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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband sulking as I am meeting gay male friend.

51 replies

strawberryblondebint · 07/10/2018 12:18

Help me understand this.
I have a male friend who i used to work with who is also gay. Although he was married to a woman in the past and has kids.
We no longer work in the same place but when we did he used to give me lifts to places and generally provide me with loads of support. We got on really well. He's a lot more experienced in the job than I am.
He's having a hard time at the moment (very ill partner) and I arranged to meet him next week for a coffee and a catch up. I had planned to take my child as well so my husband could work.
So mention this to husband and he's NOT Happy. As far as I can see it can only be jealousy (bizarre as my friend is gay) or out and out homophobia. He has said he will look after our child as he doesn't want her to go.
Now he's quiet and withdrawn and clearly in the huff with me.
What the actual fuck?
Advice

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/10/2018 12:19

I think you unwittingly married a complete idiot.

BrokenFlipflop · 07/10/2018 12:21

Your husband needs to grow up. Hes being a twat.

Why on earth doesn't he want your child to go with you?

To be honest if he's homophobic then that would be a deal breaker for me.

Cambionome · 07/10/2018 12:22

What Hollow said.

If he can't provide a rational explanation for his comments I would be tempted to completely ignore him.

Original poster
strawberryblondebint · 07/10/2018 12:24

God honestly he's perfectly ok bar this. I think it's actually a massive jealous streak. Which shows me he doesn't trust me and I'm not sure why.

Fuck

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 07/10/2018 12:26

Sounds like homophobia. He doesn't want the child to go because he thinks the child will 'catch the gay'.

I would ask him exactly what the problem is, and why he's sulking. I wouldn't let it drop.

Hopoindown31 · 07/10/2018 13:22

If he doesn't trust you then you need to take it seriously and have a proper discussion about it. How well does your H know this man?

Miggeldy · 07/10/2018 14:09

Did you know before this that he is homophobic?

Butterfly44 · 07/10/2018 14:14

Same....I don't think it's jealousy. The fact he doesn't want DD to go - all lends to being homophobic. He doesn't want her around him and not happy you meeting such a 'person' either. But he can't tell you that as he knows what you'll say.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 07/10/2018 14:21

He's either jealous or homophobic. Neither is good to be honest. I'd be more worried about the behaviour she'd be learning from DH

HereIgoagainxx · 07/10/2018 14:22

Omg how juvenile. Tell him to take a look at himself. Dear Lord.

lostallfeeling · 07/10/2018 14:26

Has he given you any reason as to why he has a problem with this?

subspace · 07/10/2018 15:17

I think the person you need to be saying what the hell to, is him.

Original poster
strawberryblondebint · 07/10/2018 15:32

You are all right. I took him to a gay wedding on our first date but he was clearly uncomfortable.
I do actually think it's more of a jealousy thing. When I had a different job there were lots of similar aged men and he was never happy if I mentioned any of them.
He's being a complete dick.
It's going to explode at some point. Im leaving him to stew. Sometimes he comes to his own conclusion and realises himself he's being a knobhead. I'm more pissed off that he's telling me I can't bring my own child.
I'm sooooo angry

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 07/10/2018 15:37

He’s being a dick, please do make a point if going, and taking you dc

RomanyRoots · 07/10/2018 15:47

just out of curiosity, is he a bit older than you?
every couple I know with an older man he is jealous of his wife, without exception. They tend to think their wife would be unfaithful.
Tell him to grow up or he will have something to worry about, and take your child to meet your friend, your dh can't stop you.

deoderant · 07/10/2018 15:57

I wouldn't trust you either. I've read about women lying about gay male friends before and you even state he was married before to a woman. If the situations were reversed and he said he was going to meet his gay female friend for coffee how the hell you would you react?

Annandale · 07/10/2018 16:01

Jeez if my dh had ever been well enough to meet a female friend for coffee i would have been so pleased Sad

I have spent 20 years of my life married to men who didn't like me having male friends. It is utterly shit. If i ever have a relationship again that is something up with which i will not put.

Thebluedog · 07/10/2018 16:05

deoderant I do hope you’re being sarcastic

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 07/10/2018 16:06

@deoderant yours is a complete piss take post yeah??

NotTheFordType · 07/10/2018 16:08

Your first date was to someone else's wedding?

gamerchick · 07/10/2018 16:11

I think deodorant going on their other post is a smite bitter about cheating in general so sees it everywhere.

Original poster
strawberryblondebint · 07/10/2018 16:19

@deoderant I have never cheated and I never will. Neither would he and I know that.
This guy is a friend with a very sick partner who I get on with very well and there is no attraction. We just laugh and have banter.

He is older than me but only by 3 years however he has lived in a small town all his life and has few friends. His choice. I have lived in several big cities and have always had lots of friends gay and straight. I wouldn't give a fuck if he went off to meet a lesbian or straight friend. However he's pretty insular and doesn't really socialise.

The gay wedding invite came as I needed a partner and we had been flirting on and off for a while. He was probably on his best behaviour as he fancied me.
He has made a few comments before but I have always laughed them off and told him not to be ridiculous. I didn't think he meant them.

OP posts:
deoderant · 07/10/2018 16:28

@Thebluedog

What is there to be sarcastic about? If your husband wanted to go out for coffee while you're at work with an allegedly gay female friend who had been married to a man before (which he conveniently forgot to tell you. Hmm). How the hell would YOU feel? You guys are acting like he's being paranoid over nothing. It wouldn't surprise me if the OP's husband had been cheated on or saw someone else close around him cheated on in a similar situation. "Oh it's okay honey you have nothing to worry about concerning that girl/guy." Yeah sure thing.

@BlaaBlaaBlaa
@gamerchick

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/10/2018 16:33

Oh Jesus my husband has gone camping with a lesbian.

Luckily I’m not a crazy person so it’s fine Hmm

deoderant · 07/10/2018 16:35

The gay wedding invite came as I needed a partner and we had been flirting on and off for a while. He was probably on his best behaviour as he fancied me.
He has made a few comments before but I have always laughed them off and told him not to be ridiculous. I didn't think he meant them.

You have once again made yourself look suspicious. If you have nothing to hide show or tell your husband everything you typed in this thread. With everything you typed out here there's no reason to believe this friend of yours is gay, at least not only gay or interested in only men.

I have never cheated and I never will.

The battle cry of just about every cheater I've ever heard of.

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