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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband no sex sulk

51 replies

Gingercatbiscuits · 08/10/2018 13:37

Hi I know there have been a few threads on here with husbands sulking due to no sex..we have sex maybe 1 a week, I have 2 young children, he went in a major huff last week when I said no I was tired..in fact her got up and went to watch tv instead of going to sleep. Shocked I went into the spare room, I didn't want to be near him, planning on staying there to think/be on my own/ until I get an apology. I am starting to resent the pressure, the issue I know is why I don't want to, but that aside, I don't want to go back to our bed just yet, I don't know what to do

OP posts:

Adora10 · 08/10/2018 13:40

Awful, you have sex once a week and he goes in huff because you tell him you are tired; sorry but the lack of respect from him would kill any desire I may have had; I'd have to sit down and explain this to him and ask why he thinks he's entitled to use my body when HE feels like it.

Original poster

Gingercatbiscuits · 08/10/2018 13:43

Thank you Adora, perhaps 1 time a week isn't a lot but he is in a major mood if I ever say no one night, I know I have to do it the next or he is so moody...it's really is making me not want to be near him, I've tried explaining this to him, there isn't any real non sex affection, it's just sex or nothing , no cuddles etc

OP posts:

Adora10 · 08/10/2018 13:45

No sorry, I wouldn't be able to have sex under those circumstances; he's treating you like a piece of meat. I'd honestly have to re consider a future with such a selfish self centred twat, he's not a nice kind person.

Original poster

Gingercatbiscuits · 08/10/2018 13:45

Am I being unreasonable just moving out into the spare room? I think it makes him think he can't just storm out in a huff if He doesn't get what he wants!!!

OP posts:

Adora10 · 08/10/2018 13:48

He'd not shove me into a spare room, I'd sleep in my own bed and if he tried to have sex with me against my will I'd assume the relationship was over, nobody is going to put their hands anywhere on my body without my full consent, you owe him jack shit.

Original poster

Gingercatbiscuits · 08/10/2018 13:50

Yes good point. I do need to think about our future for sure

OP posts:

Sleepingdog123 · 08/10/2018 22:14

My husband has done this for years. Probably not to the extreme of stropping off, but if I'm not interested there's no affection. If I say I'm tired he'd just roll away from me in bed. Or he'd go a bit quiet and sulky. He has a really high sex drive and for the last few years I've rarely wanted to instigate it but will do when a couple of days have passed so I don't have to endure the sulking. Over the last six months I've been getting more irritated with myself for allowing myself to go along with it, I've never discussed it with him. So about six weeks ago I addressed it with him. The consequence is we're now not doing it at all and I'm the most content I've been in ages. He clearly isn't but has stopped sulking about it. There's other issues too, not just this but this is a huge factor.

So I'm sorry, I can't offer any advice but wanted to say you're not alone.

Original poster

Gingercatbiscuits · 08/10/2018 22:30

It's good to know sleeping dog that I'm not alone, I brought it up with him and he apologised and said he was shocked at himself for stropping off...I said that I wanted to talk about it but not tonight, needs some thinking time about what a man child he has become, as you said there are other issues here too, but I just can't go on with him behaving like that , I too was quite happy to be sleeping alone, ah the peace!!

OP posts:

Cawfee · 08/10/2018 22:53

Men suck. Hear this story so many times. I’m just not interested in a giant sulky man child. Once a week is plenty of sex and he’s being stroppy like that?!? I couldn’t live like that!

Janel85 · 08/10/2018 23:04

Had this for so many years with dh, exactly the same thing sulking. But we weren’t doing it once a week, more like once a month. (But other things more regularly) I had lots of health problems and basically my energy and libido were on the floor. We rowed about it constantly, he said it made him feel like I didn’t love him or fancy him and I said he knew how physically drained and awful I felt and he was treating me like a piece of meat, I also told him there was nothing more unsexy than being pestered for sex and that he had turned it into a chore. He said it hurt that I never initiated sex. In the end we compromised, he backed right off and I made more of an effort. If i say I’m too tired now he accepts it without sulking, he realised he was completely out of order and I realised I needed to make an effort sometimes. I’m not saying that’s what you should do op, once a week with two small children is perfectly acceptable and I think you should read your dh the riot act. I hope things improve and he stops being so selfish, just wanted to share my similar experience.

Scott72 · 08/10/2018 23:10

Well, if you read this forum you'll see women handle repeated sexual rejection no better. I don't think his reaction, or getting a little huffy at other times, is really that over the top. He quickly acknowledged that he was at fault. However I can see its putting undue stress on you and ultimately decreasing your desire for sex. I think you both really need to talk. I'm not saying you should have sex more if you don't want, but he needs to see things from your viewpoint more so he can learn to dial back his reaction.

SureItsNotJustMe · 08/10/2018 23:14

FFS what's wrong with these people?!!!!(Disclosure: I am a man for the record)

I've never thought sulking was a particularly successful form of foreplay in my experience.

Tends to have the opposite effect. Bloody mummy's boys most likely.

Whereas not being a selfish dick, sharing the household tasks and being kind and thoughtful has been.

It's not exactly rocket science.

Am I wrong?

Catsatrophe · 08/10/2018 23:21

SureItsNot and Scott.

Do please fuck off.

And, in time-honoured MN speak, when you get there, fuck off some more.

BitOfFun · 08/10/2018 23:23

SureItsNot, you are not wrong.

unique1986 · 08/10/2018 23:24

I just don't how so many women marry these high sex drive men.
They got so lucky...

unique1986 · 08/10/2018 23:28

*get
Do women just want a male best friend?
I don't understand how sex is a chore.
I'm not into sex so I just have to be single.
Sad but true.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 08/10/2018 23:32

Ermmm, not quite sure why you've reacted like that Catsatrophe.

subspace · 08/10/2018 23:34

Catastrophe what on earth was so offensive about what he wrote?!

SureItsNotJustMe · 08/10/2018 23:36

Thank you, was about to ask the same question.

Scott72 · 08/10/2018 23:38

Hehe SureItsNotMe there are some threads where men, no matter how well intentioned, aren't really welcome and where women just want an opportunity to indulge in some good-natured griping about their men.

Notthemessiah · 08/10/2018 23:41

Fairly sure she just saw you were a man and didn't bother reading any further.

SureItsNotJustMe · 08/10/2018 23:45

Notthemessiah, maybe you're right barring any other explanation.

I always thought the best phrase was 'Fuck the fuck off to fucksville and then fuck off some more', just for the record.

eggncress · 08/10/2018 23:46

It’s bizarre how some men think going in a huff is going to put their partner in the mood for sex with them!
You should move into the spare room OP. Put a lock on the door and enjoy not being sexually harassed on a regular basis... bliss!

unique1986 · 08/10/2018 23:58

Do Men just marry for regular sex?
Hope not.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 09/10/2018 00:17

I'd find it really tough to accept that kind of behaviour. I'd address the sulking as it happened and to be totally honest, I would struggle not to verbally destroy him for it. It screams of mysoginistic entitlement and I have a quick temper for that. What a pathetic excuse for a husband he's being. Absolutely not on.

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