Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Father wants custody

69 replies

residentmum · 03/10/2018 20:50

NC.

How likely is it for residency (court order in place) to be transferred from the mother to the father?

Father currently has regular contact with the kids (9 and 11) which is dictated by the court order.

Long history of domestic abuse towards the mother which the children have witnessed on occasion.

No issues at mother's house. All happy and healthy. Have lived there going on 10 years. Kids happy at their schools, 99% attendance, progressing well, involved in several after school activities, good friendship circle of many years. Kids have their own bedrooms and are happy and settled. Eldest awaiting assessment for ASD/ADD. Younger half sibling at home too. Nice area and friendly neighbourhood if that's relevant.

Father lives with partner and 5 other kids (some his, some not) in a tiny 3 bed house in a different area. Kids not enjoying contact for various reasons. Don't like the partner, father often not there, frequent arguments, partner storms off, belittles father in front of kids and criticises mother. If residency were awarded to father then the kids would have to change schools, would never see their friends, and would be separated from their sibling. Totally different inner city type area.

Social services have concerns about contact with father but are awaiting information from the police.

Is residency likely to be transferred in such a situation?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 03/10/2018 20:53

What are his reasons for wanting full custody?
There has to be a concrete reason and not a flippant decision

I assum he's being a pain?

BitchQueen90 · 03/10/2018 20:55

I don't think fathers ever generally get awarded custody unless there is proof that the DC are at risk living with their mother.

user1493413286 · 03/10/2018 20:58

For the courts to make such a drastic change in children’s lives they have to be convinced that there is a good reason to/some issue that means that where they currently live is not the best place for them.
It sounds very unlikely in your situation; I’d gather as much evidence as you can to be prepared

spacefighter · 03/10/2018 20:59

At the ages the children are I'm sure the courts would take in to account their wants and feelings.

Quartz2208 · 03/10/2018 21:02

Short answer is no probably not - it sounds like it has been through court before and an order is currently in place social services are awaiting info for police and he really thinks he would get residency

If anything contact would be reduced

RomanyRoots · 03/10/2018 21:04

Sounds like he knows the kids aren't happy and is doing this because he thinks they may refuse to continue going.
I would make sure that ss are up to date and know about the arguments at his house. They will ask the kids about it to verify.
I doubt he'd get custody unless there was serious problems meaning the mother couldn't parent.

Rebecca36 · 03/10/2018 21:06

Very unlikely that he would get full custody.

Thebluedog · 03/10/2018 21:09

Highly, highly unlikely... what the court is looking for, is the best interests of the children. If you are providing for them, looking after them and there is no safe guarding issues then I see no reason why a court would move them.

Just your first list, even with a model father, it’s very unlikely a court would change things if you don’t want them to

RandomMess · 03/10/2018 21:11

Also would they DC want to live with him? They will be asked.

I'd say not a hope! My gut says it's about the money...

category12 · 03/10/2018 21:15

Sounds like a toothless threat to scare you.

Omgineedanamechange · 03/10/2018 21:24

Sounds like standard abusive twat behaviour to me. I’ll bet my pension that there’s one of two things going on here:

  1. Money, he wants to pay less maintenance
Or
  1. He’s trying to control/punish you. You need to do x or he’ll take the kids from you.

Ignore the abusive fuckwit, hes got no chance.

Original poster
residentmum · 03/10/2018 21:27

Thank you so much for your replies, reading them is such a relief.

No, the kids don't want to leave their home to live with their father.

Yes, it's yet another coercive control tactic.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 03/10/2018 21:27

what are his grounds for wanting full Custody ?

WisestIsShe · 03/10/2018 21:32

It would be highly unlikely given that they have younger half sibling at home. Courts don't like to break up established sibling relationships unless absolutely necessary.

Everytimeref · 03/10/2018 21:32

If there has been a history of a parent obstructing contact then a court might consider changing residency.

Original poster
residentmum · 03/10/2018 21:47

Children see him in accordance with the court order. Obstruction comes from father if any changes need to be made due to illness or one off occasions.

Grounds appear to be because he wants so he thinks he's entitled to get.

OP posts:
Original poster
residentmum · 04/10/2018 08:26

Couldn't sleep last night worrying about this.
In the meantime he wants extra contact during the week Sad

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 04/10/2018 08:40

Tell him to contact your solicitor and to start the process of going back to court to change the court order.

Once it starts costing him money he might change his mind.

0ccamsRazor · 04/10/2018 08:47

Let him knock himself out by taking you to court. Cafcass will do a fact finding exercise, they will talk to your dc. The ages of your dc will be taken into consideration and their wishes in to account.

He will just look like a knob that he is.

Uncreative · 04/10/2018 08:48

Stick to the terms of the current court order. Tell him to contact your solicitor. Chances of him doing that are slim to none. If he does, and it does go to court, he will need much, much better reasons for custody than you have out,ined.

You don’t get to pass kids back and forth, it needs to be demonstrated to be in their best interests.

Quartz2208 · 04/10/2018 09:21

Stick to the order unless illness etc and simply say no and tell him to go back to court

Honestly given what you have said it may work in your favour for him to do so contact is either going to be kept the same or reduce. Or frankly he will be told not to waste the court time if he has a half decent solicitor

Call his bluff

RandomMess · 04/10/2018 10:05

Stick to the contact order until he takes you back to court.

I assume the DC are happy with current arrangement or is there any indication that they would like it increased? You just stick with the angle of what is best for the DC and evidence what they want as much as possible.

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 04/10/2018 10:10

Its just ballshit!! its a typical controlling man trying to get to you where it hurts (the children!!). Would the children have to change school to live with him??
Tbh its not going to happen, dont worry about hit ( your ex sounds like mine!!)

RandomMess · 04/10/2018 10:12

I hope you are using grey rock technique and not engaging with him? He's been abusive towards him so mediation and negotiation outside of court is not appropriate and can be ignored.

Thanks
Thebluedog · 04/10/2018 10:51

If he wants extra contact then he needs to go back to court. My ex wanted contact during the week and I said no, it was far too disruptive to the dc, tired at school as staying away from home, earlier wake up as further to travel etc etc.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.