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Original poster

Would it annoy you?

46 replies

Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 12:30

If you found out your husband was a member of a private facebook group where the groups sole purpose was for people to post xrated pictures if themselves, would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
MrsExpo · 07/10/2018 12:34

I'd be livid!!! I'm assuming this is your DH you're talking about. What was his explanation (and how did you find out ?)?

SparklyMagpie · 07/10/2018 12:43

Without a doubt !

girlalmighty · 07/10/2018 12:44

Yes

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 12:44

He isn't aware I know.
We are having some work done in our house and he contacts the guy doing it through facebook. I dont have facebook.
I am off this week for them to come to the house so he told me to go in to his facebook and get their number because i will need to let them know what time im in. When i clicked on the search bar to type in the name it showed his last searched. I clicked in to it, curiosity got the better of me! And it is a private group you have to join. I did look back at the searches and he has been in it continuously for the last few months.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/10/2018 12:49

Blimey! Ugh! So this group posts photos of themselves - and only themselves? Are you sure he's not photographed you in compromising positions, OP?

purpleface · 07/10/2018 12:49

So sorry if you have experienced this OP Flowers

My STBX was in such a group, and for all I know still is. I was upset by it but no more than I was by his porn use (he didn't post in the group, it was free porn to him). He progressed to cam sites. He eventually turned out to be a peeping tom and the final nail in the coffin was when I found he had downloaded my (adult) neice's facebook photos into his digital porn stash. For him all this was symptomatic of being unable to cope with the realities of actual sex with a real person, where he was expected to take part.

Of course you are entitled to be annoyed if it annoys you, but if you feel you need permission, know that you have it and take a look at your boundaries and standards. Mine were far too low and I lost myself in a combination of low self-esteem and trying to be understanding, non-prudish, etc.

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 12:53

Thanks for the reply @purpleface, im so sorry you had to go through all that.

I know he uses porn and to be honest it didn't overly bother me but this has? Im not sure if that is double standards or not on ny part?

With porn there is no chance of him getting involved with the people involved but this seems completely different.

OP posts:
Djnoun · 07/10/2018 12:55

It would only bother me that he didn't ask me to join with him.

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 12:56

@hollowtalk it seems to be mainly women posting all sorts of pictures of themselves while the men just seem to ogle or comment Shock

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/10/2018 13:00

Ugh. That's way too personal. Honestly, in that group they're either egocentric narcissists or voyeurs - what a great choice.

I'd be more than annoyed.

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 13:32

You are right it does feel personal, I actually feel embarrassed to bring it up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 07/10/2018 20:24

Im tempted to make a fake facebook account and join to sre if he is liking and commenting on the girld pictures

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/10/2018 20:28

Im tempted to make a fake facebook account and join to sre if he is liking and commenting on the girld pictures

Me too.

DancingForTheDog · 07/10/2018 20:36

Of course it would annoy me! Good grief, how have we come to this when women are questioning themselves and wondering if they are being unreasonable if they object to their partners interacting with other women on a shared porn site? Is the bar set this low now?

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 09/10/2018 17:19

I tried to find the group to join it but I can't so im guessing it is a secret group that is invite only...which worries me more :-(

OP posts:
Adora10 · 09/10/2018 17:24

Of course it would annoy me! Good grief, how have we come to this when women are questioning themselves and wondering if they are being unreasonable if they object to their partners interacting with other women on a shared porn site? Is the bar set this low now?

THIS, TIMES A ZILLION.

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 09/10/2018 17:50

@adora10 im unsure if i should ask him about it now or leave it and see what happens.

OP posts:
itchybumhole · 09/10/2018 17:54

Don't play your hand yet. I bet my bottom dollar this is just the tip of the iceberg sadly. Keep digging. Thanks

Aprilislonggone · 09/10/2018 17:55

Exh it would be for me...

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 09/10/2018 17:59

I have absolutely zero interest in having him anywhere near mw sexually now because I know hes only turned on from what hes been up to every day :-(

OP posts:
gimeallthecake · 09/10/2018 18:04

Did you take screen shots for evidence?

Original poster
Miserableinmarriage · 09/10/2018 18:06

No actually! I didnt even think to! I'll see if I can get near if phone again and take a picture

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 09/10/2018 18:10

Grim. I'm tempted to say LTB cos I don't know that your marriage can stand that. Mine couldn't.

Elphabaisnotwicked · 09/10/2018 18:12

If you can get on his facebook again, within groups there is a search bar where you could search his name.

madcatladyforever · 09/10/2018 18:15

Annoyed/ I'd be murderous quite frankly and unable to respect him ever again.