Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How paranoid would you be..?

50 replies

Issy777 · 02/10/2018 23:02

My bf is working away next week with a woman that in the past has liked/come onto him...
I'm quite fragile at the best of times and also have GAD so I'm just really worrying
It's just him and her, usually there's a team or more than 2 but because it's just him and her I feel ill at the thought..,
He did say he'll have to go to dinner with her but isn't that just so weird? A woman that's not your partner having a sit down dinner with them? I tried to suggest to him imagine what it'd be like if I went to a sit down meal with a male colleague but he said it's different for women Hmm
Just want to know if anyone else would be ok with this or not?

OP posts:
eelbecomingforyou · 02/10/2018 23:06

Of course it’s not weird for two adults to eat together. Don’t you ever eat with an adult you’re not married to?

It’s hard to know here what your bf has done wrong. Is it your anxiety that tells you he might cheat? Or ha he done anything to suggest he might?

Walkacrossthesand · 02/10/2018 23:32

It's not 'different for women'!! If he doesn't like the idea of you dining à deux with a male friend/colleague then he's being extremely hypocritical and needs to take a long hard look at himself.

If he and this colleague had a thing going in the past, he should be doing all he can to be reassuring, not dismissive and patronising.

Adele12345 · 02/10/2018 23:42

Unless he has done anything that would make you distrust him I would be absolutely fine with it.

I travel frequently with work and have dinner with whoever I’m travelling with, including if it’s just me and a male colleague. I frequently travel with a male colleague who has asked me out. I said no, relationship is strictly professional.

yellowspottedwellies · 02/10/2018 23:49

It would seriously bother me too.

Regardless of anything happening or not, I too would feel anxious!

yellowspottedwellies · 02/10/2018 23:50

Are they going away for the whole week?

Redglitter · 02/10/2018 23:52

If they're the only 2 away on business I think it would be strange them not dining together

WOMANTALK · 03/10/2018 02:23

They aren't going to be avoiding each other, because that would be strange and probably more awkward.. But if you trust in your partner then you have nothing too worry about. Although I know how you could definitely be uneasy about the whole thing. Noone would like that situation no matter what. The woman is a bitch though for coming on to him if you were together at the time.

NerdyBird · 03/10/2018 02:27

How do you know she likes him and/or has made a move previously?

Rebecca36 · 03/10/2018 03:31

It's not weird for colleagues to eat together if they are working away.
However, to humour you, it wouldn't hurt him to say he had other arrangements and eat somewhere else if it is just the two of them away on business.

I say that because of your GAD. If you were perfectly well I would not suggest it but then you probably wouldn't care anyway. It won't hurt him to be sensitive to your feelings in this instance.

Really hoping things improve for you, anxiety is terrible.

Notacluewhatthisis · 03/10/2018 05:45

It's not unusual to eat together when working away. I would say it's more unusual not to. Maybe the odd night if someone is knackered they might skip it, but not every night.

I may be wrong but have you posted about this before? Did she like him, but years ago?

I do have to say he is a dick for saying it's different for women. Because it's sexist and because he will be having dinner with a woman. So if it's different for women he shouldn't be doing it.

pigeondujour · 03/10/2018 06:34

My bf is working away next week with a woman that in the past has liked/come onto him...

How so? And according to whom?

I tried to suggest to him imagine what it'd be like if I went to a sit down meal with a male colleague but he said it's different for women

Your boyfriend's a dickhead. Bin him for that alone.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 03/10/2018 06:39

Different for women?!
WTAF?
What does he mean by that?

Original poster
Issy777 · 03/10/2018 07:28

Thanks for the responses. I'm glad to see I'm not overreacting with this one .

We've been on/off through the years n it was while we were "off" he went to his works Christmas do, she came on to him. She was rip roaringly drunk but was very ahem gropey from what he told me. He was shocked as he's never been chatted up or approached by women usually so he told me about it in shock and said he felt awkward now working with her, that was nearly 3 years back now.

Yeah he is quite sexist I'd say, always says well it's easier for women to get raped and spiked but no one can rape a man 🤔🤔🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Issy777 · 03/10/2018 07:29

It's only two nights but still makes me feel uncomfortable

He has cheated in the past in the early days of relationship. I did forgive him as we were young, immature and still in University.

