Would it annoy you?

[Miserableinmarriage]

If you found out your husband was a member of a private facebook group where the groups sole purpose was for people to post xrated pictures if themselves, would you be annoyed?

If you can get into his Facebook account OP you can see what he's been liking and commenting on. Go to settings & privacy, then settings, then scroll down to your Facebook information and it's under activity log. You can then change the category to various things, like posts and comments, like and reactions etc.

If you do get back on his FB, look at his Activity log, it will show you what he has been liking/commenting on

Great minds socialist

I'll try to get a hold of it this evening, although the fact he is even in it has pissed me off never mind if he is liking or commenting.

He has just jumped in to the shower so I had a quick look. He is a definte member of the group....what a stupid name the group has too! His activity log has been deleted in full other than two searches today, one for a local builder and one for the group. Im guessing he searches for it every time instead of going into the group section on his fb.

I done a quick search of his name within the group and a few posts showed up but there were so many comments on the pictures that I couldn't find if he had commented anything!

The reason men prefer these groups to normal porn is so they can potentially establish contact with the women involved. I bet he's making new "friends."

Yep, similar has wreaked my marriage, Reddit has a similar page, all real 18 yr olds plus posting xrated pics of themselves in their own bedrooms, at work, etc. Same age as our daughters most of them. Dh perving over them everyday, minding our kids, whilst working,, I've no respect for him left, it's so sleazy. He said it's just voyeuristic, like that makes it all ok.

Is it the Lamps group, OP? Was in the news recently.

Check his activity log as PP said as the quickest way to see what he's been up to.

What type of group is it? If it's a group where his Facebook friends can see he's a member that would really embarrass and bother me, I know it shouldn't make it any worse but it would for me.

Why bother checking his activity? You know he’s a member of the group.

Personally I’d find this sleazy. But perhaps he joined years ago when he was younger?

Oh no op, definitely not overreacting

Evidence, evidence, evidence, then ducks in a row, then confront. That way if it blows up in your face you can just go.

How horrid. I’d probably confront him, and tell him I’d told his mum (and she was appalled).

If it’s all so harmless, dear, how come your face has gone that colour??

@wombofonesown thats what has been going through my head. Even if he only started off with the intention of looking the temptation that all these woman are so readily available might end up with him messaging them.

@sadiesnakes im ao sorry to hear you were in a similar situation. When you say it wrecked your marriage, did you leave him because of it or did it materalise into something else on his part?

@emma765 yeah it is that group :-( there are lots of spin off groups similar but the one he is in must be secret because I cant find it when I search (dummt fb page)

@kennycalmit definitely not from younger years, we have been together since I was 18 (13years) before facebook was even about and we have never not been open with phones to each other. Its never been an issue ans ive never felt the need to check. Thats why i was so shocked when i seen he was a member of it because it was him who told me to go into his facebook....does he think there is notjing wrong with it???

@skittlesandbeer you are actually right, his mum would be appalled!

Part of me wants to confront hkm because its annoying me so much! Part of me wants to wait and see what becomes of it!

It popped up in a news article for me saying how many thousands of members it had. Bit bizarre but maybe he joined out of curiosity.

I'd ask him about it and see from his reaction what he says!

Can you not just say to him
'WTF is this on your Ipad/phone/whatever'.
Do you think that it's appropriate for a married person to do this?
How would you feel if it was me doing it and making a complete fool out of you?
I would.

Agree with Mara, don't really know what is stopping you, and I'd guess he's been on it a while and didn't even realise you'd see it. I would go nuts myself and he'd have to show me it immediately so I could see his activity on it, I'd not be palmed off so he can delete it all. Really fucken creepy.

I actually consider this cheating, and I don't have a problem with general porn. He has knowingly gone and seeked this out, joined and is commenting to real life people - this isn't the poster's jobs, it's personal accounts with personal interactions.

Was about to say, I would also consider it a form of cheating.

Could you log back into his account and issue your own Facebook with an invite? That way you join and have a good look in your own time ? Sorry you’re going through this x

@FuckItPassMeTheWine I was actually thinking about doing that but was worried it would give him a notification that I had done it if i dont get to accept it straight away while I have his phone?

Do it during the night when he's asleep. Then clear it from his activity log.