Father wants custody

[residentmum]

NC.

How likely is it for residency (court order in place) to be transferred from the mother to the father?

Father currently has regular contact with the kids (9 and 11) which is dictated by the court order.

Long history of domestic abuse towards the mother which the children have witnessed on occasion.

No issues at mother's house. All happy and healthy. Have lived there going on 10 years. Kids happy at their schools, 99% attendance, progressing well, involved in several after school activities, good friendship circle of many years. Kids have their own bedrooms and are happy and settled. Eldest awaiting assessment for ASD/ADD. Younger half sibling at home too. Nice area and friendly neighbourhood if that's relevant.

Father lives with partner and 5 other kids (some his, some not) in a tiny 3 bed house in a different area. Kids not enjoying contact for various reasons. Don't like the partner, father often not there, frequent arguments, partner storms off, belittles father in front of kids and criticises mother. If residency were awarded to father then the kids would have to change schools, would never see their friends, and would be separated from their sibling. Totally different inner city type area.

Social services have concerns about contact with father but are awaiting information from the police.

Is residency likely to be transferred in such a situation?

Definitely grey rock blocking. I refuse to communicate with him unless an emergency. I have a police marker on the house due to the DV.
Yes, they would have to change schools if they lived with him. He lives in a totally different area with a different council.
Kids come back unhappy after each contact so they don't want more.

Hopefully the DC can use any court applications to express their unhappiness to Cafcass and request that contact is reduced/changed in nature!

KOKO

Yes - let him apply to the courts, your DC should be consulted and will be able to express a preference for less time with him.

Have you posted recently about you DC being unhappy and sharing beds with exH' gf's kids? Is this his response to you asking for adequate sleeping arrangements?

He's just trying it on. There is no way he will get custody. My exh used to threaten this all the time just to try and undermine or control.... Honestly do not let this worry you, especially lose sleep over. You know which environment is better and ss will easily see that too

The paperwork is now on its way to me so I'll be able to see exactly what he wants and why then. It was SS who said he was applying for residency. Solicitor has not read the full application as yet but seems to be an application for enforcement. Enforcement for what I don't know as they've not missed any contact He's just a controlling, abusive man.

Has there not been any missed contact for illness, late or requested back early?

He is a pr*ck, controlling abusive one at that!

RandomMess no missed contact.

He collects and drops off and is late to drop off every time. Late to collect from school too.

Keep a diary of dc behaviour after the visits . Speak to school who can confirm dc are doing well at school etc, if they notice any behaviour change after seeing df they can comment also. They can be a good support.

If this is the whole story then he won't get anywhere as it isn't in the best interest of your children. Family court is just a circus of DV abuse and control.

I've stuck to the court order like glue.

He's going to look an idiot in court then!

Nothing in there about speaking to the DC?

Perhaps he thinks he should get extra time to make up for when he is late to collect

Does he pay cms? Wonder if he has heard of they live with him he won't have to pay? Maybe he is seeing benefits £££ signs also?
Start keeping receipts of stuff you buy for the dc, proof you are the primary carer.
Any appointments they have write down you took them.

Yes he pays cms. He took them to the dentist once in 5 years. I do everything. He won't even look after them if I'm ill. All documented with the solicitor.

I would think given that there are a lot of dc with him /gf he will be seeing £££ signs to getting some more, or maybe a bigger house? . Many people don't realise child benefit is to support the child!!
The fact he is massively overcrowded will go against him not get him a mansion!!

The police involvement for dv might put a different light on things too.

Courts will always look at what they believe is best for the children i.e. they make shit decisions sometimes in the name of maintaining contact but ultimately it's done from a place of assessing the needs of the children in the scenario, not the adults. Unless there are specific issues the courts like to maintain the status quo whenever possible so they're not going to pull the kids out of their schools and away from their friends and routine etc without a very good reason. I know this is easy to say but please don't worry.

I'm not too worried it's just the stress of having to go to court yet again over nothing. He'll have accused me of abusing them in his application. He always does as otherwise he knows the court won't entertain him.

Actually he may have shot himself, if Cafcass speak to your dc he may find they don't want to go at all!
Ask your solicitor to have a section (?) applied where he is forbidden from taking you back to court for utter tosh - I had one done as exh was ridiculous - he actually wrote direct to a judge suggesting nothing less than a custodial sentence would be appropriate for me claiming cb for one of our ds when he should have it!
I kid you not.

Good time to get the whole question of contact looked at again. Your DC can state their views on contact and residency.
I was in a similar situation nearly 40 years ago. Ex even reported me to the NSPCC. Lovely lady came round and left after saying everything was fine, not to worry, a lot of divorced fathers do it to get at the ex. Social worker involved too with same outcome.
It took two years to get everything settled and I moved on. But I can't dwell on it even all these years later without all the horrible feelings coming back.
Stay strong OP

Aprilislonggone I'm pretty sure that's what my ex wants to: me in prison. They are so ridiculous aren't they? He argues with the judge every time we go to court. It's embarrassing. I have a new solicitor and within 3 weeks of having my file, he had him pegged as nasty and controlling. He's not even met him, just read his emails.

It's a good opportunity to get all the issues back into court. The children's behaviour is awful at the moment and is worse when they've had contact with him and his gf. They settle down if they don't see him for a couple of weeks. I don't see any benefit to them seeing him and his gf at all. Eldest says she'd run away if she had to live there.

Eldest asked me tonight in a hopeful voice if I could stop her going to her dad's. I said I can't but asked how she'd feel if she didn't go. She said she'd feel relaxed and happy. Makes me so angry that he's making her feel like that. Her sister isn't too fussed and is a bit take it or leave it really but my eldest has been really affected by her dad leaving and ever since.
Dreadful sentence structure and grammar now need sleep! Thanks all

The children' wishes would be taken into account by the Court.
If the eldest does not want to go because she is affected by what is happening. Get your eldest to write her own version of events as to why she does not want to see her father and give it to the Solicitor and/or Social Worker.

She needs to include things like how anxious and unhappy she is at the having to be forced to see her abusive father.
If it's affecting her day to day life, school etc...unable to concentrate due to the extreme anxiety.

butterfly56 she's writing it all down as we speak. I'll be sending it to my solicitor to read out in court.