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 03/10/2018 07:33

We've been on/off through the years n it was while we were "off" he went to his works Christmas do, she came on to him. She was rip roaringly drunk but was very ahem gropey from what he told me. He was shocked as he's never been chatted up or approached by women usually so he told me about it in shock and said he felt awkward now working with her, that was nearly 3 years back now.

Aye, course that's what happened.

Yeah he is quite sexist I'd say, always says well it's easier for women to get raped and spiked but no one can rape a man 🤔🤔🤔

He has cheated in the past in the early days of relationship. I did forgive him as we were young, immature and still in University.

No really, you need to get rid of this cunt, like, yesterday.

Notacluewhatthisis · 03/10/2018 07:42

So let's say it's true and she cracked on to him.

When she was drunk and when he was single. So I do think you are being a bit ridiculous. It was a while ago as well.

I also am not a fan of people being stopped from doing anything perfectly normal because their partner has MH problems. I have anxiety too and it's not a reason to control our partners.

However he sounds like a total dick and I bet you wouldn't be as anxious if you weren't with him.

Your issue isn't the woman, or your gad. Your issue is him.

Original poster
Issy777 · 03/10/2018 07:48

Huh I'm confused? Why don't people believe that she came on to him? This is the part that baffles me especially on here with all the cheating men that are discovered and exposed on here , why is it so hard to believe a woman coming on to a man?!
Bear in mind he was single at the time, and we all know there's lots of home wreckers /women going after married men etc so this would be even more likely

I just don't get it? A woman drunk at a works do, why wouldn't she come on to a guy? I've seen that happen at my own work do, a girl in another department basically grinding up against a man who we work with!

Just wanna know why people seem doubtful? I for one second didn't when he told me at the time. I think it's more common than we know about....

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 03/10/2018 07:50

I would think it’s odd if they didn’t have dinner together and it’s no different for a woman

Cheddarsmedders · 03/10/2018 08:23

Thanks for the responses. I'm glad to see I'm not overreacting with this one

Sorry but I think the majority vote was that you ARE overreacting, It’s not unusual for people on business to dine together. It would be weird if I was away with a colleague and avoided them in the restaurant.

However, the “it’s different for women” what does that mean?
Assume he’ll bow out of the dinner then rather than put that women into that situation?

Notacluewhatthisis · 03/10/2018 08:23

Because knowing you have anxiety, it's an odd thing to tell you when it was non of your business as he was single

But look at what you have just said. You have just have admitted her doing it is not a big deal.

pigeondujour · 03/10/2018 08:42

and we all know there's lots of home wreckers /women going after married men

We know there's lots of men who don't see being in a relationship as an insurmountable barrier to shagging about, you mean? Your partner being one of them. Don't blame women at large for his bad character.

Shoxfordian · 03/10/2018 08:47

It'd be strange not to have dinner with a work colleague if you're on a work trip. You're allowing your anxiety to make you paranoid.

Not sure why you stayed with him when he cheated before though.

Alfiemoon1 · 03/10/2018 08:54

Maybe she did come on to him when she was drunk and he was single but from what u have said nothing came of it despite him being single and it was years ago

They have obviously moved on from her drunken behaviour and are able to still work together. I understand you have anxiety but unless you have other reasons not to trust your dp I think you just need a way to manage your anxiety while he is away as it’s perfectly normal for colleagues to have dinner together while working away

Redglitter · 03/10/2018 08:54

Bear in mind he was single at the time, and we all know there's lots of home wreckers /women going after married men etc so this would be even more likely

Well that's a sweeping statement. So she cane on to him when they were both single. He rejected that it. Why on earth would you assume she's going to try again now knowing he's in a relationship. She might look back on that time and think she had a lucky escape.

Your problem isn't with her - it's with him.

MarthasGinYard · 03/10/2018 09:00

'Bear in mind he was single at the time, and we all know there's lots of home wreckers /women going after married men etc so this would be even more likely'

WTF

They were both single. She made a move. He wasn't interested.

They work together. Probably will eat together.

If you don't trust him that's not her problem.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.