Splitting 50:50 when he is high earner

[Bluebellsagain]

Will try and keep this short! Dp and I are engaged, set to marry next summer. We have been working on combining our finances which neither of us have ever done with a partner before. Last night we sat down and worked out our after tax incomes and the savings we are working towards eg. The balance of our wedding, a house deposit, holiday fund.

He is a pretty high earner and earns a third more than me (before tax and his voluntary pension contributions). After these he still earns net nearly £700 more than me per month. However, we split all household bills, rent 50/50 (always have.) In working out what we can afford to save in our different joint savings pots, we are supposed to both be saving the same amounts per month. It works out to c£600 per month savings each.
Now I won’t complain, I earn a good wage and I get a bonus which he does not. However his work provide free food, travel. Seeing it in black and white, in his account he will have £600 more than me disposable income per month. I don’t have a particularly small amount left at the end after savings/bills, I know I’m lucky, but the joint expenses and savings hurt my account more than his to the tune of £600. When I think about It this means that I can’t make the same level of voluntary pension contributions as he does. He said he is “only” £600 better off than me a month. That’s still quite a bit in my eyes?! My dad is also paying for about half our wedding and his family will not be contributing. I know this may not be relevant but I do all housework as I get home from work earlier (start earlier - we do the same hours.) I also pick up basically all costs for my dd except the odd gift he buys her(e.g. cost of ballet lessons, swimming, wraparound childcare etc.)
On reflection I’m wondering if this is the right set up. I don’t know if we should be splitting 50:50 like this. It is his choice to make those pension contributions for example - his employer already pays in a fair bit, as does mine. But we have worked out our “joint expenses” after his high voluntary pension contributions, and now I’m feeling like this is a bit unbalanced. We are supposed to be getting married after all.

Any views on merging of the finances, anyone?

You are a mug and he is laughing all the way to the bank as he gets all those jobs done for free which otherwise would cost him loads in terms of free time and money.

Stop it now while you have bargaining power.

You'll have none in a few years time when trying to balance all the child care, all the housework, all the admin, all the emotional side while he relaxes with his mates.

Ignore what is being said here at your peril.

And remember you are already a role model to your dd as is how your fiance views and treats you.

Stop being so kind and nicey nicey. Women need to develop a backbone especially when being taken for an absolute mug as you are being right now.

We have a joint account and an account each, and have an equal amount of spending money, with all the rest going into bills/savings/pensions. He also had a DD who lives with us. When we started out DH was paying for her expenses and I wasn't contributing (partly because I've been studying), but as I see it, I've taken her on as part of our household and it wouldn't be fair for him to be worse off than me.

We both put x amount into a joint account to cover joint bills and then some for saving.

What's left in our own accounts is ours for spending.

He earns more than me by about £400pm so does have more disposable income BUT he pays for most extra things like going out for dinner, cinema snacks, takeaways etc.

It works fine for us... not married and no children though.

DH earns over double what I earn and we split everything in a 30/70 ratio (equivalent of what we earn).

DH suggested this as the fairest way which would leave both of us with about equal money to save/spend as we want.

If you were left with barely anything and he had £600 spare cash then I’d say it’s unbalanced. But as you’re pointing out you have plenty left to spend after your bills and savings, I think YABU. So he has more disposable cash, not an issue as long as you have enough yourself, he does earn more. I would expect that when you go out and do things together he treats you a little more often than you treat him or go Dutch.

Have you discussed how you’ll split finances re caring for your child once married? Will you both continue to see it as your daughter so your financial responsibility? That makes sense while dating but once married I’d be surprised if he didn’t see her as his child too and pitch in for her expenses equally.

Additionally, DP has peaked in terms of his salary now - he is unlikely to earn more unless he changes careers whereas I am currently studying which could potentially quadruple my earnings potential... so its highly likely that the balance will shift at some point in the next few years.

I don’t see why you’d expect to have the exact same amount of discretionary income for casual spending as someone who earns a significant amount more than you just because you’re together, personally. As long as the bills are covered and you both have a decent amount of spending money left it doesn’t have to be exactly equal to one another.

OP I would probably agree with you if you were struggling while your OH had loads leftover, but you've said that you're left with decent amount as well. He just has more because he earns more.

I think since you can afford to pay 50/50, you should.

