Splitting 50:50 when he is high earner

[Bluebellsagain]

Will try and keep this short! Dp and I are engaged, set to marry next summer. We have been working on combining our finances which neither of us have ever done with a partner before. Last night we sat down and worked out our after tax incomes and the savings we are working towards eg. The balance of our wedding, a house deposit, holiday fund.

He is a pretty high earner and earns a third more than me (before tax and his voluntary pension contributions). After these he still earns net nearly £700 more than me per month. However, we split all household bills, rent 50/50 (always have.) In working out what we can afford to save in our different joint savings pots, we are supposed to both be saving the same amounts per month. It works out to c£600 per month savings each.
Now I won’t complain, I earn a good wage and I get a bonus which he does not. However his work provide free food, travel. Seeing it in black and white, in his account he will have £600 more than me disposable income per month. I don’t have a particularly small amount left at the end after savings/bills, I know I’m lucky, but the joint expenses and savings hurt my account more than his to the tune of £600. When I think about It this means that I can’t make the same level of voluntary pension contributions as he does. He said he is “only” £600 better off than me a month. That’s still quite a bit in my eyes?! My dad is also paying for about half our wedding and his family will not be contributing. I know this may not be relevant but I do all housework as I get home from work earlier (start earlier - we do the same hours.) I also pick up basically all costs for my dd except the odd gift he buys her(e.g. cost of ballet lessons, swimming, wraparound childcare etc.)
On reflection I’m wondering if this is the right set up. I don’t know if we should be splitting 50:50 like this. It is his choice to make those pension contributions for example - his employer already pays in a fair bit, as does mine. But we have worked out our “joint expenses” after his high voluntary pension contributions, and now I’m feeling like this is a bit unbalanced. We are supposed to be getting married after all.

Any views on merging of the finances, anyone?

I would never in a million years marry this person. It's 50/50 only when it suits and benefits him. That's no basis for a marriage. Sadly, you like so many women will likely gradually learn this the hard way after years of compromising yourself financially, emotionally and physically for this man.

I don't get why you would suddenly be entitled to his money. How can it not be fair that he earns more and thus has more? You have to live within your own means rather than expecting an increased standard of living because he earns more. So if you can afford £300 per month in rent, look for a place for £600 per month and if he wants somewhere more expensive then he pays the difference but you must always be living to your own budget.

This man is mean. People who are mean over money are mean over everything. I wouldn't marry a man who treated me like this. Why isn't he paying for a cleaner so you're both free after work? That's what I did.

I don't think it really matters about the money or the pension contributions so long as you get married.

But stop doing all the cleaning and the wifework! Why are you doing it?

Mean with money, mean with love. Don't marry someone who doesn't think it's family money and is happy to see you worse off than them.

But if you don't marry him, don't have kids with him either.

@Heartofglass12345

because we already had all direct debits etc set up on our individual accounts and didn't want to change them all, also he didn't want me to see where he was buying presents from lol

Switching DDs takes minutes. He can buy you presents on a credit card. I don't understand why he "gave" you money when you were on ML -it should have been there for you to take. But if you're happy with the arrangement ...

Because I needed money 😂 he transferred money to my bank when I needed it, I don't get what the problem is really.

Married over 20 years - we still have, and have always had separate bank accounts. Retired now, but when we were working my husband was the higher earner by a long way. We have always been mortgage free but my husband paid all the bills and transferred me some money directly into my account. Now we're retired the boot is on the other foot and I transfer my half of the bills to my husband, as he does not get his state pension yet, and relies on his occupational pension, whereas I have both. This is my second marriage - I would never sacrifice financial independence by having a joint account. You have some serious thinking to do before you go ahead with this, he does sound a bit mean.

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. I have been with my hubby for 33 years & have always had a joint account regardless of who earned what . You should be a team!