Husband sulking as I am meeting gay male friend.

[strawberryblondebint]

Help me understand this.
I have a male friend who i used to work with who is also gay. Although he was married to a woman in the past and has kids.
We no longer work in the same place but when we did he used to give me lifts to places and generally provide me with loads of support. We got on really well. He's a lot more experienced in the job than I am.
He's having a hard time at the moment (very ill partner) and I arranged to meet him next week for a coffee and a catch up. I had planned to take my child as well so my husband could work.
So mention this to husband and he's NOT Happy. As far as I can see it can only be jealousy (bizarre as my friend is gay) or out and out homophobia. He has said he will look after our child as he doesn't want her to go.
Now he's quiet and withdrawn and clearly in the huff with me.
What the actual fuck?
Advice

Oh deodorant you’re one of those tedious people who thinks men and women can’t be friends. I’ve always had more male than female friends - not even gay ones - and continue to meet them whether or not I’m in a relationship. Likewise people I date have female friends. If my boyfriend/husband wanted to go for coffee with a female (gay or straight) friend while I was at work, I’d say nothing more than ‘have a good time and see you later’

Deodorant ether you’ve massively misunderstood that post or you’re gonna have to explain it to me because I can not see where the hell youre getting these assumptions from!

I mean, god forbid people have friends who are the opposite sex, perish the thought and cover that ankle, you immodest hussy*

*not aimed at anybody in particular

Deoderant, in the post you've quoted above, the OP is referring to her husband as 'he', not the gay male friend. It was her husband (before they were married) who came to the wedding with her and flirted with her.

I give up

@deoderant you are completely missing the point.
Everyone else. Thanks
I will stand my ground.

@NotUmbongoUnchained

There's nothing wrong with not being blindly trusting.

Okay then just ignore my post.

What does you dh dick head think will happen to your dc? Does he believe that your dc might catch the gay?

If so then the best thing you could do is to divorce him on grounds of irreversible stupidity.

Haha @deoderant what a sad existence you must lead. That much suspicion must be exhausting.

My DH has lots of female friends ( all of them straight as far as I'm aware) and he works in a female dominated industry...I also have loads of male friends but it's not an issue becausr we trust and love each other.

I'm actually at a friend's house. He's male and single . My DH is at home with our son and he waved me off happily with a bottle of wine and just asked me to bring food home.

That was so helpful thanks.

If your husband wanted to go out for coffee while you're at work with an allegedly gay female friend who had been married to a man before (which he conveniently forgot to tell you. hmm). How the hell would YOU feel?

My husband goes out for coffee (and drinks!) with straight female friends, both single and married.

I go out for coffee and drinks with male friends, both gay and straight, both married and single.

And it’s fine, because I’m not loopy, and neither is he.

@deoderant I would be absolutely fine if my dh wanted to go to lunch with another woman who was a friend, regardless if she was gay, straight, married, single, divorced or painted sky blue pink. Why? Because I trust him. Same as the OP, she’s been upfront with her DP, not hidden anything or lied. If you can’t trust your fella with other women, he’s either done something to to prove that or there’s something wrong with you.

deo my husband caught me cuddled up under a blanket with my male friend the other day because we were watching a movie and it was cold. Do you know what he did? Made us drinks and then got under the blanket too.

It's great that he's doing the childcare. You'll get to have a proper chat to your old friend without any child wrangling. Be openly grateful about that and otherwise leave him to stew because like you said chances are he'll realise he was daft and get over himself.

@CottonTailRabbit thank you thank you thank you for putting a nice positive spin on it. You are right. I can go and swear and gossip and have some child free fun. He will come to his senses.

He's under a lot of stress at the moment. His mother is really ill. I'm putting it down to temporary insanity.
Also I'm very anti social myself and don't tend to meet people. But this is a friendship that's good for me. We help each other. I miss living in the big city with my posse of gay male friends. This person helps me be myself and have a bit of fun rather than being stressed fat mum of kids.

Okay then just ignore my post

That might be best, you obviously have been bitten quite hard in the past and it's still a bit raw. Not everybody cheats.

He doesn't trust you because he has the same mindset as Deo. Don't let your dh destroy your friendship. A good friend I have had for the past several years is only in message contact with me at the moment because his gf has decided that opposite sexes cannot be friends. Jealousy destroys so many things and isn't worth it.

People can trust all they want but that doesn't make their reality true.

I'm actually at a friend's house. He's male and single . My DH is at home with our son and he waved me off happily with a bottle of wine and just asked me to bring food home.

I feel sorry for your husband.

I feel sorry for you!

@deo why? Why feel sorry for my husband? He got to watch the football in peace and I'm bringing him a curry home. He's delighted!

OP, if his own mum is really ill as you say, might his jealousy come from the fact that he feels less supported than your friend who's partner is ill? Maybe he needs a little more from you? I don't think he sounds homophobic at all and certainly, he can dislike this particular friend regardless of them being gay - and choose to keep his daughter home instead if he likes and as someone else said all the better for you, you get to chill and speak freely with your mate, which is probably what he needs too.

Fuck off newswabia

OP, as he doesn't want you to take DD, surely it's more likely to be homophobia than jealousy? If he was jealous he'd be happy for you to take DD so you couldn't get up to anything?

@NewSwabia I wonder her message was deleted. I wonder what it said.