittling me, criticising me, making me feel inadequate, demoralising me, making me feel worthless. the evil in his face as he snarls when he’s annoyed or angry at me makes my stomach in knots, and I shake with nerves.
He never ever compliments, but can quite easily criticise.
He has free reign to do what he wants, when he wants and with as much of his money as he wants, ( none of it is mine as he’s earned it.
But, As he is unable to read or write properly, can only just work his phone, doesn’t know how to use a computer, never done an email..hasn’t got one.
He makes a lot of money buying and selling cars. He buys the car and I take all pics, do all the descriptions, list them on multiple sites and answer and reply to all messages, he can’t even write a receipt out... but I do fuck all and don’t bring any money in (he keeps all the profit and I get paid £50 which gets spent on extra household bills.
the only money I am allowed is tax credits, which covers the weekly shopping, broadband bill, phone bill and 11yr sons expenses, School etc which happily for him has me penniless by the end of the week. Mortgage free, he pays the electric/gas/Water, Ctax/ and the car...
I take care of ‘his' house, his Kids, his meals, his washing and making his life as easy as possible, 'servicing his needs' when he wants regardless of what I need or want..
I fetch and carry, do whatever he tells me, go n get that, fetch me those etc etc.
run up stairs get me that...
Make me a brew.. make me another... put my flask up...
Will walk past his ‘made brew', sit down, and wait for me to pass it to him...
What’s that on the floor, have you cleaned today? (house is spotless)
Windows are filthy (grandsons handprints)
If I’ve not got round to hoovering all through (very rare as it gets hoovered every day) he’s huffin n puffing doing it himself, saying floors full of shit.
We all have to wait till he’s finished work, had a bath, gone back out again (to sort something or see someone) then when he’s ready I’m to make tea then so it’s freshly cooked? Usually 8 ish onwards.
I end up cooking twice so son can have his tea at a decent tea-time time. He doesn’t cook anything, never has....
All the above...Just to keep in good books with him
Lately I have been trying to stick up for myself, arguing back, he says the most hurtful things I know aren’t true, I end up so upset and frustrated because he won’t listen to any reasoning, just goes on to something else.. then the nutter words come out, then it’s all about me always being the same, a waste of space.(me screaming and crying how horrible he is to me is a sign of being mental and a nutter?)
I honestly don't think I can do any more or any better.
and I can finally say "its not me being over sensitive, its not me having a sense of humour failure. Its him being a controlling joy-sucking thoughtless bastard"
Only conversation we have is about money and 'him' earning all the money..
I find myself walking on eggshells everyday not knowing what mood he is in, or even trying my hardest not to put him in one!!
I live in his nice house, Drive his nice car, Have a holiday each year, the bills get paid and he is well off....
SO REALLY I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL ????? Oh and I’m on a good number ....
NARC...
Everyone of these is him...
Lack of empathy
Grandiosity - thinks they are terribly important and unique
Lack of accountability - blames everyone else for everything
Rage just beneath the surface
NEVER says sorry ever
Very exploitative of people in their life
Very little in the way of conscience - they are too special to adhere to normal codes of behaviour and morals
Hot and cold behaviour, push-pull dynamic
VERY controlling, they have to control anyone with whom they are personally involved with. Everything is on their terms
They expect compliance
Vengeful, vitriolic, spiteful
They have to win at all costs
Very manipulative
No real depth of feeling
He has always been very controlling. We watch what he wants to watch on the TV, his opinions are always right, nothing is ever good enough. The house is never tidy enough, the kids are never quiet enough, EVERYTHING is my fault. I have been reduced to a anxious, miserable, self doubting emotional mess. All locked away inside as I don’t show it..
It’s like an army/prison camp not a loving family home....and I’m literally his personal slave.
We’re both 49, 3 children (2 grown and 1 who’s 11
Spent 30 yrs together, left him in 2011 went back in 2016... first yr was good, then went down hill from then on and now back to ‘normal'
He isn’t diagnosed as a Narcissist, but from all these people’s posts. I know I have to leave for the final and very last time. I haven’t a pot to piss in, but I want peace and freedom, this is the only way left.
If any of the people on here previously, going through the same, please let me know and update your situations. All your posts are reassuring 💕