Thanks everyone

Me and my husband have separate accounts, he earned about £500 a month more than me when we first met, but he has always been very adamant that it is our money not his. We never split things equally as we didn't have an equal amount of money
I don't get why your husband to be would want you to be worse off than him, unless he is willing to spend that money on both of you and not himself.
I gave up work for 18 months after my first son was born, and 2.5 years after my second, so had no income after maternity pay ended. He gave me money when I needed it and obviously paid the bills. I wouldn't want to be worrying about that , you're meant to be a partnership, a team!

We split all household expenses proportionate to income. I earn about 65% of total household income and my husband earns 35% so all expenses are split in these proportions.

Actually, an additional clarification - husband is an additional cardholder on my credit card and only I pay that bill.

I do all housework as I get home from work earlier (start earlier - we do the same hours.

Ummm! why are you doing all the housework. Just why? When you are both working the same hours?

I happen to think that you should contribute to the household costs in proportion to your incomes, or to leave you both the same amount after bills etc each month. But, doing all the housework? Why? It's not going to get better, start as you mean to go on. If you start by doing everything, he will probably let you. I would not want to be with someone like that.

What is NOT right is the fact you can’t outbthe same amount if voluntary contribution to your pension.
This needs to change ASAP. This is your future and you need to protect yourself (in case of separation or death).

Contributions shouldn’t be 50/50 but at least pro rata than what you earn.
Or everything in the common pot, same amount if savings and pensions for each of you (taking into account that your respective company might nit be as generous as each other). All spending comes out if the same pot.

I would say we are fairly equal as partners but then I do all of our admin, household management, planning holidays/groceries etc.

The. You are not equal are you?
This thing about each of you pay8ng 50/50 means that

• you have less than him at the end of the day, incl less on your pension. And £600 isn’t ‘just’ £600. It’s £600 that you dint have, cant be out in saving and then be used against you ‘because you have spend all your money and haven’t build up saving for your maternity leave’ for example.
• you are still doing all the ‘woman work’ whilst been asked to be totally equal on the financial sphere (which used to be the man’s responsibility). Basically you are getting shafted.

That’s the issue I have with ‘equality’ in the relationships atm. Because it’s eems to only mean women contributing as much as men financially but never ever means men contributing as much women in the housework/cleaning/ running of the house/ emotional responsibilities/children if/when you will have some.
In effect, it has contributed to a situation that is even LESS equal than it was before because there is no ‘compensation’ to all the work done by women. Only give and give.

I wouod also want to see how he wouod see this arrangement going fi, for example, you go in ML or you are ill (or he is ill).
Will you be expected to still keep up with 50% if the bill even if you don’t earn or earn much less than him (because you can’t work as much, he has got promoted etc etc....)

1. Why do you do the housewoek? Let him get a cleaner , and then split the remaining (cleaners do not do all the remaining
2. You need to discuss now when you have dc. For me anything less than all money is family money is unacceptable if I’m taking time off work to have his children. And at that point you have a baby I would expect the two of you to be treating both dc the same. But you need to discuss this. If he had some idea that You’d always have to fund your dc even while being a stay at home Mum to your baby with him , I recommend dumping him.

I think you need to be thinking how things will look financially if you have any children together. You need to be putting into the joint account a proportion of what you both earn. Stop doing all the housework. Let him do his share.

I would get both your salaries paid into one account. Plus any CM or child benefit you receive. Both put the same amount into your pensions each month. Agree an equal set amount each for self spending and put that into an account of your own both of you each month. Everything else stays in joint bills account / joint savings.
You're a partnership - there should be no yours and his. It's all both of yours, equally.

How much is your bonus usually, that you get but he doesn't?

He earns more, as long as bills etc are covered, his disposable income is his.

If you are bothered about doing housework, as suggested, get a cleaner. Easily solved.

My take on this is that when you're a couple you pool your income even if you don't (iyswim). Me and DH don't have a joint account and don't keep track of whose spent what. Some months when he has spent a lot I'll transfer money to him and if I need money to pay my credit card or whatever then he'll transfer it to me.

It doesn't matter whose account the money is actually in. It's not as if DH is going to go on a holiday without me or make me fly economy while he flies business!

So thinking about it, I guess our system is that we each keep our own money but are both generous towards each other.

I'm old (49) and old fashioned.

DH and I have one joint account, no matter what's being paid into it or by whom. Two credit cards that are joint accounts. Two jointly owned houses.

A marriage should be a partnership, no two individuals living closely together.

PP who said her DH paid the bills and "gave" her money when she needed it whilst on ML. Why isn't it all paid into one pot and you take what you need rather than having to ask for it?