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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Inconsiderate husband plz help.

67 replies

Poll321 · 06/10/2018 13:40

Hi,

Recently my husband and I had a family wedding. In the run up to this event we had a fallout due to his excessive work hrs on the 1 family day we had that month. So things were slightly muted between us. No nastiness just picture no sound.

On the morning of the wedding I had my hair done, new dress and felt a million dollars. Offered to iron shirt for DH but he declined. Some small talk exchanged throughout getting ready.

My DH let the dog out and quite difficult to catch as he runs away. Kids love dog so he had to be got. It was lashing rain and DH said "go get that stupid dog he got out" I replied I would get destroyed if I go out and he said he didn't give a shit about that. Long story short he left me at the house even though I was ready. I missed the wedding ceremony and only just made the meal as I had to catch dog and redo my make up as it got ruined in the rain.

Checked in to hotel, went down for dinner, after dinner DH got up to go to the bar as I thought. After a long-time of looking I eventually txtd him. He had gone and left me at his family wedding without telling me. I felt completely deflated and sad.

Am I overreacting or is this disrespectful to me as his wife and also the mother of his children.
I want to leave. Plz help

OP posts:
Mattydenice060816 · 06/10/2018 20:44

First of all sorry you felt that way no one should feel that way at all . He should not have left you there Sad . He could have worked it out with you but very disrespectful in deed . Sorry to say but for him to do that he must be one pain in * did he say any thing to you about leaving . Did you explain to him how this has maid you feel . Ps big hugs you must have felt so bad

Original poster
Poll321 · 06/10/2018 20:46

He never said a word just left me there😔 asking ppl if they had seen him. I have never felt this bad before it's just cut very deep.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 06/10/2018 20:47

Gosh this is awful...he treated you terribly. Please do not ever think this is acceptable. You DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS. You say he is nice at other times but I really don't see it for him to be able to treat you so badly.

Please find a way to leave this man . You do not deserve this. You sound so nice and gentle. Don't let him grind you down.

femfemlicious · 06/10/2018 20:49

Poll I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's breaking my heart. Could you tell him to leave tonight, is there anyone you can call to support you...thia is too much to take.

penisbeakers · 06/10/2018 20:50

He's not a husband, he's and arsehole. I would have kicked him out, or left him.

Mattydenice060816 · 06/10/2018 20:51

Totaly understan how you feel . A heavy heart is no good makes every thing 100 harder . Best options i think are to set him straight on how this has maid you feel . The way he just left not a word from him the horrid feeling that you felt . No one should be treated like this Hmm I hope you can sort this . Maby there is something else that's triggerd his actions. Maby a build up of stress on his part as they do say you always hurt the one close to you

IHeartMarmiteToast · 06/10/2018 20:53

What has he said since you've been home-??? Any thing about why?

I'd be fucking furious if I were you....

KeiTeNgeNge · 06/10/2018 20:58

Nobody could do that to somebody they loved. It would be the end of the marriage for me.

Apileofballyhoo · 06/10/2018 21:03

That's one of the most horrible things anyone could do. But are you sure he's lovely 99% of the time? I can't see how both things could be true...

Original poster
Poll321 · 06/10/2018 21:05

Hand on heart he is. The only thing aside from this I can give out about is his working hrs and his lack of cleaning around the house. If it was any other way I would say.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 06/10/2018 21:16

I find your husbands actions really worrying. There's something sly and cruel about it - letting the dog out (which was definitely on purpose), insisting that you catch it and hence ruin the effort you'd put into looking wedding - appropriate, leaving you TWICE

^ This. He wanted to spoil your day, have you looking and feeling like shit. I bet the wedding guests felt sorry for you.

He is NOT lovely 99% of the time. Decent men don't behave like this. don't insult decent men by lumping someone who would behave like this in with them.

Your husband doesn't like you. I'm sorry you feel disrespected and humiliated. Hopefully one day you will leave this man.

If you insist on remaining with somebody who so very blatantly dislikes you then all youre storing up is further misery for yourself. You weren't born with him you can survive without him.

No fucker I would be treating me like that, that's for sure. There is nothing sexy and attractive and appealing about spiteful men.

Do yourself a favour get rid and go out there and live your one life. Don't fritter away your good years on this vindictive, bad mannered waste of space

Olderbyaminute · 07/10/2018 02:28

This isn’t behavior of someone who loves you and to be frank you swear he isn’t having an affair but dollars to donuts I’d say he is. I’d start separation proceedings Monday first thing

LastOneDancing · 07/10/2018 07:54

Poll, I'm amazed nothing has been said since Thursday.

Im very placid & hate arguments, but if my DH had humiliated me like that, the mother of all rows would have broken out on my return. I'd be livid and want an explanation. Now.

Is this why he's lovely 99% of the time? Because he does what he likes & you don't (or can't) rock the boat?

Wasn't this all sparked by you asking him not to work on the one family day he had planned? That's a reasonable request.

From the information you're giving, I don't think he's lovely at all.

RyderWhiteSwan · 07/10/2018 08:09

He sees you as a household appliance. How dare appliance want a day of looking and feeling fabulous.......

Sparkletastic · 07/10/2018 08:20

He can't be lovely if he's done this to you.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 07/10/2018 08:20

So he is nice aslong as he is getting his way and not being asked to give anything of himself or do anything he doesn’t want to do.

Your husband just showed you exactly who he is and exactly what he thinks of you.

I wouldn’t treat an acquaintance like that. I certainly wouldn’t treat the lovely man who chose to share his life with me that way.

Windgate · 07/10/2018 08:27

His actions were deliberate. He's ended your marriage. Take control and get some legal advice asap.

MarthasGinYard · 07/10/2018 08:38

How disrespectful

Why didn't you tell him to get the bloody dog in?

Why on earth would he leave without you?

It's abusive

BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2018 08:53

That's awful op. And it's not inconsiderate (he considered what he was doing very carefully) it's cruel and abusive

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 07/10/2018 09:10

You need to tell him right now how you feel and how shit he has treated you so he realises. His reaction afterwards will tell you everything. If he isn't making up for it big time then maybe it's about calling time on the marriage 💐

Cambionome · 07/10/2018 09:22

You really need to make him aware of how awful his shitty behaviour has made you feel. I would be absolutely steaming with rage.

Don't let him just sweep it under the carpet - he has shown you a total lack of respect.

PolytheneSam · 07/10/2018 09:48

He might be angry at something or someone and hasn't specified what or who yet. Maybe he blames you rightly or wrongly for something that happened but he hasn't told you.

Original poster
Poll321 · 07/10/2018 10:51

So the latest is he "doesn't feel he done anything wrong" it's my fault he left because I fought with him on the Sunday. Basically it's all my fault he's done no wrong and he's not accepting any fault for it.

OP posts:
Ribbon86 · 07/10/2018 10:55

@Poll321 wow what an idiot , honestly I get that all the time it’s never their fault . He needs a good kick up the arse , he’ll get a fright if you walk out on him . Hope your ok

Shampaincharly · 07/10/2018 11:03

How are you now @Poll321?
You will have been shocked by what happened on Thursday.