I'm married but I still love my ex

[awkwardsitch]

An ex and I were together for two years over a decade ago and I had other relationships since. He was absolutely "the one who got away". I was 19 at the time, him 26. I went off to uni and he went abroad for work. We were totally in love, besotted even.

Fast forward to now. I'm 30 with two kids and married to another man. Yes I love him, yes he's a good dad, yes we're happy but he's not him.

Ex is now 37, also (unhappily) married with a child.

We still speak a few times a month on WhatsApp and a few times a year on the phone, have done for all these years. We often reminisce but we haven't seen each other for about 6 years and both agree that we shouldn't. We're not on any social media together.

I'm being stupid aren't I feeling like this when it's so obviously ended? I don't want to betray my husband and I wouldn't, nor do I want him to jeopardise his relationship albeit he's not happy in it (cultural differences).

We've tried saying "enough's enough" and blocking/deleting each other but we still know each other's numbers off by heart!

I'm not up with dreams and their significance but we dream about each other all the time. Not sexually, just in a really warm, comforting way.

Anyway I just needed to offload. Thanks if you've got this far.

I had a serious ex I split up with and we kept hanging out for a long time after the break up, staying at each other’s places and texting/calling all the time. It was platonic but still felt so emotionally attached to him. Eventually I was contacted by his new girlfriend (who I had no idea even existed) going mental at me, saying how pathetic and creepy I was etc (thanks very much!). I knew I had to let go and move on, for myself most of all.

One thing I found helpful (may not be your kind of thing but anyway) was to do a cord cutting meditation. You can download a free mediation app called insight timer and it has it on there. Basically about visualising cutting the cord with your ex so you can let go and move on. Might be worth a try.

As a PP said, don't text a goodbye. You are just stoking things and hoping for a reaction and more drama.

I think you’re being awful to your husband and your ex’s wife.

You need to either cut contact with the ex or leave your respective spouses and get together properly.

I highly doubt your ex’s wife realises she’s in an unhappy marriage. I think he’s telling you what you want to hear.

Sorry but I think you’re in love with the idea of being in a terribly romantic, separated-by-circumstances, if-only-we-could-be-together, movie-love situation.

Get real. You’re having an emotional affair.

Knock it on the head or free your poor DH up to meet someone who isn’t mooning over someone else.

Sometimes I think we seek drama because the mundane bits of life are that mundane. What you’re doing has the potential to destroy two families! I often think about my ex. What he’s up to. But imagine your dh was doing this with his ex. You either consciously need to cut all contact because it’s not doing you any good. Or meet up and see if it could go anywhere and end your marriage.

I think some of the replies have been a bit harsh.
You have fantasies about a different life. A lot of people do.
You still have a few words with your ex, but it seems to me that whilst keeping the contact ( and I assume the fantasy alive) you have not tried to actively pursue things.
You need to see it as a diversion and remember that your primary relationship is the one that has made you happy all these years and give you so many good things. Work on it if you are unhappy. As long as you realise the relationship with the ex is just an occasional distraction, then I don't really see the harm.

Hey lovely. I'm glad that you're cutting contact. You know that this connection etc is all in your mind and not based on anything.

If you had truly been right for each other you would have made it work. There is no reason why one of you couldn't have relocated etc.

Of course though you're happily married, life is probably a bit normal and not very exciting so you're creating something exciting with your ex.

Focus on your relationship and think of ways of injecting fun and closeness to your marriage. Think back to how you first met and so on.

What a load of old bollocks, a 2 year relationship at 19, the one that got away, laughable really.

You sound like a bored housewife looking for some cheap thrills on the side and he's very convenient, no doubt the same for him, glad to hear you have woken up and grown up.